I was tired and starving, but I couldn't help the nagging feeling telling me something wasn't right. We were at a fancy restaurant, where we already had a reservation. This "working dinner" was starting to feel an awful lot like a date.
"What's going on?" I asked suspiciously, though I couldn't help but attack the bread as soon as it was on the table.
"What do you mean?" he inquired innocently.
"This," I motioned around the room. "This isn't the type of place for a working dinner, it's the type of place for a date," I snapped.
"Oh." Lex was quiet for a moment, actually looking a little nervous. "We can leave if you want. I just like this place-that's all. We're both hungry and we have stuff to talk about, so it makes more sense if we stay. And it's a work dinner, so it's on me."
I eyed him warily but I couldn't deny that I was starving, so I finally relented. After that, the dinner went smoothly. The food was delicious, and Lex was as suspiciously nice as he had been the previous evening. We discussed the case and came to some similar conclusions about what had happened and why.
Halfway through the dinner, the conversation once again drifted into ‘date' territory as Lex asked about my move from Chicago and how I was finding Miami. I was too tired to fight the direction in which the night seemed determined to go, so I just allowed myself to enjoy the conversation, and Lex continued to be in good mood as we finished our meal.
"Am I taking you back to the hospital to get your car?" he asked as we got back into the Aston Martin.
"I don't have a car," I admitted, a bit embarrassed. "I take the bus usually."
"Then let me drop you at home," he replied.
"That's not necessary," I told him, but he insisted.
As he pulled up in front of my apartment complex, the evening began to feel even more like a date. I couldn't shake the memory of his warm, rough lips against my own and the feel of his tongue exploring my mouth. The impulse to lean over and kiss him washed through me, but I unbuckled my seatbelt as fast as I possibly could and got out of the car instead.
"Goodnight, Michelle," he called after me, and I yelled my goodbye without turning to look at him as I practically ran into the building. Once again, images of our passionate night together ran through my mind and I couldn't block them out, no matter how hard I tried.
"Dammit!" I exclaimed out loud as I leaned against the door. "There is no way this isn't going to turn out badly."
Chapter 12
As much as I was not looking forward to it, I soon realized that I needed to confess everything involving my indiscretion with Lex to Lori. I truly needed some advice and I didn't know who else I could go to.
"What's going on?" she asked suspiciously when I bit my nails nervously over coffee.
"I haven't been exactly honest with you," I admitted.
Her eyes grew sharp, and she leaned across the table towards me.
"How so?" she asked.
"So … a few weeks ago now-the last time we went out to drinks after work and I was complaining about Makarov-I got it into my head that I needed to confront him about it. Having those drinks sloshing around in my head didn't help. So I went back to his office after we left the bar. And … " I cringed, but willed myself to continue, "we ended up having sex in his office-on top of his desk, in fact."
"I knew it," Lori exclaimed excitedly.
"No you didn't," I replied dryly. How could she know?
"I knew something was going on. I mean, I only saw you guys together that first evening at the bar, but the sexual tension was so thick I could barely breathe."
"Liar," I replied, but Lori just gave me a knowing look. "Exaggerator," I amended, causing Lori to laugh.
"So how was it?" she asked.
"It was a mistake," I replied.
"You know what I meant."
"It was … " I bit my lip and considered lying but I needed to be honest if she was going to help me. "It was amazing. It was probably the best sex of my life. And I can't stop thinking about it."
Lori squealed in delight.
"Not helping," I snapped reluctantly.
"Sorry," Lori replied. "Single working mother here. I haven't had a date in years. I need to live vicariously."
"I don't know what to do," I whined.
"What, exactly is the problem?"
"I know it was a mistake-Makarov is not the type of man I want to date. Plus, he's totally out of my league. But I can't stop thinking about him. We have to work together sometimes, and every time we're in the same room, memories of that night resurface, and it's all I can do not to jump him."
"Then do it," she encouraged.
"No," I said sternly. "That's the worst advice ever."
"Why?"
"Because the guy is an asshole. We may be … extremely sexually compatible … but it doesn't mean that he isn't a cocky manipulator. I mean, he's still punishing me with extra cases to analyze on top of my shifts in the ER."
"Are you sure that's punishment?" Lori asked.
"Yes!" I assured her, even though I doubted that statement myself.
"I think you like him," she said after a moment, smiling.
"What? No!" I argued feebly.
"I don't know. First off, I don't think there would be this obvious level of chemistry if emotions weren't involved. Love and hate are similar, you know, they feed off of one another. If you felt nothing for him at all, there wouldn't be this anger-this passion. There would just be nothing there."
"I can't believe you," I snapped, feeling betrayed. "You're just as bad as everyone else. I know my own mind, Lori-and I know that I don't like him romantically. He's a manipulative asshole, just like my ex-boyfriend, and I'm not going to let another man take advantage of me. Its just lust, nothing more, and I need to get over it. I also need to get back to work," I said, standing. "My break is about over."
I turned and walked away, not waiting for a reply. Regret washed over me as soon as I turned the corner, but I was late to my shift, so I just continued walking.
"Hey Michelle, Lex called down looking for you," Dr. Grimes announced as I walked past the opened door of her office. I cringed, seeing Julia's snide grin as she overheard Dr. Grimes's announcement.
"I don't have time right now," I replied, stopping in front on her door. "My break is over."
"It's slow right now, you can go on up there."
I really didn't want to see Lex-not in this mood and not with Julia ready to spread more rumors about me. But I also knew better than to question my program director, so I simply nodded and turned back towards the elevator.
By the time I made it to up to the twelfth floor, I was even more frustrated. Between Lori's assertion that I had actual feelings for Lex and Julia's knowing smile when she heard that he was looking for me, I wanted absolutely nothing to do with him at the moment.
Unfortunately, I was heading directly into his office.
"Michelle," he said as I entered. "Listen, I need a favor."
"What," I said flatly.
He obviously heard the anger in my voice, as his smile slipped and he studied me closely. "You know the case we've been discussing?"
I nodded. Obviously, I wasn't about to forget our "working" date the other night.
"I need you to present that case at this month's M&M conference."
"You've got to be kidding," I snapped. "I wasn't even there. Isn't the case generally presented by someone who was present when the situation occurred?"
"No, not always. And, at this point, you are more familiar with the case than anyone else, other than me. It makes the most sense for you to present it to the conference."
"Why? So you can interrogate me again and humiliate me in front of everyone?"
Makarov paused, looking at me questioningly for a long moment before he spoke.
"I did no such thing."
"Yes you did," I argued through clenched teeth. "And when I complained about it later to a friend at the bar, you happened to overhear me and you've been punishing me ever since."
"Punishing you?" Lex seemed genuinely confused at my assertion, but I wasn't about to let him play dumb.
"Yes. You've been punishing me with these stupid case files-giving me extra work on top of my rotations in the Emergency Room, even though there is an entire department at this hospital whose job it is to handle these cases."
"I had no idea you felt that way," he said. I could see the anger building in his eyes as he considered my words. "Well, I'm sorry," he continued, sounding anything but sorry. His voice rose as he continued. "I've been doing this for years and I've never asked an intern to be my advisor before. I actually thought asking you to help out would be seen as a compliment to your abilities. I wanted to foster your goals of being the excellent doctor you so strive to be. Sorry I was so impressed by the way that you handled yourself at the last M&M conference, that I asked for you to continue. It won't happen again."
Lex stopped and ran a hand over his eyes. When he looked back up, he seemed much calmer than before. I moved to speak but he put his other hand up to silence me instead.