"It will save the bottom line, and I have to run it past finance, but I bet we wouldn't need to sell too many to make a profit."
"Good thinking. I can't wait to discuss this tomorrow. Thanks, Cari."
She said goodbye to her sister and leaned back in her office chair, wishing that she could solve the problem between her and Dec as easily. But games were much easier for her than real life because they were just that-games.
* * *
Tonight everything was going his way, Dec thought as he entered the nursery and retrieved his son from Rita, the day-care nurse who was on duty tonight. He carried the boy back toward Cari's office. DJ was chortling happily, making that "dada" noise again and Dec felt like he was king of his world. There hadn't been a lot of times when he'd been filled with … He didn't really know what this was. He wasn't a miserable son of a bitch generally, but he also wasn't happy. But tonight he felt the first seeds of what he might be.
It was scary, though, because when he'd held Cari in his arms he'd had that soul-deep fear that if he let go of her she might disappear. He knew she wasn't like him and wouldn't just walk away like he had, but another part of him feared she would. It would serve him right if she did, but he was praying that he could show her … What?
She was going to need more than sex from him, and he'd never been good at emotions. He hadn't been lying when he'd told her he'd left that morning after to avoid the messy stuff. Now here he was wanting it … almost. He'd seen the fear in her eyes as she'd dashed into her private washroom. Carrying DJ tucked against his chest and seeing those sleepy brown eyes watching him now, Dec felt the weight of his actions.
He almost wondered if he should propose to her. Get her to marry him. And then what? Being married wasn't going to be a solution to the problems that still existed between them. A marriage license hadn't been a magical cure-all for his parents' problems, and he knew better than to suggest that to Cari tonight.
He just had to find the right words to say. And the right way to say them. And then maybe they would be able to move on from here. What he really wanted was to take Cari and DJ to his yacht and then sail off for the horizon. But that was taking running away to the extreme and he couldn't do that. Not now when he was finally really part of the Montrose legacy.
He wasn't the outsider he'd always been. And Cari wouldn't leave her sisters now anyway. He knew that without even asking her.
He paused in the hallway that led to Cari's office. Saw the awards on the wall and the photos of the staff that were hung there. DJ reached out toward one framed picture and Dec realized it was of Cari, Emma and Jessi with their grandfather. This family was part of his son's heritage.
At that moment he realized how important it was that he save both hereditary lines for his son. And he had no idea how he was going to do that. Kell wasn't going to be satisfied if any part of Infinity Games still existed when the takeover was completed.
He shifted the boy to his shoulder and continued down the hall, stopping in the outer office when he heard Cari on the phone. Her exact words weren't clear.
He rapped on the door before pushing it open and noticed she sat behind her desk with her arms crossed over her chest. He remembered her nakedness and wanted her again. The orgasm he'd had was nice but he knew he wasn't going to be satisfied until he made her totally his again. Until he'd taken her and claimed her once again for himself.
He needed that. And he hadn't realized how much until this moment when he saw her defensive posture and realized that while tonight had eased some of his concerns, it had simply heightened hers.
"I guess you are ready to go home?"
"Yes. It's late and I have an early-morning meeting," she said. "Besides, DJ needs to be in bed, too."
"I think his nap helped him," Dec said.
"You're right," she said, reaching for the boy.
Dec dropped a kiss on his son's head before handing him over to her. "I know."
She moved around the office, busying herself with getting ready to leave. She slung her laptop case and the diaper bag over one shoulder and then balanced DJ on her hip while reaching for the car seat.
"I'll get that. In fact, I can carry your bags, too," he said reaching for them.
But she pushed his hand away. "It's okay. I can get it all. I'm used to doing it on my own."
The words weren't meant to be a jab at him, but he felt it all the same. She was used to doing it on her own because he'd left her. He wondered if her mood had anything to do with the fear that he might do it again. And what kind of reassurance could he give her? Just the fact that he still wanted her. That he had never felt this way before. That if he could, he'd stay with her forever. Even though he usually didn't think of himself in those terms-forever.
"I think we need to talk."
"Not tonight," she said.
"Yes, tonight," he countered. He reached past her, took the bags from her shoulder and placed them on the table. "I don't like the way you're acting."
"I'm sorry you don't. I'm not sure how to change it right now."
"I am," he said walking back to her.
But she put her hand up. "Stop. Sex isn't going to fix this."
"I didn't think it would. I was going to give you a hug, Cari. I thought you might need some reassurance that this isn't like the last time."
"I know it isn't, Dec. We have a son now."
Ten
"Yes, we do. I've been trying to ease my way into your life, but it's not enough, is it?" he asked. He had no idea how to build a relationship. Or anything for that matter. He was an expert on breaking up companies and parceling off different parts of them. He was an ace at walking away before things got too hot and heavy. And here he was trying to convince the one woman who knew him best that he wanted to change.
She shrugged, and it was like an arrow to his heart. He knew that he wasn't fooling her. There was not going to be an easy way for him to ease into this. Half-truths and grand gestures weren't going to win her over. He was going to have to convince her of his sincerity.
She nibbled at her lower lip as she shook her head. "I don't know. Tonight was nice and I really enjoyed it until that moment when-"
He didn't understand what she meant. He silently cursed his adoptive parents, who'd shipped him away when he was old enough to start walking and talking. Even though they hadn't been close, it would have benefited him to have at least observed them interacting together. Maybe he would have gleaned something he could use now with Cari.
"What moment?" he asked.
She nervously pushed a strand of hair back behind her ear and then rubbed her cheek against DJ's head. Dec noticed that she held the baby closer and cuddled him like she drew strength from having their son in her arms.
"Cari?"
She sighed. "The moment that I realized I didn't know if you were going to stick around. Or if it was going to be like last time … and I know I told you I changed, and I have, but I also care about you, Dec. It's not love, I'm trying not to be too emotional or messy, but you're my baby's father and it's hard not to care."
Dec took a step back, not knowing what to say. He rubbed the back of his neck and cursed the wonderful legacy of his upbringing that had left him so hollow and empty inside that he ended up hurting this woman. He was trying to be what she needed, but he saw now that it was going to take a lot more than just trying to make her happy.
"I thought you knew that now I'm trying to find that bond with you," he said. He didn't want to have to talk about what he wanted. Or how a part of him wanted her to fill that emptiness that had been inside of him for too long.
"I don't know. All I know is that I didn't want to let you go, but I can't hold you either. I'm not sure if you're just enthralled with the newness of having a blood relative of your own or if this is something real."
She'd hit the nail on the head with that observation and he shouldn't be surprised. She was astute, and her staff had spent the better part of the week telling him she was empathetic. She'd want to ease his suffering to make this easier on him, but she had to keep her guard up because of who he was.
"I do want a bond with you, Cari. I can't make you promises because I know how easily they can be broken. But I'm trying. Can that be enough for you? For now?" he asked. He'd wanted so little in this life, nothing that had caused this ache inside him at the thought of losing her. Tonight when he was alone he needed to examine this new weakness. This kind of caring was a detriment to a man in the middle of taking over a company. This was the worst possible time for her to be making him suddenly feel emotions.