"I know."
He gave his claim tag to the valet. "Is it still okay to take my car to the marina and come back for yours?"
"Yes," she said. She hoped while they were having a drink she'd be able to tell him about DJ. But she still wasn't sure how to say it. Also, a part of her didn't want to tell him. She still wasn't sure he was ready to be a father.
"Here's my car."
"A Maserati?"
"Yes, I like my cars fast and sexy."
"Why am I not surprised?" she asked. "Have you ever thought about what you'll do when you have a family?"
"I'm not planning on one," he said. As he glanced around and she met his calm brown gaze, she realized that he spoke the truth. She'd hoped to learn more about him as a man and all she'd learned was that his mom was a volunteer who hadn't made much time for him. Maybe that was why he didn't want a family.
"Oh," she said, knowing she sounded a little unsure. But really, what else could she say?
"I'm too much of a loner."
Well, there you go, she thought as she climbed into the car. What was she going to do now? No matter what he wanted or even what she desired, he had a son and she was the mother of that child. Whether he was ready to be a father or not. She owed it to him to let him know.
It was just that her fantasy of him suddenly falling to his knees and making declarations of love for her and DJ were gone. She realized that this was real life, not some fantasy world where everything was going to work out simply because she dreamed it.
"You okay?" he asked.
"Yes," she said. The miles to the marina flew by and Cari leaned her head back against the seat as the bluesy beat of Stevie Ray Vaughan flowed through the car. Stevie sang of heartbreak, and even though Cari knew she didn't love Dec she couldn't help but feel like she was a little heartbroken, too. It was the first time she realized that dreams could be broken as easily as a heart.
* * *
Dec felt the mood change as soon as they got to the marina. He was a member here because he lived on a yacht that was moored here. He'd learned a long time ago that he didn't want a big house, but he suspected that was his way of keeping himself different from his parents. He liked to pretend that all the stuff he could buy meant nothing to him. He doubted that Cari would be agreeable to a drink on his yacht, the Big Spender. His cousin Allan had named it for him-a tongue-in-cheek reference to the fact that he liked expensive toys.
He led the way through the member's-only club to a table set on the balcony far away from the other diners. It was quiet this time of night. He signaled the waiter and when he arrived Cari ordered a decaf coffee and Dec did the same.
"I seem to have said something that upset you," he said.
"I have something to tell you," she said.
"Go ahead," he invited.
"Um … it's not as easy as I imagined it to be," she said.
Now she was starting to worry him. What could she possibly have to say to him that was so difficult?
"Are you married?" he asked.
"No. I wouldn't have come to dinner with you if I were involved with another man," she said. "Commitment means something to me."
"It means something to me, as well," he said. "That's why I avoid it."
"Really? Did something bad happen to you in the past?"
"Yes."
"Tell me about it," she said.
Their coffee was delivered and the waiter left. But he didn't start talking. He didn't like to think of his past. Didn't like to discuss the fact that he was an orphan and his adoptive parents had been in a facade of a marriage. He was just the final piece in their perfect little image of a family. But none of it had been real.
"I'm not interested in the past," he said at last.
"But without the past we have no way of measuring where we are going."
"I'm more of a live-in-the-now man."
"But you have to plan for the future," she said. "Just having business goals would necessitate that."
He shrugged. "I'm driven at work. But it's more because I don't like to fail."
She shook her head. "I don't know what else to say. Or really how to say this. Our one-night stand … "
"Yes? Has it lingered in your mind? I know it has mine."
"In a way," she said, twisting the charm on her necklace with her fingers and then patting it down.
He glanced at the piece of jewelry, for the first time noticing that it was a charm with a small head on it and two initials. DJ.
DJ?
He was starting to put things together but what he was coming up with made no sense. Whatever it was she was trying so hard not to say to him … it couldn't be what was flirting around in the back of his mind.
She wouldn't have waited so long to get in touch with him. He had to believe that.
"What are you trying to tell me?"
She took another sip of her coffee and then put both hands on the table and leaned over toward him. Even in the dim lighting he could see the tension in her body and the nervousness in her eyes. He calmed himself the way he did when he had to fire someone. He pushed down all the emotions that had been swirling around him all night-even the lust that he'd hoped would lead to more than just a kiss.
"It might sound … That is to say after you left- Dammit, there is no way to say this nicely. I was pregnant, Dec. I had a baby nine months ago. A little boy," she said. Now that she'd started talking she couldn't seem to stop. "I know I should have called you or gotten in touch but at first I didn't-couldn't believe I was pregnant and then … well, your company was planning a hostile takeover of mine and … "
"I have a son?"
"Yes. He's nine months old," she said. She fumbled for her handbag and pulled out her cell phone.
He ignored her as the thoughts circled his mind. He never planned to have a kid because he didn't know how to be a father or really what it meant to be part of a family, and he knew from his own upbringing that a bad parent could be worse than no parent at all.
She was saying something else to him but he couldn't hear her words. All he knew was that the plans he'd made for his life had just disintegrated. He had to figure out what to do with this. A child. His child.
She handed him her phone. He glanced down at the screen and saw his son for the first time. His eyes were the same deep brown as Dec's were. His smile was small and toothless and his eyes wide. It was easy to see the baby was happy. And Dec felt his heart skip a beat and his stomach clench. This changed everything. It added a complication that even Dec couldn't navigate easily.
He stood up, knocking his chair over as he turned to face the glass and saw a reflection of himself. He'd never belonged to anyone, not really, and now Cari had told him he had a son. The first blood relative he'd ever known of.
"I have a son?"
Five
Cari knew she could have handled the announcement a little better, but at least it was out there, and a part of her felt relieved. She'd always told herself Dec had made his choice when he'd left and she'd made the best decision for herself-to have her son on her own. She'd felt bad about keeping DJ a secret from him, but she'd had no other choice.
Dec was quiet and those warm brown eyes of his were cold and hard. She knew she'd given him a shock and she wanted to just finish the conversation and get out of the marina bar. She'd never felt this unsure in her life. Except maybe that moment when she'd held her son in her arms for the first time and realized that she wanted to give him the world but had no idea how to take care of him.
"Given that you said you don't really want a family-"
He spoke without moving his eyes from the picture on her cell phone. "That was before I knew I had a son. He has my eyes." There was a sense of awe and maybe a little nervousness in his voice. She'd never seen him like this before. This had shaken him.
Finally he put her cell phone back on the table and glared over at her. Aside from the occasional smile, this was the first real emotion she'd seen from him. He looked angry and, if she was being totally honest, scared. She had had months to get used to the fact that she was going to have a baby. And he'd grown inside of her, giving her a chance to adjust to the fact that he was real.
She felt a little guilty at how she'd sprung the announcement on Dec. He seemed shell-shocked. When he sat down again she reached for his hand, but he drew it away from her and stared stonily at her.
"I know he has your eyes," she said at last. "Listen, we have a lot to talk about," she added, taking control of the situation.