Her Russian Billionaire(15)

Lex just nodded, motioning to the server for our check.

"Can you just drop me off at my apartment?" I asked as we got into his car. I'd already agreed to go back to his house with him, but I was no longer in the mood for company. I needed to be alone. I needed to think.

"Sure," Lex replied, studying me for a moment before starting the car and heading into town.

I kissed him goodbye, though the embrace was less passionate than any others up to that point. I then wondered up to my apartment alone.

For a few long moments, I stared at the half-full bottle of wine on my counter. I hadn't had a drink since the night of our indiscretion. Even though I hadn't been planning to keep a child if there was one, drinking when there was possibility of a pregnancy just felt wrong.

Instead, I went to the freezer and pulled out an unopened pint of Ben & Jerry's. I had barely touched my dinner at the restaurant and now I realized that I was actually quite hungry.

Wrapping myself in my grandmother's quilt-as was my habit of late-I savored each bite of ice cream as I thought about Lex's point.

I could see why he might want a child. I knew his mother had died on the operating table and his father had passed away a few years ago. He had one sister, which he barely saw, so the idea of building a family was understandable.

Still, Lex knew nothing about raising a child. I may seem like a great idea to him, but I would be the one required to sacrifice in order to make that happen. I would have to carry the baby for nine months. Working twelve-hour shifts in the ER when I was eight months pregnant seemed like an impossibility. But even if I did work up to the birth, I would have to stay home with the baby at least until it was old enough for daycare. Starting a family just wasn't an option for me right now and I just didn't understand why Lex couldn't see that.   





 

And yet, much like the traitorous part of my brain that refused to stop lusting after Lex before we were together, there was a part of me that could imagine having a little baby with beautiful pale eyes. I could see Lex with the infant tucked ever so gently against his muscular shoulder as it slept peacefully in his arms.

"No," I said out loud. "That can't happen. At least not any time soon."

Still, I feel asleep to the thought of a tiny little bundle of joy with my beautiful caramel skin and his bright grey eyes.





Chapter 17





Despite this being my third time in the doctor's office in barely a month, the visits had not gotten any easier with each trip. At least this time they didn't require me to have any blood drawn. I simply peed in a cup, then tried to read an article on my phone while I waited for the results of my test. However, I soon found that I couldn't focus on anything. My mind kept wondering back to Lex and our relationship.

I had dated my ex-boyfriend Scott for almost four years. We'd met during my senior year at undergrad, and had fallen madly in love almost overnight. I'd chosen to attend medical school in Chicago because it had been the one closest to where he'd found a job, even though I'd been accepted to better schools on the East Coast. I had sacrificed so much for that relationship, believing that Scott was the one. Then, when the relationship was no longer convenient for him, Scott had dumped me. He didn't like that I was putting my studies before him. He didn't like that I'd allowed myself to gain some weight during med school. He just didn't like me, I was beginning to realize. He wanted me to sacrifice everything I strove so hard to achieve, and I'd almost let him. I had a sneaking suspicion Scott was intimidated by how smart I was. He wasn't dumb himself, but the thought definitely weighted heavily on his mind. But now, with Lex, I could tell he actually admired me-my intelligence, my ambition, my fearlessness. Scott was a complete opposite of that. Plus, Lex loved my figure, just the way I was.

I had been devastated at the time Scott broke up with me. All of my plans for the future had revolved around him. Once I had pulled myself up after the breakup and rededicated my life to becoming a doctor, I had promised myself that I would never sacrifice any part of me for another person ever again. And I was going to keep that promise now, even if the person asking for that sacrifice was really great. And Lex was really great-but he wasn't worth losing any part of my career over. No man was.

Which was why I couldn't afford to have a baby. Not now and maybe not ever. I continued to remind myself of this, even as images of Lex playing tea party with a beautiful little girl or fishing with a cute little boy, both with his grey eyes and my kinky dark brown hair, kept resurfacing in my mind. They caused a little pang in my heart, even as I pushed them away.

I was interrupted from these treacherous thoughts when the doctor reentered my room, a smile on her face.

"So," she began, "Your test is negative. But," she raised her finger when she saw me begin to smile, "I need to repeat the test one week from today, to make sure. This early, the test could be negative, and there is still a very small chance you might be pregnant."

I knew she was right, and there was still a possibility, but it was a tiny one, and it was as if a weight had been lifted off my chest. I felt like I could breathe for the first time in over a month as I heaved a tentative sigh of relief. At the same time though, I wasn't completely surprised by the tiny ping of disappointment that accompanied the relief-the regret I felt at not being able to see Lex with a little son or daughter. I shook my head, willing away all that foolishness.

"Oh, wow, I don't even know what to think right now," I replied, feeling tears welling up in my eyes. I honestly didn't know if they were from gratitude or disappointment. "And," I continued after a moment. "I'm still late. My period is never late."

"Well, like I said, you could potentially be pregnant, even though the early pregnancy test is negative. Also, have you been under a lot of stress lately?" the doctor asked.

I couldn't help but laugh at her question as I thought over the last few months.

"You could say that," I answered finally.

"Well," she replied with a smile, "that could delay your period too. Once we know for sure that you're not pregnant, we could put you on birth control, it'll help sort you out."

"Sure," I replied, knowing I needed to make sure a mistake like that never happened again. "I would really like that."   





 

After finishing up with my doctor, I made my way up to Lex's office to tell him the news-however un-finalized-and apologize for the way I had acted the night before. The stress of a possible pregnancy was still on my shoulders, but the first negative pregnancy test was certainly reassuring. I could afford to be a bit more understanding.

"So?" Lex asked as I slipped in and sat down across from him at his massive desk.

"My first test was negative, but the doctor wants to do another one in a week," I announced with a smile.

Something like disappointment washed across his face for a split second before morphing into a grin of his own.

Surely he doesn't want a child, I thought to myself, even if he claims he is willing to raise one.

"That's great!" he replied after a second. "When can we celebrate?"

"Soon," I answered. "But first …  I wanted to apologize for the way I acted last night. I was exhausted and stressed out and I reacted poorly. I'm sorry."

"I understand," Lex said. "Things got a little heated, we both reacted badly. So I'm sorry as well-for my part in it."

"All is forgiven," I said with a smile. "Now …  about that celebrating."

"I was thinking," Lex began, a crooked grin on his face, "you have three days off in a row this week, right?"

"Yeah," I replied. "Almost unheard of for an intern."

"I was thinking that we could take a little trip."

"A trip?"

"Yeah," he responded. "I haven't taken any time off lately myself."

"I don't doubt that," I replied, knowing how much of a workaholic he was.

"Well, I was thinking now would be the perfect time. Maybe we could spend a few days down in the Keys."

"That's a pretty long drive," I said. "Isn't it like three or four hours from here?"

"Oh," Lex replied with a smile, "we wouldn't be driving. I have a jet."

I was silent for a moment, taking that information in. I guess I really wasn't all that surprised.

"Of course you do," I replied after a moment.

"Is that a ‘yes'?" he asked, grinning from ear to ear.

"Yes! But you know, we still won't know for sure if I'm pregnant or not."

"Oh, I know. But we deserve a little break, it's been too stressful lately, don't you think? I would kiss you right now," he stated, heat burning behind his eyes, "if I didn't have the doors to my office open, allowing everyone to see in."

"You'll just have to remember to do it later," I said, a small grin on my face.

"Oh, I will," he said. "But that does remind me …  "

Lex paused, biting his lip as if he was nervous. Except Lex Makarov didn't get nervous-ever.

"What?" I asked, beginning to grow concerned as well.

"You probably know rumors spread throughout the hospital like wildfire. And Miami gossip pages will go berserk when we become an official item. I just want you to be prepared, that's all."