“Okay baby, mama and Aunt Amy are going shopping. You be good for Uncle Dillon and Grandpa!”
“Awnt Amy wus gonna colow wif me!”
“Maybe later baby.”
“K Mommy!”
“You colow wif me Unco Dewin?”
“Sure sweetheart.”
I watch as this big man sits on the floor with a crayon in his hand and I think, how did I get here? Aunt Amy? A few weeks ago, I was just Amy. I had no one. I didn’t have a future. Now, I feel like I might be a girlfriend, an aunt, a friend and be a part of a real family. I feel like I belong here. With Dillon.
Dillon, while chewing an apple slice, walks toward me and places his hands on my hips, tugging me towards him. He gives me a sticky kiss on my cheek and then laughs. “Have fun.” He hands me a green plastic card and whispers, “Buy something black and lacy.” Then he kisses me again quick on the lips. I lick my lips, tasting the apples from his mouth. He wants me to buy lingerie? My heart skips a beat and I can feel my entire body blush.
“Let her be Dillon. Come on Amy,” Laney whines.
I give him my best flirtatious smile and slip the green plastic card into a purse I borrowed from Laney. I grab my phone as well, even though I haven’t really used it. I follow Laney to the car in somewhat of a daze. I’m still tasting the apple on my lips from Dillon’s kiss and thinking about how far I’ve come in just a few weeks. Dillon touches me now like we’re together. Like I’m his girlfriend. He broke up with Candice because he couldn’t stop thinking about me. I’ve let him touch me in ways I’ve only ever dreamed about. I never thought I could have this life and when I let myself relax and take it all in, I start to feel like it’s going to be ripped away from me at any moment. A pending doom. I can’t shake it.
“So, tell me. What’s going on with you and my brother?” Laney asks, breaking through my negative thoughts as soon as we get into the car.
“Um.” I think about what to say. What has he told her?
“Ah. I know. He’s my brother but I know he’s irresistible. Can I just tell you, he’s good Amy. He’s a good man. I just want you to know that.”
“I know.” I find myself chewing on my lips all the time now to stop from smiling like a crazy person.
“Anything you want to talk about?” she asks, eyeing me with a knowing grin.
“I think I want to be with him, you know?” I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. Actually it’s all I’ve been thinking about. I get so hot just thinking about it. My palms are sweaty again. I rub them back and forth on my jeans.
“Yeah?”
“Do you think it’s too soon?” I turn to her and ask. I don’t know what’s normal. I know in the books I’m reading that things move pretty quickly.
“No. I knew instantly Caiden was the one for me and we didn’t wait. Does he know how you feel?”
“I don’t know.”
“You can talk to Dillon about anything. You can trust him. If you’re scared about where things are going, just talk to him. Believe me. He’s always been there for me. I talked to Dillon about barbies, lipstick, boys…he always listens and he’ll always be honest with you.”
We pull up to the doctor’s office. Laney assures me that this doctor is really easy to talk to. We sit in the waiting room and I fidget in the uncomfortable chair while staring at the covers of parenting magazines. My heart jumps into my throat when I think about the possibility of me becoming a mother. It’s too overwhelming to imagine, so I just sit still and pick nervously at my nails until the nurse calls my name.
“Good luck,” Laney whispers.
I follow the nurse on shaky legs and follow her instructions to get undressed and use the sheet to cover myself. I feel like I might vomit. My stomach feels like a swarm of bees has taken residence there. My head is hot. My body is clammy. My throat feels like it’s about to close up.
The door swings open and I’m greeted by a pretty blonde woman with a soft smile.
“Amy? How are you?”
“Good.”
“Relax. Laney is a good friend of mine. We’re just going to do a quick, painless exam and then you can relax.” She puts her pen to the papers on her clipboard. “Are you sexually active, Amy?”
“I haven’t had sex yet, no.”
“Okay. We can talk about that after the exam. It may be just a little uncomfortable for you.”
She instructs me to scooch down on the flat table and guides my legs into the contraptions at the end of the table. She gently presses my knees all the way to the side and explains what she’s about to do. I don’t hear her. I stare at the bright light above my head and clench my fists. Seconds later, she pats my knee and tells me I can sit up. I wipe a bunch of goop between my legs with the paper sheet and notice it’s tinged red.