“What has passed here?!” he roars.
Olafr breaks off apologizing, his eyes two sorrowful stones in his face. “I do not know,” he answers over their brother bond. “I think…I think I lost control.”
24
I cannot stop sobbing.
I’m a monster.
I just had sex with a wolf-bound shifter and it was my fault. I should have been more careful. Gone somewhere else to wait them out. Or done a million other things that didn’t involve permitting Olafr to park outside my door for three days like he was a friendly neighborhood dog.
But I’d been so consumed by the Ninja Shifters game, it hadn’t occurred to me I might actually go into heat here in Alaska.
The truth is, after thirty-plus years of celibacy topped off with that ridiculous situation with Kyle, I was beginning to think my father was right. Maybe I was like my step-aunt and incapable of going into heat.
The only other she-wolf I knew who’d gone into heat as late as me was Alisha, and even she’d been a few years younger than I am now. That’s when I remember…Alisha went into heat less than twenty-four hours after having been up close and personal with her fated mate.
Damn. That kiss with FJ. I should have known. Should have known!
I knock my head back against the wall, hating myself. Hating this situation.
Who does this? Who goes through her life with sexual blinders on until it’s too damn late and she’s stuck having really awful heat sex with someone without the mental capacity to shift on his own, much less understand what he’s doing?
Ugh.
I think about how I let him flip me over without a word of protest. My wolf panting for him, begging him to put it in me. Put. It. In. Me. I actually said those words out loud, I remember with a huge inner cringe.
What kind of she-wolf gets turned on by a wolf-bound shifter?
I weep as the next question pops into my head. What kind of she-wolf stays turned on by a wolf-bound shifter?
Nausea nearly overtakes me as I remember the confused look on his face. The blinking way he’d shaken his head, as if trying to make sense of what had just happened. Because obviously he didn’t know what he was doing when he claimed me.
And the way my body betrayed me. When instead of releasing me from the heat as it should have under the circumstances, I’d immediately erupted into another round. What the hell?! If Alisha was right and our species was really put here by some kind of alien race, they obviously weren’t thinking of ethics when they designed us to become so desperate with need when we go into heat that we’d fuck any wolf—even one that was completely inappropriate.
I barely manage to shut myself in the closet before my inner-thighs are once more sticky with desire, my body filling up with a want so bad, it knows no bounds. The sad truth is, my body simply does not care if the male wolf outside my hiding place is mentally challenged.
I want to be fucked by him again.
So bad, it’s painful. My stomach is cramping with need and my legs are shaking. I have to wrap my arms tight around my knees and dig my nails into my skin in order to keep my wolf from doing what she wants: burst out of this closet and take advantage of that poor wolf. Again.
I can hear him out there, speaking what I assume is Old Norse, his voice sounding confused and apologetic. And it only makes me cry harder.
What am I going to do? What am I going to do?
Then there’s another voice. It’s FJ and he’s shouting something in that same language.
Olafr responds and then FJ is yelling at him like this is all his brother’s fault. And when I peer out between slatted panels of the closet door, I see they are fighting. Physically fighting.#p#分页标题#e#
I angrily wipe away my tears and yell, “FJ! FJ, stop this now!”
More scuffling and I yell even louder. “FJ! Leave your brother alone, it’s not his fault!”
I can’t see what happens after that, but a millisecond later, both FJ and Olafr are back by my closet door.
“Varra,” FJ says, his voice gruff with concern. “Are you harmed? My brother tells me naught of what has happened here. Only that he lost control, a crime for which he will pay.”
Well, I’m definitely not okay. Not by a long shot. But right now, I’m way more interested in defending Olafr from his brother than I am in explaining to FJ that I can barely breathe because of my body’s primal need to have sex again.
I force my brain to focus on talking to FJ. “That’s because he doesn’t understand. He’s wolf-bound, remember? And I feel like a monster for letting things get so out of control.”
And for wanting to do it again. Fresh tears spring to my eyes just thinking about how hard my body is riding me to repeat my awful mistake.