Highland Courage(10)

“That would be fine,” she whispered.

When the meal was over, he instructed his servants to show his guests to their chambers and see to their comforts. He turned to her parents. “Laird and Lady MacKenzie please consider this your home and let one of my servants know if ye need anything at all. Now, I’m sure ye won’t mind if I take my bride for an evening stroll.” Leaving no room for objection, he clasped her hand and walked away with her. Her father’s mouth fell open, and her siblings exchanged nervous glances, but they said nothing.

Tadhg and Mairead stepped out of the great hall into the now quiet courtyard. The night was cold and Mairead pulled her plaid over her head.

Tadhg looped her arm over his. “It’s probably too cold for a very long walk this evening. Would ye like to step into the chapel so we can talk out of the wind?”

“Aye, that would probably be best.”

The dim chapel, lit only by the sanctuary light, was a peaceful escape from the noise and bustle of the great hall. He guided her to one of the benches and sat beside her. He took her hand and simply waited. He said nothing nor did he push her to talk.

After a moment she said softly, “There is something I have to tell ye before things go any further.”

“Ye can tell me whatever is on your mind, Mairead.”

“I can’t let ye marry me without knowing—without knowing—I’m not—I’m not…” her voice trailed off. She shook her head in disgust. “I’m such a coward.”

He gave her a searching look. “Nay, Mairead, ye’re not.”

She started again. “I can’t let ye marry me without knowing I’m not—I’m not…” Several hot tears slipped down her cheeks as she struggled to find the words for what she had to tell him.

~ * ~

He found her so enchanting, he had trouble taking his eyes off her during dinner. It took him a bit by surprise when she asked to speak with him alone. As bashful as she clearly was, he certainly hadn’t expected it. As soon as the moment of shock passed, instinct told him this had something to do with what had happened to her years ago. He could only hope whatever it was; she would be honest with him. Still, part of him dreaded to hear about what left her so frightened and brought the haunted look to her eyes now. If the worst had happened to her, how would he handle it? He asked himself the question that had troubled him ever since Flan told him about that day at the Michaelmas Fair. Had she been raped? Was she a virgin and if she wasn’t, did that really matter to him?

Watching her struggle now caused his heart to ache. There was only one thing this shy, beautiful woman, sitting in the cold, dark chapel, could be trying so desperately to tell him. With this clarity, all doubts fled. Her maidenhood didn’t matter to him. At this moment, he only wanted to ease her pain. He squeezed her hands tightly, willing her his strength. “Are ye trying to tell me ye are not a virgin, Mairead?”

She nodded; her chin quivered and tears spilled out of her silver eyes, slipping silently down her cheeks. Taking her in his arms, he pulled her close. He tucked her head under his chin and smoothed his hand gently over her hair. “It’s all right, little one. Tell me what happened.”

It pleased him beyond words that instead of moving away, she sunk into his embrace. With her cheek resting on his chest, he simply listened as she told him the story she had never told anyone before. She told him about how she and Flan left their encampment despite their father’s orders and how she lost him.

“I didn’t know what to do. I had to get help, so I headed back to our campsite. I ran into five young men on the road. They wouldn’t let me pass.”

“Do ye know who they were?”

“Nay. I told them I needed to find my brother. They—they hurt me. They p—pulled me into the woods. I was s—s—so scared. One tried to k—kiss me and I bit him. He yelled at me and threw me on the ground. It knocked the wind out of me. He s—s—said I was alone and asking for it. I screamed and tried to get away, but he jumped on me and told his friends to h—hold me down. I couldn’t m—m—move. They were hurting me and I w—was crying but they just l—l—laughed. He pushed my skirts up then—then—it hurt.” Mairead sobbed, unable to say anything for a moment. Finally she added, “Then, someone pulled him off me. It was a p—priest.”

She finished the story, and he just held her while she cried. When she had some semblance of control back, she said, “So ye see it was all my fault and I am a coward. I was scared. My family was angry because Flan and I had wandered off. They were so disappointed in me. I couldn’t bring myself to tell them what really happened. I am so sorry. I should have told them before now, but I thought maybe—maybe I would never have to. After Da told me about the betrothal, I—I still couldn’t tell them, but I had to tell ye.”