“I’m so sorry, Natalie.”
“I am, too.”
“I take it he’s not being a good patient?”
“Hardly. And my sisters mean well, but putting them in the same room with him… Well, let’s just say they aren’t cut out to be nurses. As for my brother… Well, this kind of thing is really uncomfortable for Chuck. He never handled Mom’s illness real well, either. His idea of helping is to keep things running as smoothly as possible at work for Dad. And to stay as far away from a sickbed as possible.”
There wasn’t any rancor in her tone, but there was resignation. “So you got elected. I’m guessing you’re the only one who can get through to him.”
“You guess right.”
“I’m also guessing he wasn’t thrilled with your decision.”
“Give the man a Kewpie doll.” Now there was a touch of bitterness in her tone, but she quickly swallowed that. “I may have chosen to do things on my own and go my own way, but my dad has worked hard to provide us with everything we could ever want. Sometimes too much, although I’m the only one who saw it that way. And yet, he was there every day by my mom’s side.” She looked up at him. “Someone has to be there beside his.”
He leaned down and kissed her. It was a long, lingering kiss filled with more emotion than he could ever re member feeling. “I know he appreciates it, Natalie, even if he resents having to accept the fact that he needs it in the first place.”
“He wants me to work for him. He always has. In fact, he has been waiting for me to get tired of slaving my way up the ladder in New York and come home where I’ll be appreciated. He doesn’t understand that I want to stand on the merits of my work, not my name. Regardless, this isn’t how he planned to get me home, that’s for sure.”
For the first time he heard the fatigue, the weariness in her tone, and pulled her more tightly against him, wishing he could infuse her with his strength. The very least he could do was provide a place for her to seek a bit of solace. He wanted to do so much more.
They stood that way for a long time, her face turned out to the river, his bent down looking at her.
“What about your family?”
It was quietly asked, but nonetheless it set his heart pounding. A tentative step, but a step. And she’d made it on her own.
He didn’t know where to begin. He felt uncomfortable telling her about his big, happy family, when hers was anything but. “Well, you already know how many brothers and sisters I have. And you’re right, we do all work for the family.” He paused, not sure where to go from there.
She glanced up at him, a dry smile on her face. “You don’t have to feel guilty because your family is happily functional, you know.” She nudged him. “Come on, I want to hear how it’s supposed to work.”
He shrugged. “I’m not sure why we all get along so well. My parents’ attitude, I guess, and we just all really enjoy what we do.”
“But?”
He looked surprised. “But what?”
She moved back a bit and looked more closely at him. “But something. I can hear it in your voice. I know you like what you do, but…?”
It was disconcerting to truly realize how well she’d come to read him. He wasn’t used to anyone questioning him about how he felt about anything. Outside his family, anyway. He liked it.
“I, well, as I started to tell you earlier, I’ve made some changes recently.”
“What changes?” She shot him a look. “Don’t tell me you’re going renegade like me and leaving the family fold.”
He shook his head, wanting to laugh with her but realizing that even more, he wanted to talk with her about what was really going on inside him. “I’m not leaving. I guess I’ve just come to a crossroads. I hired some people to help me out with what I do. I can’t maintain the workload any longer.”
“It’s tough delegating, trusting other people to do things the way you would, as thoroughly as you would.”
He’d thought the same thing, but it made him feel much better hearing her say it. “Exactly. But I’ve met with them, started their training, and actually, I think it will go okay. Better than I thought.”
“So that’s it, then? You’re feeling unnecessary?”
Now he did laugh. “No. That’s not it.”
She leaned back against the railing, no longer paying attention to their leisurely cruise. “So what is it?”
If he wasn’t so caught up in trying to figure that out, he’d have enjoyed her absolute focus on him and his problem. But he didn’t really have a problem. Or did he?
He finally shrugged. “I don’t know, Natalie. I guess I wasn’t too keen on moving into a more managerial role. I’ll still be traveling, doing the work I was doing before, only now I’ll be directly overseeing the rest of the troubleshooting team.” He paused as if that fact were just now sinking in, and maybe it was. He laughed, but with little humor. “Troubleshooting team. Who would have thought it?”
“You’re very successful, like the rest of your family. Why does it surprise you? Isn’t it a mark of how well developed your business has become that you need more people to handle things like this? I mean, business will never run smoothly, so you’ll always need this kind of support. I’d think this would be a good thing for all.”
“It is, it is.” When she put it like that, there was really no other way to look at it. So why did he feel so…unsettled? “I guess it’s still all new and under development. Probably when we get it off the ground and running, I’ll feel better about it.”
She looked at him several moments longer, her expression a shade skeptical, but she finally smiled and said, “Well, I think you’ll make a wonderful upper-management type. You’re very good at giving orders.” She wiggled her eyebrows, and he felt his entire body heat up. Just like that, he was primed and ready for her. He couldn’t be sure, but he’d be willing to bet one look was all it would ever take.
Now, how in the hell could he convince her of that?
“Well, coming from someone who wants to climb to upper management and beyond, of course you’d be prejudiced.”
Her smile froze. Only for a moment, but he was already kicking himself. He reached for her. “Go ahead and yell at me. I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”
She shook her head, but went into his arms willingly. “It’s okay. I’ll eventually go back.” She tried for a bold smile. “I’m young and still hungry. I’ll get it back.”
Now it was his turn to look at her more closely. “But?”
She gave him a look. “No buts.”
“There’s a but. I see it. Are you really afraid you won’t be able to climb back to where you were? I know you, Natalie. You’re a very determined woman. When you want something, I don’t see anything stopping you from getting it.” I just wish what you wanted was me.
“Thank you. I wish I had your confidence. It’s pretty brutal out there.”
He stroked her hair, and she shifted so she was once again leaning back against him. They were coming back to dock. Jake wished he could do something, anything, to keep them out on the river longer. Until he figured out how to make things work between them.
“What made you decide to head to New York? Has that always been your dream? Being partner in a prestigious firm?”
He’d expected an easy answer and was surprised when she was silent for a while. As open as they were being, he didn’t think he’d been insensitive this time, but when the silence stretched out, he finally said, “I didn’t mean to—”
“No, no. It’s okay. I guess it’s just that no one has ever asked me. In quite that way, anyway. I don’t even remember why I decided to become a lawyer. Isn’t that funny?”
It might have been, but she wasn’t laughing. Neither was he. “Do you enjoy it?”
She laughed now. “You know, I’ve always been so busy trying to chart my corporate climb, I never really stopped to ask myself that. I mean, it’s not supposed to be fun on the way up, right?” She shook her head, then swore and fell silent again.
Jake didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t meant to open a can of worms. Just as he was sure she hadn’t meant to, with her earlier probing.
So they both were each lost in their own thoughts, as the boat docked and people began disembarking.
There were photos displayed for purchase that had been taken during the cruise. He spied one of him and Natalie dancing. She was whirling and smiling brightly. He was looking at her, and there was no mistaking the expression on his face. She didn’t stop to look, still lost in her thoughts. He escorted her out to the lot, then said, “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”
“Jake?”
He just waved at her and jogged back up the line. He wanted that photo. He wanted that moment in time, a permanent recording of how he’d felt then. Because he had a sinking sensation that whatever had just taken place on board, in the end it hadn’t helped his case at all.
16
NATALIE’S MIND was a complete jumble. She couldn’t get her thoughts to stay in order; they kept careening from the evening she’d just spent with Jake—the dancing, being held by him as they watched the sunset, how incredibly at peace she’d felt standing there like that—to an eruption of feelings about the life she’d dedicated herself to. Was she happy? And that was all complicated further by the reality of her current situation with her father, which made even thinking about the other two things almost impossible.