“Eli—” she says, but I cut her off.
“Let’s go home, Maggie.” I pull away from her touch and watch her bring her hand to her lips. Like she’s trying to feel what I just did to her.
I should apologize, but I don’t. I’m not sorry. Not one fucking bit. But this can’t happen again. I want her more than I’ve ever wanted anything. More than I wanted a family when I was in foster care. More than I wanted to survive after the bomb went off. More than every dream I’ve ever had for myself combined. And that is dangerous.
I lean back in the seat and close my eyes, willing her to drive us from here. Because if she doesn’t, I don’t know what I’ll do. I don’t know that I’ll be able to stop.
I feel both relief and agony when she starts the Jeep and we drive away.
Chapter 9
Maggie
I play with the charms on my bracelet, unable to stop touching them. They make me smile. My fingers always go back to the heart charm. He said it was his heart. I started crying because he’d had my heart all this time and then he gave me his.
I’m not letting how last night ended ruin this. I know Eli is scared. He’s worried about what my father might think. He’s been a father to him, too, and I know our family means a lot to Eli. He’s worried about hurting the Major, and I love him for that, because my dad means the world to me as well. He may also be worried about what others might think, but it can be our secret for a while if we want. Eli and I could steal away moments until the right time comes for us to come out together. I know the two of us are meant to be. I can feel it to my bones.
I was disappointed this morning when I woke up and he wasn’t there. I was so used to him taking me to school, but now that I have my own car, it felt silly. I’m guessing because now that I have my Jeep, that’s why he wasn’t there this morning. He knew I’d be driving myself.
My heart gives a little flutter as I think about the kiss last night. It was so much more than I expected, and I know he felt it too. He had to. It was like I found out I’d only been living as half a person. Then we kissed and that was it. He’s my other half. This has to be what soulmates are all about. This has to be what love is. There was so much in that kiss. So much came pouring out of both of us. My cheeks warm at the memory. It was exactly what a first kiss is supposed to be like, and I’m so happy it was with Eli and that I waited for the one.
Now I just have to get Eli on the same page. I know others might not like our relationship, but I don’t care. We can keep it on the down low for a while, and no one has to know.
“Hey, Maggie.” Sam slides into the desk next to mine, drawing my attention away from my charm bracelet. I was once again lost in thoughts of Eli.
“Hey.” I smile back at him.
“I had a great time at your party yesterday. I’d be down for hanging out again sometime.” He glances down at his desk, and I see his cheeks turn a little pink.
Crap. I don’t want to hurt his feelings. Sam is always so nice, and I genuinely like talking to him. I don’t want it to get awkward. I don’t have a ton of friends at school after the whole Nick thing. We’re only a little chunk into our junior year, so I don’t want to spend the next months in complete social exile.
“Sam, I—”
“Alice is really pretty, and well…” He runs a hand through his short curly hair and finally meets my eyes. I smile brightly at him, and my worry about him liking me as anything more than a friend slips away.
“She is, isn’t she?” I push, wanting to hear more about his crush. I’m doing a happy-clap inside, but don’t want to seem too excited.
“You think she’ll think I’m too young? She is a senior and all…”
“No,” I say with a little too much force. They would look cute together, but I worry about them both being too shy. “You’re only, like, a year apart, right?”
“A little less than that,” he confirms. His dark brown eyes light up.
Alice is going to kill me, but I don’t care. I’m already matchmaking in my head and coming up with ideas on how to get them together.
“Maybe we can all hang out this weekend or something,” I suggest, already putting things in motion.
“Awesome,” he says as the bell rings and everyone takes their seats. The room goes quiet as the teacher starts her lesson.
The day drags slower than I want it to. I know the day is going to be even longer because I signed up for an SAT class. I take it on Mondays after school in the library, so I’m not able to go to the center and volunteer tonight. I check my phone a few times throughout the day hoping Eli will text me or something. I get nothing from him. Complete silence.