"I'm not pregnant, Ryan. That test was for Mallory. I didn't mean to lead you on about it―I liked winding you up. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that." He's making me feel so safe in this moment, and I want to give him something, even if it isn't much. It's all I really have to give him.
His fingers flex, and then he squeezes my hand. There's a small pause after the words leave my mouth, and I start to worry that he's angry with me.
"Thank you for telling me. It didn't matter, though. I want you however I can have you."
I look over and study his profile. His short blond hair, his hard chiseled jaw, his perfect nose and straight teeth. He's so handsome, it makes my chest ache. Picking up his hand, I bring it to my lips and place a kiss on it. He smells like rosewood and fresh cotton, and I want to curl into it.
I watch the streetlights of New York City pass by as he drives away from my personal hell. I picture leaving all of it behind and starting over someplace new, where Captain is with me and we have no past, no history, just each other. But that isn't reality. Life never seems to give me what I want.
Chapter Four
Paige
"THANK YOU FOR taking me home." I look up at Captain, feeling a little unsteady. Even more unsure of myself. We didn't speak another word on the car ride home. He'd followed me up to my apartment, one hand still locked with mine. I don't want to let it go. It feels like the only thing holding me together right now and keeping other thoughts at bay, things I don't want to think about right now. I want to focus on his hand in mine before it's gone and I'm alone again.
He reaches into his pocket, leaning forward, and I think he's going to kiss me, but I hear the lock behind me pop, and my front door swings open.
I'm not surprised he has a key. Probably has one to every door in the whole building. "I'm staying." He pockets his keys and waits. My mouth falls open a little as I think about him coming inside. He's being so forward, and a smile pulls at the corner of his mouth. "I don't mean like that, kitten. Keep those claws in."
The comment would normally make me snap back at him, but the smile on his lips and the softness in his eyes have me returning the small smile. As much as I try to say I dislike Captain for how perfect he can be, it's one of the things that draws me to him. I know he likes me, but he's never been crude about it. That's not something I'm used to. Not with how I grew up, and not even in college. I'm pretty; I know that. But for some reason I've always attracted the assholes. Maybe it's my attitude, but they seem to flock to me. The good ones never seemed to pay me much attention. Until him. And now, for the first time, a man has my attention.
"You really don't have to do that. I kind of want to be alone," I lie. I don't want to be alone at all. The apartment feels so empty now with Mallory gone. It's been the two of us since college, but now she spends her nights a few floors up, with Miles, and I don't foresee her coming back. He's not letting her out of that apartment. I'd grown used to having someone around. Probably clung to it more than was healthy, but when you spend years alone and then you get to experience the joy of having someone so close, it's hard to let go. She's all I've ever really had.
The silence in the apartment has been driving me crazy. The walls feel like they're closing in.
Captain cups my face, his thumb rubbing along my jaw, and I tilt my head into his touch. I don't want him to stay because he thinks it's the right thing to do. I want him to stay because he wants to.
"You can let me in, or I'll stand in this hallway all night."
"You'd stand here all night?"
"I'd probably break in at some point," he admits. "Until I think you're really all right and not just feeding me a line."
His confession pulls at my heart, because I don't think I'll ever be all right. I don't tell him that. Instead, I motion for him to enter. He locks the door behind us, letting go of my hand, and I see him release a breath. The relief is clear on his face.
"Didn't think I was going to let you in?" I ask over my shoulder as I make my way to the kitchen. I open the freezer and pull out a bottle of vodka. I grab a glass and pour myself a drink, shooting it back before pouring myself another.
"I never know what you're going to do." Captain takes off his jacket, tossing it over the back of the sofa as he rolls up his sleeves, revealing all those tattoos I love. I could close my eyes and trace them perfectly.
"That must drive you crazy." I make my way back toward the sofa and sit down. I slip my shoes off, and the motion causes the slit of my dress to fall open. I look up to see Captain's eyes zero in on my thighs before they quickly move to my face. Forever the gentlemen. Until tonight, when I kissed him. Or did he kiss me? It was hard to know in that moment. I couldn't tell where he began and I ended. I'd never felt so connected with someone, and I wondered if sex was like that.