Hers to Take(20)

"Hey." Nash's voice was softer. "I wasn't trying to upset you."

"It's okay." And oddly, it was. Sure, thinking about her family, and the way she denied her true self, was hard, but it needed to be done. She couldn't avoid it. Not forever anyway. Besides, it was exhausting, holding it inside all the time. "You're right. I do deny my bear. I deny everything about myself and my past. It's easier that way."

"Easier?"

"It hurts less."

"Kira … talk to me." He put his fork down, crossed his hands in front of him on the table and stared into her eyes.

She sighed, letting the air leave her lungs before she looked up into his gray eyes. He was a wolf. She had no business telling him her secrets. From the time she was a cub, she'd been taught to stay away from wolves. It was family first, or not at all. And definitely not dogs. But he was watching her with real care and concern in his eyes. He wanted to know. She could see that. Besides, dog or not, not even twenty-four hours ago, he'd been inside her. And even if that had never happened, there was something about him. Despite herself, she felt closer to Nash than she'd felt with anyone. With the exception of her twin brother. But that was different. And it's not as if she'd be able to vent to Kade anytime soon.

What was the point of keeping it all in?

"Almost two years ago I made a choice that my family didn't agree with." She started talking. "I chose an unsuitable mate." Just thinking of Ryan and the word mate in the same sentence made her shudder now that she knew it was as far from the truth as she could get. "There was a group of young grizzlies traveling through my home territory and my grandfather forbade the females of our clan to go anywhere near them. Of course, I took that as a challenge."

Nash raised his brow. "Of course you did."

"Well, I fell for one of them." Nash's face twisted as he realized the direction her story was taking. "His name was Ryan Dixon and he was smooth, charming, and handsome."

"A deadly combination." Nash winked and for a moment, Kira smiled. And then she remembered.

"Ryan was also a liar, and a con. He convinced me that we were fated mates and meant to be together. He quickly wormed his way into my heart in a way I couldn't even begin to describe. The worst part was I believed everything he said. All of it. I fell for it." Remembering her naiveté stung, but it was part of the story, so she told it. "He said all the right things, telling me I was beautiful and sexy and how he couldn't stand to be apart from me for even a moment." She laughed, the sound harsh. "The craziest thing was we'd only known each other for a few days, so we didn't even have a chance to actually be apart. But I couldn't see that. I couldn't see anything except Ryan. He convinced me we were fated. Fated. And I fell for that. Do wolves have fated mates?"




 

 

It couldn't only be a bear thing, but she'd never thought to ask before. She'd never needed to know. But now, for reasons she didn't fully want to explore, it seemed very important.

"This is going to sound kind of stupid," Nash said. "But I don't really know if we do or not."

"How can you not know? Surely you know people who have fated mates? Or at least talk about it."

He shook his head and stared at her blankly. "I mean … maybe? Mates are chosen where I come from."

That was sad. To know that wolves would never feel the burning pull of a fated mate, it was just so … sad. But what was sadder? Never being able to experience it? Or to be fooled into thinking you had it, just to be humiliated? Kira's face burned hot with shame.

"Well, if wolves don't have fated mates, you're lucky. Because at least you'll never have to worry about what it's really supposed to feel like."

"What does that mean? What's it supposed to feel like? It seems that it would be a good thing."

"I wouldn't know," Kira said sadly. "I mean, I thought I did. I thought I had it with Ryan. But it was just lust and excitement and … make-believe. He made me believe it was true, but it wasn't. We weren't fated and by the time I realized it, it was too late."

If she was honest with herself, it was probably too late the moment she disobeyed her grandfather. Her brothers had known it, too. She was never the type of bear who was going to sit around and wait to be told what to do, and who to mate and how to live the rest of her life. She'd been yearning to go out on her own and experience life from the time she was a young cub. She'd never been cut out to lead the type of life her grandfather wanted for her.

Ryan had been an excuse. A reason to get out. And if she was really honest with herself, she knew that. She wanted to believe that they were fated mates because it made leaving that much easier. But even knowing why she'd fallen so easily, his betrayal still hurt because she had believed him.