He eased his foot off the gas and pushed his free hand through his hair. He wasn't sleeping, he was mainlining coffee and he couldn't remember when he last ate. His office felt claustrophobic, his apartment like a sophisticated jail cell. The sun seemed to be dimmer and the air thinner and...
And he missed his son.
Yeah, he missed Ty, but he yearned for Piper.
Yearned? God! Whatever label he gave the emotion-yearning, pining, longing-he was feeling it every miserable second. His head and heart ached. He wanted to go back to Park Slope, to that red Victorian, and beat on her door until she let him inside.
Because he was a man, his fantasy included skipping the talking and taking her straight to bed. After he'd reacquainted himself with every inch of her body, through mental telepathy she'd understand that they belonged together, that she was his, that Ty was his and that they were in it for the long haul.
Yeah, and he had more chance of finding the missing Kashmir Blues.
He loved her.
He loved her because she was funny and smart and had legs that made his mouth water. Because she was an amazing mother, a wild lover and a loyal friend. He loved her because he now understood her better, thanks to the pithy, and direct, lecture he'd endured from her acerbic elderly cousin.
It turned out Mick Shuttle wasn't only a criminal, he'd also been a crappy father. According to Maeve, Shuttle had been an utter bastard to Piper and her mom, starting with the deal he'd struck with Piper's mom when she'd told him she was pregnant.
After kicking her out of their apartment in a rage, Mick waited for more than two months before tracking Gail down at Maeve's house. Mick, the bastard, made a deal with Gail: she could have full custody of the baby if she sold two of her sapphires and gave him the money to set up his business. Mick would keep her on as his mistress, would house and clothe and support her as long as she lived, but he wanted nothing to do with Piper. Ever.
It was a stance he'd never deviated from. Knowing that, and taking into account Jaeger's own oft-repeated statements about not wanting a wife or children, Jaeger now better understood why Piper had kept Ty from him. She'd wanted to protect Ty from a father who'd openly admitted he wasn't interested in children. She'd thought he was like Mick-the thought turned his stomach-and she didn't want Ty to go through what she did. Jaeger wasn't anything like Mick, but how was she to know that?
She'd been protecting his son; he couldn't fault her for that.
Piper, Maeve informed him, was a Mills, and Mills women loved hard and loved fast. Their men never, not for a fraction of a second, questioned that love. It was just there, a living, breathing, tangible entity.
He wanted that love, Piper's love. But he'd been too damn scared or too busy protecting himself to realize he'd been given a second chance at being happy. If he didn't fix this, he might never know what being loved by Piper would feel like.
He'd lost his daughter, lost Andy and lost his parents. He'd lost Connor and a month of memories. Every loss rocked his world, but the thought of not having Piper and Ty in his life froze the blood in his veins.
He'd crawled through jungles, braved blizzards, talked his way past thieves and bargained with warlords to acquire the gemstones he wanted, but Piper and Ty were his biggest treasures, his ultimate find. He'd do anything to become part of their world, to share their lives. Ty allowed his shoulders to drop, and he stretched his spine to work out some tension.
It might take some swift negotiating, some smooth talking and fast thinking, but they were his biggest quest.
This had all started because Piper wanted to sell her stones to keep her house, and just like that, Jaeger knew what he had to do to win her back.
He smiled.
Oh, yeah, this was going to be fun.
* * *
Piper, convinced that she was about to burst a blood vessel in her brain, kept one hand on the handle of Ty's stroller and slapped her other hand on the expensive counter between her and a robot wearing a black suit. She peered at the robot's badge. Johnson, Chief of Security, Ballantyne and Co. "Mr. Johnson-"
"Just Johnson, ma'am."
"I'm sure if you just call Jaeger and tell him I am here, why I am here-"
"Why are you here, ma'am?"
Because Simms told me to come!
Because the lawyer representing Mick's estate now, for some odd reason, wouldn't take her money, wouldn't allow her to buy her house. Simms had told her to talk to Jaeger Ballantyne and to get back to him when she had.
Why did she care so much, anyway? Two weeks ago the house was her refuge, her link to her childhood and her mom, a place of safety. Now it felt empty without Jaeger, just rooms and walls and stuff. Her home was in Jaeger's arms; she felt grounded when she looked into his eyes, energized when he kissed her, connected to the universe when he loved her.
Wherever he was, that was where she wanted to be.
He didn't feel the same.
Piper pushed her fist into her sternum and breathed through her mouth, physically pushing the painful emotions back. She would not cry, not now, but she acknowledged that she couldn't live like this for much longer. She was falling apart. Worry was eating her from the inside out. It wasn't good for her or for Ty.
She'd spent the last four nights not sleeping, trying to act normal around Ty, Ceri and Rainn, but falling apart when she was alone. She didn't think she was fooling anyone. Ty had picked up on her stress. He was clingier than usual and a lot crankier. She'd wanted to leave him with Ceri earlier, but he'd refused to let Piper go, and she didn't have the heart to leave him. It was as if he was also suffering from a bad case of missing Jaeger.
"Ma'am, I asked you a question. What is the nature of your business with Mr. Ballantyne?"
I love him but he doesn't love me or our son? The words hovered on her lips, but she pulled them back. "It's personal business."
Johnson did not look convinced.
"It really is. I am-" God, what was she? His ex-lover, the mother of his child, his casual fling?
He was the only man she wanted in her life. He was the only man she could imagine in her life. Piper pushed her hands through her tangled curls and blew air over her bottom lip. Even if she told Johnson that, she doubted he'd believe her.
She looked like what she was-a frazzled single mother barely keeping her life together. A young woman wearing faded jeans, battered sneakers and a cinnamon knee-length trench coat. No makeup, eyes red from too many tears and minimal sleep.
"Ma'am. Can I see some identification?" Johnson asked, his voice low and patient.
"For the love of God," Piper whimpered. Piper let go of the stroller and yanked her wallet out of her bag, slamming it onto the counter. Sending the implacable Johnson a narrow-eyed, you're-high-on-my-hit-list look, she handed over her driver's license and tapped her fingers as he typed her name into his database.
Johnson looked at the screen, frowned and looked at the screen again.
"Problem?" she asked, her tone sarcastic.
Johnson rubbed the back of his neck as he passed her license back to her.
"What?" Piper demanded. "Am I still on the kooks and crazies list?"
Déjà vu, Piper thought, feeling the walls of the lobby closing in on her. She'd been here before. Jaeger had, once again, restricted access to himself. She'd backed away once before, turned tail and run-a habit she'd carried over from her childhood. Instead of fighting her father, making him notice her, she'd retreated and allowed him to control the situation.
She wasn't a child anymore.
She was done with running, slinking off, hiding out, trying not to rock the boat. She wanted a definitive answer about what Jaeger was planning, whether he intended to sue for custody or not. She wanted to know why he'd spoken to Simms, the lawyer dealing with Mick's estate. What business did Jaeger have discussing her house? And why the hell hadn't he taken her off the kooks and crazies list?
She was done with playing nice. Piper looked around and noticed the cameras in the corners of the lobby. Two, three, another over the door, all of them recording her interaction with Johnson. She'd bet a Kashmir Blue that there was a microphone picking up every word she uttered. "I want to leave a message for Jaeger, Johnson."
Johnson reached for a message pad, but she shook her head. "I'm not an idiot. I know every move I make is being recorded." Slapping her hands on her hips, Piper looked directly up into the camera above the desk, opening her mouth to blast him.
"I heard you are looking for me."