Here Be Sexist Vampires(40)
“I know you only kissed me because you couldn’t get through to me before. I know that. But you didn’t stop, Sam. You could have, because sure enough the kiss served its purpose. Not only did you not stop, but you got that carried away that you teleported us without trying to. So I’m thinking maybe you want me a lot more than what you’re letting on.”
I honestly didn’t know what he wanted from me. Yeah, a shag. But I didn’t get why a shag was all so important. “Jared, why are you pushing this? What is it you want to hear?”
“I just need to understand why you pull away from me.”
Oh – he’s not used to rejection. The idea of someone not wanting him was just incomprehensible to him. Blokes and their egos!
“I know you said that you find me having three consorts a bit weird...But, I mean, what is it that you’re saying exactly? Is it that you want me to get rid of them? That you want to be my only consort? That you want more from me than just sex? What?”
I held up my index finger. “Alright, first of all, I’ll never be anyone’s consort ever again in my life. I thought I made that clear. And I don’t want some fairytale relationship; I couldn’t give that much of myself anyway when I’ve only just got me back.”
“I don’t want a relationship either, so what’s the problem?”
“Jared, I can’t sleep with someone who sees women as possessions. I’ve been doing that for the past three years.”
“I see women as possessions?”
“You have three constantly tucked in a little apartment awaiting your pleasure.”
He sighed and shook his head, still confused. “So...you’re saying that you ignore that you want me because I’ve got consorts? So then you do want me to get rid of them.”
“You’re not listening to me. You see women as possessions – that is the problem.”
He started pacing in front of me. “Why are you being so judgemental about this? I’m not the only one who has consorts. Antonio has them, do you judge him?”
“Antonio isn’t asking me to sleep with him.”
“Half the Commanders have them, most of the security guards have them.”
“Yeah, and a lot of them don’t. Sebastian doesn’t either. Your brother doesn’t.”
He halted his pacing and his irises glowed red. “Whoa, wait a minute, what does my brother have to do with this?”
“I’m just saying -”
“Comparing me to my brother? Who’s scoring the most points so far?”#p#分页标题#e#
“Oh don’t be a dick.”
He glared at me for a minute like he was studying me, like he was trying to see through me. And then a smile – it wasn’t a nice one – crept onto his face. “Know what I think, Sam?” He walked toward me stealthily, his eyes narrowed. “I think it’s just been that long for you since your body and your mind responded to someone without any manipulating involved from anybody else that you don’t know what to do. It scares the hell out of you, doesn’t it?”
He was right up close to me now. I’d never seen him angry before. He was unnerving, to be truthful. At the same time as wanting to reach out and calm him, I also wanted to slap him for making me see something about myself that I hadn’t really wanted to see. I was – human years and vampire years added together – twenty-three years old...and I didn’t know how to handle something as basic as desire anymore.
“Maybe,” I allowed. It didn’t seem worth denying it. “Can you honestly blame me for that? Can you blame me for not wanting to feel like someone’s possession anymore? Every single time he touched me I felt sick, dirty, and sometimes I wanted to die. So excuse me if I don’t want to sleep with someone who sees women as nothing but sexual outlets just the same way that he did!”
Jared pointed hard at me and spoke through his teeth. “Hey, I am nothing like him. Don’t ever compare me to him again, or to my brother. I’ll tell you what, Sam” – he said my name with animosity – “I’ll make things easy for you: right now is the last time we’ll ever talk about this. I’ll never come onto you ever again. The bet’s off. You can just get on with your celibate lifestyle and I’ll get on with shagging my sexual outlets.”
He then teleported away, leaving me alone with thoughts that I didn’t want at the forefront of my mind and feelings that I didn’t want to feel. If I – a vampire, a creature that was naturally sensual – couldn’t even cope with desire then I was basically broken, wasn’t I? I hated Victor so much right now. And Jared. Actually, no, I didn’t hate him. I hated that he was so infuriated with me. I hated that he was somewhere thinking bad of me. I hated that I’d hurt him. How could I have compared him to Victor? I hadn’t been comparing him to Evan, or at least not in the way that he was thinking; I wasn’t weighing up who was the better brother to be with. I didn’t want to be with either of them. I honestly just wanted to belong only to myself and not have to be concerned with pleasing other people.