"Sorry," he said after a minute, in a hushed tone.
His eyes locked on mine, and there was a vulnerability there that I'd never seen before. I opened my mouth to speak again but he shook his head.
"Just let me get this out," he said. "I know I've acted out of line. I've let my attraction to you influence the way I interact with you on a professional level. I just … I really liked you-professionally and … personally. Because of that, I crossed a line that I shouldn't have, professionally speaking. I'm so used to women who are willing to do anything to jump into my bed. And you're not like that, not at all. You're not afraid of my position in the hospital. You don't care about my money … " His voice trailed off.
"Why would I be? I'm a doctor, and once I graduate, I'll be more than comfortable. Not as wealthy as you, to be sure, but I'm not interested in money. Never have been."
"I know, I know. And I admire that. Listen, I'm sorry you felt like this was punishment. I'll get someone else to help from now on. You should go."
I really didn't know what to say. I stood there awkwardly for a moment, just staring at him. Eventually, I nodded and left his office without a backwards glance.
Chapter 13
I continued to replay my conversation with Lex over and over in my head in the few days that followed. In fact, I began to reevaluate every interaction the two of us had ever had. I'd been angry ever since the M&M conference. Every conversation after that had felt like a showdown from my perspective. Had he seen them as something different? In light of our last conversation, I realized that he must have.
No matter what he said or did, I still clung to the idea that the guy was an entitled prick. He may have had feelings for me, I reasoned, but that didn't make him a good person. Hell, he could've even lied about those feelings in order to manipulate me and make me feel bad. I honestly didn't know what to think.
"You okay, Michelle?" I looked up at the sound of Dr. Grimes's voice. She was watching me from across the break room.
"Yeah," I replied self-consciously.
"You've just seemed rather distracted lately."
"I'm sorry," I replied hurriedly. "I won't let it affect my work!"
"I'm not worried about your work," she replied with a smile as she sat next to me. "Your work is still superb. I'm worried about you."
"I'm fine," I lied, trying to manage a smile. "I'm good."
"Want to talk about it?" Dr. Barn's asked, obviously unconvinced.
"It's nothing," I replied. But then, before I could help myself, I continued. "How well do you know Lex Makarov?"
"We're pretty good friends," she replied, offering me a knowing smile. "I've known him for almost a decade. We got to be friends after he came to own the hospital. I used to help him out with the patient care cases like you are now."
My eyes shot up in surprise.
"Really?" I asked. "For some reason, this whole time I thought that it was him trying to punish me or something. It sounds silly now, but he overheard me badmouthing him the night after the M&M conference-he'd interrogated me pretty heavily in front of the entire room. The next day he started giving me cases. I just thought … I don't know what I thought."
"Michelle," Dr. Grimes replied smiled, "if this was some weird form of punishment, do you really think I would have approved it?"
"No," I had to agree.
"He called me the day after the M&M conference, asking about you. I could tell you'd made an impression. He asked if I thought you could handle a little extra work. I told him I thought you would jump at the chance for a little extra experience. You'd seemed so willing before then."
"Yeah," I agreed. "He just didn't make the best first impression on me. Or second impression, for that matter."
Dr. Grimes laughed.
"I understand," she replied. "He can be that way sometimes. It's his Russian directness. But he is truly very supportive of you, I could sense that right away." She gave me a reassuring smile. "Yet, despite all of his good work, half the staff here resents him-anyone who knows how he came to own the hospital."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"His mother actually died during an operation here, almost a decade ago. It was a huge scandal-the doctor on duty had been drinking, it turned out. Lex was really young then, fresh out of business school. He was due to inherit all of his father's venues, back in Russia and here, but he decided to create a pet project of his own. He started buying major stock shares of several hospitals along the Florida coast, and eventually, he extended his claws, so to speak, to Miami General as well. He became involved in day-to-day details of running the hospitals, and that's how we met-he showed his face in every department and met all the doctors. He told me that hospital fatalities were a special interest to him, particularly operating room fatalities-because of what happened to his mom. He was especially interested in ways such things could be prevented, so he did a lot of investigations. A lot of people resented him."
"So that's why he was so obsessed with the case I had presented?" I asked, suddenly feeling sick for the way I had treated him.
"Yeah, he has a lot of responsibilities but he is always sure to make time to look over every fatality case in the hospital," Dr. Grimes answered. " He isn't a doctor himself, so he often asks for help."
"I feel like such an ass," I responded, burying my head in my hands.
"Michelle," Dr. Grimes said, "I know you've told me before that nothing is going on between the two of you, and I believed you. I'm really not one to rely on gossip. But it seems to me that maybe there is something between Lex and you."
"Yeah," I agreed. "I guess. I honestly don't know anymore."
"Well, I can tell you this," Dr. Grimes replied, standing. "With the exception of one case, I've never heard Lex talk about someone the way he's talked about you. That exception I mention is my sister-Lex and Valerie dated for a few months back when he had just moved here. She went to grad school up in Boston later, and he had to stay here, so they had broken things off. But they're still good friends. I know him on a personal level, and I would've never approved anything that I thought could potentially hurt you, Michelle. I think you need to decide whether or not there is anything there on your end, because I'm pretty sure there is on his."
With that, Dr. Grimes turned and left me alone in the break room. I felt horrible, the details of the conversation I'd had early in Lex's office coming back to haunt me. I needed to apologize, if nothing else. Even if I really didn't have feelings for him-which I was now doubting-I owed him that much.
Unfortunately, Lex wasn't in his office when I finally made it up to the twelfth floor after my shift.
"Sorry, honey," his secretary said. "He wasn't feeling well so he left early."
"But he never leaves early," I replied.
"He really wasn't feeling well. Can I take a message?"
"No," I replied before turning and walking dejectedly back towards the elevators. I had to make this right.
Chapter 14
As the cab wound its way down the dark drive, my eyes grew wide. I had badgered Dr. Grimes until she'd given me Lex's home address, but this was no ordinary home. This was a mansion-on a private island off Miami Beach.
"Thanks," I replied as I paid my fare. I thought about asking the cabbie to stay, but I wasn't sure how long I would be, and I figured I could always call for another one after I'd had this dreaded conversation.
I sucked in a shaky breath as I stepped up to the enormous door. As soon as I rung the bell, I began second guessing my decision and debating chasing after the taxi.
Before I could flee, however, the door was pushed open and I was standing face to face with Lex himself. He was more dressed down than I had ever seen him, in a pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt. I couldn't help but notice how deliciously the t-shirt clung to the shapely muscles of his arms and chest, usually covered by his suit. His hair was messy and his eyes looked tired.
"Michelle," he said in surprise. "What are you doing here?"
"Um … I got your address from Dr. Grimes," I answered.
"Of course, you did." He didn't sound angry, though, so I took it as a good sign. Moving away from the door, he motioned for me to enter. "Here, come in."
I followed him through the foyer into a massive living room. I couldn't imagine what it must be like to live in a place this large.
"This is amazing," I said as I gazed at the high ceilings. "Do you live here alone?"
"Yeah, mostly," he answered quietly. "My little sister lives here too, when she's not in school. But mostly it's just me."
"I didn't know you had a sister," I replied, gazing back at him. I couldn't help but smile at how adorably rumpled he looked.
"There's a lot about me you don't know," he grumbled, which made my heart sink.
"Yeah, I know," I said in a quiet voice. "Listen, I'm so sorry. About everything I said to you earlier. It was really uncalled for."
"No it wasn't," he said, shaking his head. "Listen, I meant what I said. I blurred the line between my personal feelings and my professional conduct. I'm sorry. I haven't … I haven't had feelings for someone in a long time. And my feelings for you caused me to act unprofessionally, and I'm sorry." He fell silent for a few moments. My heart was pounding in my chest so intensely that I was sure he could hear it. "I haven't met someone like you in a long time," he continued. "You have this spirit … I don't know how to explain it … You seem anxious sometimes, and yet I can tell you have loads of confidence in you abilities too. And you challenge me. You talk back if you feel I'm out of line. I'm not used to that. Usually, people around me fall over themselves to give me what I want. Not you-you won't take crap from anyone, not just me. I admire that. And I promise I won't allow anything unprofessional to happen again. I won't give you any more unwanted attention."