Once again she pretended she knew what she was doing, as she had every day since her son was born. It was important that Dec not doubt her. It was important that he thought she knew what she was doing. Because if she let her confidence slip for a second she knew he'd try to take over. "I didn't try to contact you because there were all those months before I knew I was pregnant when you didn't get in touch. It kind of seemed like you'd moved on and I had to move on, too."
"You still should have-"
"What? Even today you're not exactly warm and welcoming unless you count that kiss in the boardroom and frankly, I can't. I don't have the luxury of waiting around to see if you have changed. I'm a mother now, Dec. I have someone else counting on me."
He looked at her as if he'd never seen her before, and she just stared back at him. She'd spoken the truth. No one, not even this man, was going to protect her son the way she did. And she kept that in mind as she sat across from him now.
He sighed and tunneled his fingers through his thick hair, leaving it rumpled. His hands shook when he reached for his coffee and she wondered what was going on in his mind. But then she'd never really been good at guessing his motivations.
"Okay, let's stop the blame game," he said. "I behaved … Well, it doesn't matter. I used a condom."
She'd agonized over that moment a million times. He had used protection, and though she hadn't been on the pill, she'd thought they were safe. It was only when she'd started feeling queasy and then throwing up six weeks later that she'd thought … Well, she'd denied it could be anything but an upset stomach from spending too many months on the road at conferences. But when her stomach had started to grow and that little bump had appeared it had been impossible to deny the fact that somehow on that one night together she and Dec had made a baby.
"I know. I guess it must have not worked. Believe me, I went over that night in detail a million times. For a while before DJ was born I almost wished it had never happened. I'm never that impetuous."
"DJ?" he asked. He leaned forward, and some of the fear was leaving his eyes and she thought she saw him starting to plan.
She didn't want to give him too much time to think because Dec off his guard worked for her. Dec making plans and convincing her to go along with him … Well, let's just say that was what landed her in this position.
"Yes, I named him Declan Junior, but I've always called him DJ so no one in the family would suspect who his father was. Since this is California I didn't have to name a father on the birth certificate, and as far as my sisters are concerned, DJ's dad was a one-night stand. Someone whose last name I didn't get."
"I think they might put two and two together once I start-"
"No. You don't start anything. I'm telling you about him because you're here now and there might come a time when DJ wants to get to know you." She got that he had rights to his son but she'd seen so many fathers really screw up their kids-her own, for example. And she wasn't about to take a chance in letting DJ start to care and count on Dec just to have him bail when he was done with the merger.
She had no reason to believe he'd do anything else. Dec was essentially a stranger to her. If she could go back in time and tell herself anything, it would be to get to know this man before sleeping with him.
"I want to know my son," he said at last. He leaned forward and stared into her eyes. "I want to meet him and have a chance to be a father to him."
"Not even thirty minutes ago you said you didn't want a family," she reminded him, because the temptation was to believe him. She still had that vision in her head of the perfect little family. She still wanted a partner to help her raise DJ. But she just wasn't sure that Declan Montrose could be that man.
* * *
Dec was reeling. This was easily the biggest shock of his life. He had never thought of having kids because he knew how fragile life was. Knew how hard it was to be a great parent-he'd had two experiences of being essentially left alone as a child. First when his biological parents had put him up for adoption. And then when Helene and Beau Montrose had brought him into their Beverly Hills mansion. They'd both had very full lives and usually just trotted him out for family photos, leaving him feeling alone, more like a well-pampered pet than a son.
Having a kid … Having anyone rely on him outside of the office … Well, it wasn't something he'd been prepared for. He'd been leading Cari to seduction, but suddenly lust had taken a backseat. And that was what had him thinking that he needed to say and do the right thing here. He still wanted her, and the thought of a child with her wasn't sending him into full panic mode.
He'd always been a loner and he knew himself well enough to acknowledge that he probably was essentially the same sort of man that he'd always been. However, for the first time since he'd left his parents' home and their fortune behind, he felt charged with a sense of purpose.
He just wasn't sure what that purpose was.
A son. The thought still made his hands shake. He shoved aside his own nerves, put his hands on the table and leaned over toward her.
"I'd like to see my son," he said again. He was going to keep asking until he saw him. Until he held him in his arms. He couldn't believe he had a son.
She nodded. "It will be easier if you and I do this on our own. Once our families are involved it will get messy."
She had no idea how messy, Dec thought. Especially when Kell found out. Kell was a maniac when it came to the Chandler family, and given that he'd grown up with their grandfather and his mother hadn't brought in an influx of cash the way that Helene had, Kell had been bitter and focused all of his energy on revenge. His cousin, who was always looking for another way to bring the Chandlers to their knees, would use DJ as a pawn. He could easily imagine Kell urging Dec to be the sole guardian of the boy so he could be raised to hate the Chandlers the way Kell had been. Dec was sure of it.
In his mind he ordered the important events that had to take place. Order and planning were how he'd managed his life, and despite the fact that Cari was sitting across from him with those big blue eyes of hers and a determined stare, he planned to take charge. In the end she'd thank him.
"I will come to your house tomorrow and meet our son," he said emphatically.
"Just call him DJ."
"Why? He's my son."
"Yes, but you're not ready to be a father."
He arched one eyebrow at her, prepared to brazen out the fact that he could be an excellent dad. But then he thought of giving up his Maserati. Thought of the fact that a baby couldn't live on a yacht. Thought of all the things that he'd used to keep his life from having a real anchor and a real home. All of that would have to change … .
"I am willing to try," he said.
She nibbled at her full pink lower lip and tipped her head to the side to study him. She was searching for something, and he tried to look earnest and not desperate, but he couldn't shake the fact that for the first time since he'd been brought into the Montrose family, he truly had flesh and blood of his own. He and his cousins were united in purpose, but they knew the same way Dec did that he wasn't really a Montrose. Now, though, he had a son. Someone who belonged to him. No one ever had before, and when he was alone he'd explore these unfamiliar feelings coursing through him for the first time.
The full importance of the moment hit him hard in the gut and he gripped the table to keep locked in this moment. He wasn't alone anymore. But this woman was the key to access to his son. He knew nothing about her except the sounds she'd made when she'd been in his arms.
"Trying is good," she said.
To be honest, he had no idea what she was talking about. Only knew that she was willing to give him a chance, and that was all he needed. "Okay, so I will come by your house tomorrow morning."
"I have to pick him up from Emma's first thing and then we can meet at the beach."
"Why the beach?" he asked.
"DJ likes it there. Plus my housekeeper will be at home and her sister is Emma's housekeeper. I want to keep this between you and me for right now. I don't want DJ to be part of what's been going on between our families."
"Agreed," he said. "When I said I wasn't ever having a family, that was just me trying to keep you from knowing that I wanted you."
She gave him a knowing look. "Yeah, right. That was you warning me that you weren't planning to stick around this time either."
That was exactly what it had been. And he was glad that she wasn't looking to him to be something he wasn't sure he could be. A part of him wanted to be upset with her for not instantly seeing him as part of her little family, but another part of him was relieved. Maybe he could be like a favored uncle to DJ?