“A little but I’m okay. Really. We should get back to your friends.” I start to sit up but he pulls me back down.
“Wait.” He holds my face so he can see my eyes. “Amy, are we okay?”
“What do you mean?”
“I just don’t want you to feel weird. I mean, you’re joking about the college hook-up thing? This isn’t just sex for me, you know that right?”
“Yeah, I do,” I try to say convincingly. I honestly do feel a little weird because I’m not sure what this is between us, but I’m relieved to hear that it is more for him too, because it is everything to me.
CHAPTER 19
Amy
“Ah! There they are,” Danny slurs, holding his cup in the air to cheer us.
I’m a little embarrassed. They obviously know why we disappeared, but at the same time, I know this is what happens at parties. I’m all of a sudden feeling a little panicky. Maybe overwhelmed with everything that’s happening and now being around all of these people. The drinks are going down too smoothly now. I’m halfway through a third cup when everything starts to spin. I feel hot and shaky. My heart is beating too fast. I can’t control my body from swaying. My eyes are so tired and they keep trying to close. I look around at everyone else and can’t tell if I’m the only one spinning. Then I see Candice walking towards me.
“Hi Amy.”
“Hi Candice.”
Not awkward. Nope. Not at all.
Dillon pulls me onto his lap and wraps his arms around my waist. “You okay?” he whispers in my ear.
“Think so.” No, I am so not okay.
The group is smaller now. It’s just Dillon’s closer friends. We all take seats on the tree stumps surrounding the small bonfire. Candice takes the only spot left, which happens to be next to me. They all suggest playing a game that they’ve played before. It’s called Never Have I Ever.
“So, basically each person makes a statement starting with, never have I ever. You’re supposed to pick something you’ve never done but something most people have, because the people that have, will lose a chip. It’s how we keep score. You want to keep your chips. So for example, you can say never have I ever gone to the zoo. Everyone who has gone to the zoo loses a chip. If they haven’t, they get to keep the chip, but….we changed it up and if you haven’t, you have to drink. I have a feeling you might win this game but be very drunk by the end.” Dillon chuckles and looks over at me. “They like to talk about sex, just so you know.” Then he whispers in my ear, “If you’re uncomfortable we don’t have to play.”
At first, I don’t want to play because I’m afraid I’ll look like an idiot, but I want to feel normal for once and play a stupid game with people my age, and it doesn’t sound that bad.
“I’m fine,” I tell him. “Let’s play.” I can hear my voice starting to sound funny, but I can’t control it. My lips feel numb. Dillon’s strong arms try to hold me still because my body is swaying side to side on his lap.
Ben stands up and passes each person ten chips. Apparently they play games like this often. “I’ll start,” he volunteers, already bent over laughing. “Never have I ever, kissed a guy.”
I’m the first to throw in a chip with a big smile on my face, everyone else follows suit. Everyone but Ben. Everyone is laughing hysterically and then I finally understand why. Danny and Dillon threw in a chip. I try to turn my head to look at Dillon but he’s hiding behind my back.
“It was a fucking dare,” he says, his voice muffled by my back.
“Oh my God, I remember that. He kissed Danny. Like right on the mouth. You were so drunk, Dillon.” Tess giggles.
“That was the best kiss I ever had,” Danny says dreamily. Tess reaches over and slugs his arm.
“Okay, okay. Amy, your turn.”
There are so many things that I’ve never done, but I decide to go with something safe. “Never have I ever been on a date.”
I hear a bunch of sad ‘awwwws’, as everyone throws in a chip. Dillon presses his lips against my ear and mumbles. “We’ll have to fix that.” I turn and smile at him.
“Your turn Tess.”
“Okay, um, never have I ever swallowed,” Tess confesses. Everyone boos at her and Ben pats a pouting Danny on the back.
“I have a bad gag reflex,” she says sadly.
I watch as Katelyn and Candice both toss in a chip. Candice looks right at me as I take my drink. “Poor Dillon,” she says, licking her lips.
“Knock it off Candice,” Dillon says, annoyed with her dig.