That he was confident enough not to hold his breath and wait for me to respond, made me only love him more. Yes, damn it, I loved Lex Makarov. I knew that now, for sure.
Chapter 19
I spent the night following our return to Miami at my own apartment, needing a little space to clear my head after the whirlwind romance that was our trip to the Keys. The next morning, I took the bus to work early, wanting to stop in Lex's office before my shift. I still didn't say "I love you" back, and knew I wanted him to hear me say it. But for some reason, I was afraid of saying it aloud.
The nervous ball in the pit of my stomach relaxed slightly when Lex smiled at me. He was dressed impeccably as always, in a bespoke suit and a pale grey tie that matched his eyes.
I can do this, I told myself.
"Morning, Michelle," he said, an all-too-familiar smile spreading across his face.
"You almost sound like you missed me," I smiled back.
"What if I did?" He walked around his desk and perched on the edge, close to my chair. "You seem nervous about something," he said, before reaching up to cup my chin.
Leaning forward, he pressed his mouth against mine. I wanted to pull back, arguing that the door to his office was open and this wasn't appropriate. But the feel of his lips on my own was causing my head to grow foggy, and any reservations I had soon flew out the window.
Pulling back finally, Lex had a self-satisfied grin on his face. My courage left me, and I wasn't sure anymore that confessing my love this early in the morning was the right move.
"I … I missed you too," I finally managed. "But I should go, I just wanted to say hi."
"Better hurry," he teased. "Don't want to be late for your shift. Just because you're dating the big boss doesn't give you leave to be tardy."
"I hate you," I growled playfully as I rose from my chair.
"No you don't," he called after me as I made my way to the door.
"No," I agreed quietly to myself. "I really don't."
My morning went smoothly, and I almost ceased feeling anxious over the subject of hospital staff knowing about our relationship. I was just starting to calm down when I turned a corner and came face to face with Kyle's malicious grin.
"So," he said, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall. "Still not dating Lex Makarov, huh?"
"I wasn't dating him back when you first claimed I did," I replied succinctly and honestly.
"Sure," he retorted, shaking his head. "Everything must be so easy for you. You get to help out in surgery, you get handed special jobs-all you had to do was sleep with the boss."
"You know," came the sound of Julia's voice as she strode up from behind me, "Dr. Talbot seems to think that Makarov is the only reason you were hired in the first place."
"You both know that's not true," I stated through gritted teeth. "I didn't even meet Lex until a few weeks after I started my internship. And we've only been dating for a week or so."
"Lex," Julia sneered at my intimate reference to the hospital's CEO.
"Keep telling people that," Kyle replied to me. "But no one who saw you two together is going to believe it.
"Thankfully," I said. "I don't care what anyone believes."
With that, I turned and marched down the hallway. It definitely stung, being accused of garnering favors from the CEO. I had worked hard to achieve a good reputation, and now it was being torn down simply because of who I chose to date.
I gritted my teeth for the next hour and a half, counting down to my break. I had texted Lori-the first time since I'd walked out on our coffee break the week before-and she agreed to meet me for lunch.
"Look who finally decided to get her head out of her ass," Lori said, sitting next to me in the cafeteria. Lori was smiling, and I knew she was only ribbing me good-naturedly, but I was already in a funk and didn't take it well.
"It's good to see you too," I said, a little more sharply than I meant to.
"I'm not the one who's been MIA for the last week and a half."
"Sorry," I replied. "I was having a rough time and then … "
"Then … ?"
"Let's just say I got distracted," I said.
"What do you mean?" Lori asked, her eyes lighting up. "Is the gossip true? Are you and Lex Makarov really dating?" My look must have confirmed her suspicion, for she continued. "I knew it. I told you, didn't I? I knew you had a thing for Makarov. Besides, I didn't even need to hear it from you. Look at this," she thrust her phone at me, the browser window set on a Miami gossip page, the tagline "The Russian Oligarch is dating a plus size model" splattered across the top in huge letters, with the photo of us leaving his jet when we landed back in Miami.
I knew Lori didn't mean any harm with what she was saying-it was all meant to be taken in good fun. But, after my run-in with the other interns, I was in no mood for teasing, good-natured or not.
"Seriously?" I snapped. "You're going to do this too? At least you could've found a page that didn't describe me as a plus-size model!"
"I didn't mean it like that," Lori answered defensively. "And I don't know why you have such an attitude right now. You're the one who's dating the handsome super wealthy boss. Things must really suck for you."
"I'm suddenly not hungry anymore," I said, standing up and walking from the room. This marked the second time I'd walked out on Lori in the last week and a half, but I couldn't bring myself to stay and make things better between us. Not today.
I spent the rest of my break in the employee restroom, fighting back tears. Lori was the only friend I'd made since moving to Florida, and I didn't want to lose her. But I also couldn't believe she'd made that comment about me dating my super wealthy boss. As if money or career opportunities were the reason I was dating Lex. Why would people think that? I knew the answer, of course, but I still felt enraged that people would lump me together with all the previous girls Lex had dated.
I had been worried about people finding out about our relationship, and now those worries were validated. While Lex was upstairs, working away without a care in the world, I was the one down here making all the sacrifices for our relationship-listening as people questioned both my ethics and my credibility.
You knew that was always the way it would turn out, I reminded myself angrily. I was the one expected to sacrifice my job, or my goals, or myself, while whomever I was dating wouldn't have to sacrifice anything at all.
"That isn't going to happen," I said aloud, moving towards the elevator. "Not this time!"
Without really considering where I was heading, I found myself on the twelfth floor. Lex's secretary clearly knew about us already, because I was allowed into his office without a second guess. She probably eavesdropped on our conversations, I figured.
"Michelle," Lex said, looking up from his paperwork in surprise. "What are you doing here?"
"I can't do it," I replied.
The smile slid from Lex's face, quickly replaced by confusion.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"The entire hospital is gossiping about me," I snapped. "Everyone thinks I slept my way into this internship."
"Michelle, that's ridiculous. No one thinks that," Lex said dismissively. "You're overreacting."
"I am not. People have seriously said that-to my face. And today wasn't the first time. Plus, the gossip pages have somehow snapped a photo of us getting off your plane, and now I'm labeled a plus-size model." Lex's face morphed into an angry glare at that information. "And this … " I motioned between the two of us. "This isn't worth sacrificing my career over. I'm done sacrificing for other people. Done!"
"Michelle," Lex replied, "you're being ridiculous; this isn't my fault."
"Maybe not," I answered. "But I don't know what else to do. I'm sorry."
Without letting Lex answer, I turned on my heels and walked out of his office. He called after me, but I didn't turn around. Instead, I walked towards the elevators with my eyes in front of me, tears running down my face.
Chapter 20
The rest of my day passed in a blur. I could barely focus on what was in front of me, which was not a great state to be in for an Emergency Room intern. Luckily, I got through the rest of my shift without an incident, later followed by a sleepless night tossing and turning alone in my bed. Did I really just do this? After admitting to myself that I was in love with Lex, did I really just break up with him?
I was changing into my scrubs in the locker room the following morning when I was cornered by Dr. Grimes.
"So," she said with a huge smile. "You and Lex. I'm not surprised."
"Not anymore," I told her, refusing to meet her eyes. "It's over."
"What?" she asked. "Already?"
"Yeah," I replied.
Dr. Grimes led me over to the table, then sat down next to me.
"Tell me what happened," she said, gently placing a hand on my shoulder.
"Nothing happened," I replied. "Not really. I just didn't want to have to deal with the gossip. Lex is great, but not worth risking my career for."