“I might have turned over a new leaf, but I have a whole tree’s worth of old leaves, most of them with men’s names scratched on the back. I know when a man is involved. It’s a gift. Or a curse. So go on, tell Liza all about him.”
“Okay, okay, so you’re right. It’s about a man. His name is Jake.” Natalie felt a little of the weight lift already, just saying his name. “I should have told you about him earlier.”
“There’s been an earlier? Just how long has this Jake been in the picture?”
“Since the night of Conrad’s big bash at The Maxi.”
Liza was nothing if not sharp; she put it together in a blink. “Oh my God. Jake Lannister. You went out for more than coffee, didn’t you.” She hooted. “Oh, this is great! Here I am feeling pangs of guilt for all my bad-girl ways, and all along you’re out there— Exactly what were you out there doing?”
Natalie groaned. “God, what didn’t we do?”
There was a thunk, followed by some hollow-sounding noises as Liza picked the phone back up. She started to talk, then had to stop to clear her throat. “You go, girl. I take it this has been going on for more than that one night?”
“Oh, yeah.”
“If I wasn’t so blown away, I’d be hurt.”
“I know, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It was so…I don’t know, so different from anything I’ve ever done.”
“What, you were ashamed? I’m the last person—”
“No, no, I wasn’t ashamed. It was just, well, it wasn’t exactly a normal relationship. We were sort of just together for…”
“The sex?” Liza hooted even louder now. “I love this!” She actually gave a cheer.
Natalie let her have her moment; she certainly owed her that much.
“All I can say is, it’s about damn time,” Liza went on. “I think this is great. So what happened?” She didn’t even let Natalie respond. “Oh, no! The same thing as Conrad. You fell for him and he dumped you.”
“No, no, that’s not it. I think we both sort of fell. But I was the one who left.”
“You what? Wait a minute, here. Let me get this straight. The sex is so great that even you were willing to compromise your oh-so-strict moral code to see this guy. And you know I want details so bad it’s killing me even though you probably haven’t relaxed those codes enough to tell me. Dammit. Anyway, the sex is great, the guy is sweet, you fall, he falls—and you walk away? What’s wrong with you?”
Only Liza could make her laugh at a time like this. “Gee, Liza, I’m so glad I turned to you in my moment of pain and heartache.”
Liza had no remorse—not that Natalie had expected any. “You’re going to have to explain this to me. Connect the dots, here.”
Natalie sighed now, no longer feeling like laughing. “He comes from a big family, too.”
“Yeah, yeah, they’re into cows or something, right?”
“Cattle. And his bottom line is right in the same ballpark as mine, wealth-wise.”
“Match made in heaven. You both have money, you both come from a family business. What, you don’t want to spend your life with cows?”
“Cattle. And I never even thought about that, because I can’t see how our lives could even get to that point. He’s a troubleshooter for the company, he travels all over the world.”
“Then, how did you make it work this far?”
“We…well, I traveled a lot, too. When our paths crossed, we—”
“Had wild, uncontrollably lustful sex,” Liza happily supplied.
Natalie refused to blush or feel guilty. And with Liza, she didn’t. “In fact, yes. But it got to be more than that.”
“How many times did you see him?”
“Three. I know, I know, that doesn’t sound like much, Liza, but I can’t explain to you what it was like. He’s—” She couldn’t finish, but she didn’t have to.
“I understand,” Liza said. “Quantity isn’t what it’s about. It’s quality. When it’s the right person, your heart just knows.” She laughed, but there was little humor in it. “My heart’s just a little slow on the uptake is all. I mean, what was I thinking with Conrad, anyway?”
Natalie smiled sadly. “I guess maybe that’s the answer for me, too.”
“Is Jake a jerk, too?”
“No, not at all.”
“Then, you’re the jerk.”
Natalie laughed. “Gee, tell me how you really feel.”
“So, he travels a lot and you don’t know what you want to do with life. It sounds like you know one thing you want, anyway. You want him. Was he willing to try?”
Natalie opened her mouth to argue, but there was no argument to make. “I am a jerk,” she said finally.
“Exactly. Can you call him?”
“I have his itinerary, at least for another couple of weeks, anyway.”
“When is the next date?”
“Now. He’s in Tulsa.”
“And you’re talking to me when you could be calling him. This call is so over.”
Natalie laughed, but there were tears in her eyes, as well. “I didn’t tell you all of it. I, well, I saw him a week ago and I sort of left without really saying goodbye. He might not be happy to hear from me.”
“Think back to the last time you spoke to him, looked in his eyes, listened to his voice. And then ask yourself if he’ll want to talk to you.”
Liza’s words triggered a montage of images: the two of them together, both in bed and out. It made her body achy with need…and her heart simply ache.
“I honestly don’t know, Liza.”
“Well, there’s only one way to find out.”
“Yeah. I know.”
“Call me back if you need to, okay? I’m in for the night.”
“I will. And Liza? Thanks.”
“Yeah, yeah,” she said softly. “Thank me later, after you talk to him.”
Natalie hung up, but it took her a full twenty minutes to work up the courage to pick up the phone again. She called the hotel, but no one by that name was registered. She wasn’t sure what to think. Had his itinerary changed? It was certainly possible.
She dialed Liza back, not wanting to keep her in suspense. “He’s not there,” she said, when Liza picked up.
“When is the next date on the itinerary?”
“Wednesday. St. Louis.” Natalie already felt better; Liza’s matter-of-fact tone quelled her panic.
“So, you call him there. Or you track him down at work.”
“No. I’m not going to interrupt him with something like this at work. We sort of agreed to never do that.” Although, he’d called her once. Still, this was not the sort of call to make while someone was at work. It would be better if he were alone in his hotel room. That way they could talk frankly.
“What do I say to him, Liza?”
“That you changed your mind. That you can’t live without him and want to find a way to make it work. He’ll have to pick up the ball from there. You’ll figure it out.”
“I hope so.” She hung up, but it was a long time before she went to sleep that night.
It was an even longer four days till Wednesday.
She didn’t let herself hope for too much, but when she called the hotel in St. Louis and he wasn’t registered there, either, she realized she’d hoped a great deal more than she’d thought.
She was devastated. He’d never changed his itinerary before. One change wasn’t unusual. But two? In a row? And immediately after New Orleans? No, he was making sure it was over.
Liza urged her to call him at work, so Natalie finally broke down and did it. Only to find he wasn’t there, either. When she asked where she could contact him, the secretary suggested she leave a message, instead. And what in the hell was she supposed to say? She left her name. But there had been no return call.
She’d hurt him and she’d also given him her final answer. He’d taken her at her word.
Now she’d have to live with that.
19
NATALIE WINCED as Sabrina’s brittle “kissing up” laugh filled the air. She saw her sister fawning over Ned Tarlington, CEO of TarlComm Corp., who was at least a hundred years old. He was grinning and so was Rina, so that laugh had probably just added a few zeroes to his donation check. Natalie just shuddered.
It had been three weeks since her unsuccessful attempt to contact Jake, and she was no closer to healing her broken heart or figuring out what she was going to do next. But one thing she wouldn’t be doing was hosting charity luncheons like this one. Not if it meant flirting with old guys and laughing like Barbie on speed. Honestly, you’d never know her sister had a degree. Natalie wasn’t even sure Sabrina remembered.
She sipped her tea and wished like hell she was anywhere but here. Jake’s face swam into her mind. As it was wont to do about, oh, every other minute. Another reason for her foul mood. No Jake, ever again, and she had to pretend she cared about— Hell, she wasn’t even sure which cause they were supporting this week. Whichever one got them the opening spot on the five o’clock news and first mention in the society column.
She pushed her grilled pineapple and zucchini pasta curls around on her plate, absently wondering who in their right mind had thought those two things should ever be cooked together, and managed a smile for one of her dad’s many vice-presidents and his wife as they passed by. She speared a noodle, but let her fork drop back to her plate when it made a weird squishing noise.