He pulls one of his hands from the wall, dropping it to my hip. I should push it away, but instead I stand there frozen, waiting to see what happens. His big palm rests on my hip, and he wraps his fingers around me. He's touched me before, but not like this. At work when he touches me, it's with a little too much ease. He started out only brushing past me, but then it progressed to tucking my hair behind my ear. No one touches me, except for Mallory from time to time. But the more time Ryan and I spend together, the more he does it. Like he's been doing it forever. Like we're lovers. As if it's his right to do so.
Normally I push him away or brush off his touch, and I hate when I do it. This time, though, I can't seem to find the will. I want his affection. I'm needy for it. I've been so starved for it lately. I need this moment. I need this one time, and then I'll be okay. I'll snatch it up and replay it over and over in my head when I need another taste of him. It has to be enough.
I'm going to blame it on my best friend falling in love with a man who looks at her as if she hangs the moon. Watching them together has been bittersweet. I love that she found it, but I know I'm losing her a little. Seeing her this happy makes me crave something I didn't want to crave. Love isn't in the cards for me. Even if deep down I know it's the one thing I want most. I have other plans in life, and falling in love isn't part of that. I've got a score to settle-avenging the one person who ever loved me. My mother. Well, loved me as much as she could.
Ryan moves his hand from my hip to my stomach and stops there. His eyes search my face, and I don't know what he's looking for. Maybe he's waiting for me to push him away, but I can't seem to breathe right as I wait for him to speak. I know he wants me, but I've been such a brat, and I tricked him into thinking I was pregnant to make him mad. It's ridiculous because it's physically impossible for me to be pregnant; unless by immaculate conception. Maybe I thought it would make him back off, and that all the things he makes me feel would go away. If he wasn't watching me or touching me, then my feelings would stop. But now he's more in my space than he's ever been.
"You shouldn't be on field work. It isn't safe." His deep voice rumbles from his chest and washes over me. I narrow my eyes on him, loving his concern but hating that he thinks he can tell me what to do. Before I can snap at him, he cuts me off. "I don't know who he is." Captain leans down a little more. His words are hard and filled with something I can't make out, an edge I've never heard from him before. "But apparently he's nobody important, because I haven't seen a man sniffing around you."
I want to tell him he has no idea what I do, but that would be a lie. I live in the same building as my brother, and it's one Captain monitors the security on. Along with us working security in the same building together, he pretty much knows every one of my moves.
"This baby is mine now. I'll take care of you."
His words hit me hard, shocking me. He did not say what I think he did. He wants to be the father of my baby? A baby that isn't his? He wants to step up and offer to care for me and my unborn child. Never mind that there is no baby, it's the fact that he wants to do this in spite of my pushing. In spite of all that I've done to hurt him, trying to keep him at a distance, he still won't give up. It's a reminder of how perfect he is. Too perfect for me. He always wants to do the right thing. I seem to always want to do the wrong thing.
Suddenly our mouths are on each other. Our lips connect and there's no softness to the kiss. It's fueled by everything I've been bottling up for him since the moment we met. The need and want I've been hiding, and all the fear of what could happen, is released in this kiss. The desire I've been hiding bleeds out as I cling to him, wrapping myself around his giant body. He easily picks me up, and my back once again presses against the wall. I want to close all the space I've been putting between us.
His mouth moves against mine, his tongue pushing its way into my mouth. He takes over the kiss, dominating it, and I let go. I allow myself to enjoy the closeness of him and soak it all up. I want every last drop I can get out of this.
He growls into my mouth, and I find myself moaning in response. I move against him as my dress slips to the side and I'm bare against his suit. He's moved one of his hands under me and he's holding my bare ass, his fingers digging into my flesh in a possessive, unbreakable hold. Something about the way he has me pinned to him so tightly is making me come undone.
Then he's gone.
I'm on my feet and he's turned around, his back to me. I'm in a daze, and it takes me a moment to realize he's talking to someone. Another man in a suit is telling him something, but I was too far gone to realize it. I'm lost in the moment we just had, stunned at how quickly all that perfection was ripped away. In the blink of an eye, everything can be gone. I've learned that lesson before, and it's not a pain I want to relive. It's not where my head should be, and I take a step to the side to steady myself. Captain turns and reaches for me, but I back up another step. Then another.