Ian’s breath shuddered as he pulled back and his forehead touched hers. “Jesus. We can’t do that again.”
“Oh, Ian. I’ve missed you so.”
Easing her away, Sofie saw the strain on his face. “I’ve missed you, too, but I have to keep my head clear. I can’t…” His hand touched her cheek. “You were always so soft. I loved touching you.”
She loved being touched, being held. In his arms, the corner of her heart that had gone dark all those years ago became brighter, happier. And just like before, it wasn’t going to last.
There was no one who had ever, or would ever, make her feel the way he did.
“This isn’t going to be easy on either of us,” he said. “But if we get involved, it could make protecting you that much more difficult.”
“I know. I’m a distraction.”
“I need to be aware of what’s around you, what could threaten you. I can’t be focused on you.” His fingers brushed over the back of her neck, settling on her shoulder. “Nothing has changed; this isn’t going to work. We’re not going to be together.”
That truth hovered over them like a bad dream, but another truth, one that was just as compelling, had to be considered. “I understand, but, what if we went in with our eyes open this time?” she asked. “We could simply decide to be together for now.”
“For now?”
“For however long this situation lasts. When it’s over, we part amicably. It has to be better than the way things ended before.”
“Do you think either of us could walk away without looking back?” Stepping back, Ian walked to the French doors and looked out. He was considering, but his lack of eye contact, his unwillingness to be close, gave Sofie her answer before he even said anything. “I think keeping a little distance is smarter. It’s going to be tough, considering we occasionally have to look like we’re a couple, but when you’re around, I don’t think straight.”
“I see. All right. It seems we keep making mistakes with each other. It’s like we’re taking turns.” She tried to breathe, but the air was thick, heavy. Much like her heart. “I suppose it would be best if we didn’t kiss each other anymore, then.” It was supposed to be a joke, but it didn’t feel funny—it felt more like a tragedy.
“I’m sorry about that kiss.” Ian shrugged his shoulders in acknowledgement. “I got a little out of control.”
Sofie nodded, folding her arms across her middle hoping to quiet the shaking in her belly.
It didn’t work. “I don’t think you ever kissed me like that. It was…what do Americans say? It was hot.”
“Yeah, well,” he said as he went towards the door to the hall. “I hadn’t ever missed you before. See you downstairs.”
It took a few seconds after Ian left the room that Sofie understood exactly how difficult their time together was going to be.
He took Sofie on a tour of the island. It was a safe activity that was easy to control, and he could talk to her about the first settlements, which she loved learning about, and let her see what was, in his opinion, one of New York’s hidden treasures. A drive around consisted of seeing the beaches, which were beautiful, having a look at some of the larger estates and a walk through town. He thought about taking her to the nature preserve, which occupied a huge part of the island, but it was too isolated. While people could pose a threat, he felt better having her in the open where he could fully assess the situation.
Ian also knew a quiet walk in the woods, alone with her, was not the way to keep his distance.
He was still thinking about their kiss. A kiss that was so hot he had passing thoughts about locking the door and staying in bed with her the entire day. And then her proposal? That they pick up where they left off for as long as they were stuck together? It was a bad idea.
Crazy. And he’d seriously considered it. He chalked it up to several things, not the least of which was he hadn’t been laid in a really long time. He was married to his job, and he didn’t do casual relationships as a rule. But the thought of being with Sofie again, to lose themselves in each other for however long it lasted, was very tempting.
And he couldn’t do it. He had to resist the pull for both of them.
All he could hope was that the part of him that was still broken from losing her was well hidden. The kiss, and his response, confessing how much he missed her was a big mistake, and he couldn’t afford any other mistakes. He told her the truth when he said he had to remain focused on her protection.