His(69)
The room was bright and now I could see clearly the blue and green and gray in his irises, gleaming brightly. His hand pinned down my hip as he thrust and I bucked against him, wanting him to control me. The ropes were tight around my wrists and I loved it, loved the feeling of giving myself over to every sensation that was happening at that very instant.
His rhythm grew faster, more insistent. I had thought that he had filled me entirely, but as he thrust he grew even stiffer, larger. His body rocked against mine, crashing body onto body in a whirlwind of slapping flesh, slick and ready.
“Ohhhh,” I moaned, feeling myself grow ready for release. I twisted under him as he jackhammered between my thighs. His cock slammed into me again and again, harder and faster until I felt him jerk upwards, freezing at the apex of his thrust in a spasm.
I came at the same time, my body rippling with pleasure as he jerked once, again, again, groaning in my ear. The sweet sound of his release. We clutched at each other needily, two dark souls in the middle of the strangest redemption.
He collapsed against me, his body almost crushing mine. I could feel his heartbeat racing against my own chest, our hearts trying to outdo each other. His lungs pressed against me with each breath.
And for the first time in a long time, I thought to myself:
I’m alive.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Gav
The darkness receded as I spilled myself inside of her. The world brightened, the shadow gone.
For how long? I didn’t care. What mattered was here, now.
What mattered was her.
She reached up to me and touched my lips. On her face was something like wonder.
“I love you,” she said, and began to cry.
Kat
“I love you.”
The words tumbled from my mouth and I lay there, more surprised that I had said them than surprised that I had felt them. Was it shock that drove me to tears? No, something else. A desperation that had grown inside of me until now, it showed itself.
He didn’t say anything. Instead he stood up, stumbling at the edge of the bed.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
I’m sorry? I wanted to reach out to him. Why are you sorry? Tears streamed down my cheeks and I was unable to stop them. I felt completely melted, unraveled. He had torn me apart inside and out, and I wanted him to turn to me, to hold me together. Instead he put his head in his hands.
“Please…” I whispered. “Gav?”
“Why are you crying?” he asked, a hint of frustration in his voice.
I shook my head. Strands of my hair stuck to my cheek, hot and wet as it was with tears.
“I don’t know,” I said. “It was wonderful. Gav—”
“And you’re crying.”
“This isn’t real!” I sobbed.
There. That was it. That was the thing that made me cry right now. He had split open my heart, and I had given it away to an illusion.
The realization shattered me. All around me, the walls spun. He was there, sitting right there. He had touched me, made me feel alive. He had made me feel wanted. He had made me feel loved.
“This isn’t real,” I repeated. Trying to make myself believe what I knew to be the truth. “None of this is real.”
“What isn’t real?” His voice was blank, empty. It made me even angrier. I brought my fists down hard, but against the mattress they didn’t even make a noise. My sobs were hoarse and angry.
“You!”
“I’m not real?”
He turned his head slowly, carefully meeting my gaze.
“You’re a psychopath,” I whispered. “The only guy who’s ever cared about me is a psychopath.”
“Does that make it not real?”
“But you don’t care, not really. You don’t care at all about me. I’m just a pet to you. I’m a prisoner. It’s not real.”
“You think you have it all figured out, kitten.”
“I do.”
“You’re wrong.” His voice lilted upward, as though teasing me. My throat burned.
“Tell me it’s not true, then. Tell me you care about me.”
“What would that serve?”
“It would help me be less lonely.”
He turned, stood, his hands loose at both sides. He was naked, but standing over me I thought he looked for all the world like a warrior at the ready. The only thing missing was a knife in his hand.
“I care about you,” he said.
“I don’t believe you.”
He spread his arms out, palms upward.
“What do you want?”
The air in the room was stale. My whole body rejected it. I curled up on my side, pulling the sheets over my shoulder. I had been so stupid. I had thought that when I reached out to him, he would reach back. But he wasn’t human. He was a monster. And because I loved him, I was a monster, too.