Her Not-So-Secret Diary(7)

'I'm just temping at Jared's office for the day … ' Why had she said the D  word, for heaven's sake? Rico had no doubt meant a business dinner. But  it had just burst out … and, oh, she wished the floor would open up and  swallow her.

'Don't listen to him, Sophie,' Jared said, his voice tinged with  amusement, and to Rico, 'Did you go over those figures with Enzo yet?'

And just what had Jared meant by that look he'd given Rico? To her  relief, he seemed to have forgotten she was there already. To keep from  feeling like a spare part and to give them some privacy since they were  discussing business, she crossed to one of the little round tables by  the window, sat down and flicked through a well-thumbed women's  magazine.

Anything to keep from looking at him. Or admiring the cut to the  trousers that showcased long legs and firm butt and imagining …  No.  Frowning, she forced herself to refocus on the latest celebrity  break-up.

Her eyes remained on the page but her mind worked as the guys talked.  The familiarity and bond between the two was obvious. Jared hadn't taken  an hour out of his day to 'forget about the office' and entertain her.  He'd used the opportunity to catch up with Rico and make it seem as if  he were doing Sophie a favour at the same time. Very clever.

'Bring your coffee,' he said, dragging her out of her contemplation, 'and let's go see the beach.'



They took their white paper-wrapped package to the esplanade and sat on a  bench overlooking the sand. The sea's boom-dump vibrated through the  soles of her feet. The gulls swooped in noisily from nowhere the moment  Sophie unwrapped the shared snack. She took a chip, broke it open,  popped a piece in her mouth. Then she threw the other half to the birds  to watch them squawk and squabble while she sipped at her much  anticipated frothy cappuccino.

'You're right, they're yummy,' she said, reaching for another while  carefully avoiding Jared's fingers. She hadn't eaten chips this good  since she couldn't remember when.

'Haven't done this in a while,' Jared said, popping the top on his can of soda.

'Probably just as well. Salt, fat, calories. Too much of a good thing … '                       
       
           



       

Sophie watched, mesmerised as he downed his cola in deep slow swallows  that made his Adam's apple bob amazingly. He lifted his lips from the  can a moment and smiled, eyes twinkling. 'You can never have too much of  a good thing, Sophie.'

Oh, the way he said that, all luscious and low as if he was talking  about sex. And drawing her attention to his lips, wet with the cola … and  they'd be cool and sweet …

Not going there.

She plucked another fat, fragrant chip, slid it between her lips and,  closing her eyes, savoured every drop of excess. If she couldn't have  sex, at least she could eat. 'So … ' Licking the salt from her fingers,  she opened her eyes once more to find him still watching her. More  precisely, watching her mouth. 'That's your opinion and you're sticking  to it.'

'A good thing is only a good thing for as long as you enjoy it.'

Glen had lived by that code too, Sophie remembered. She drained her  coffee to mask the sudden bitterness in her mouth. 'Then what? You  discard it for another passing fancy?'

'If it's not bringing you pleasure, then yeah.'

Her fingers tightened around the polystyrene cup. 'Sounds totally self-absorbed to me.'

He laughed. 'Probably. And why not? So long as it's not hurting anyone else … '

'Exactly.' She relented. Okay, maybe he didn't include relationships in  that particular philosophy. It seemed he genuinely cared about people.  Rico. His sisters. Even Pam. He was one of the good guys after all. And  mega rich, mega gorgeous, mega motivated.

She noticed his gaze had turned speculative and probing. Something  glimmered in the green depths and her heart skipped a beat. Did he read  minds as well? Looking away, she took aim and tossed her empty cup  neatly into the trash can.

'What about your favourites list? What can't you have too much of, Sophie?'

You. Naked. Inside me.

Her skin warmed, prickled, and she swore every internal organ turned to  mush. She felt like an over-ripe peach, ready to be plucked, split apart  and plundered. Gloriously and within an inch of her life.

Liquid heat gathered between her thighs and she bit the inside of her  lip. Had she just accused him of being self-absorbed? Behind her  sunglasses she met his unshielded gaze and reminded herself of what she  really wanted these days. 'Wealth,' she said, reaching for the bottled  water in her bag. She sucked it down with a vengeance. 'And  independence.'

He looked surprised, as if he'd expected her to say something indulgent  or female, like chocolate or shoes. A crease dug a groove between his  brows. 'Sounds a little sad and lonely.'

'Why?' Annoyed with his response, she tipped her bottle in his  direction. 'You don't strike me as lonely. Or sad. You've obviously  worked towards those same goals all your life, and by all accounts  you've succeeded better than most.' Which made him a hypocrite or sexist  or both. 'So don't tell me you're not happy with your success.'

'That goes without saying and I assume you're talking financial success.  But mostly I'm happy because I don't allow myself to think any other  way. Doesn't mean I don't have my disappointments.'

Not knowing how to respond, she nodded as she reached for another chip.  With his wealth and charisma, she'd not thought of Jared as a man to  experience setbacks. Which was totally naïve of her. Everyone had  setbacks. It was how one dealt with them.

He gave the impression that he was powerful enough to accomplish  whatever he wanted, but she knew nothing of his background or what  obstacles he'd overcome to get to where he was.

Before she could form a question around that, he said, 'I take it family  and kids figure somewhere in all that wealth and independence.'

A few years ago Sophie's answer would have been an unequivocal yes.  Despite the emotional trauma she'd experienced growing up in a family  where booze and violence were the norm, she'd always believed it could  be different for her. All those years of growing up with her collection  of dolls and romantic ever afters, but now …

Reality check.

For the second time in less than an hour a reminder that her female body  had let her down in the baby-making department. Which was hardly  relevant since she had no intention of getting serious with a man, ever  again. Still, it was failure and she chugged on her water bottle to take  a moment to compose herself.

She pushed herself up from the bench, grateful for her sunglasses  shield. 'Not me.' She laughed, turning seaward and throwing her hands  wide. 'Why tie yourself down with kids when you can travel the world? Do  what you choose when you choose. Live life the way you want.' She  turned to him and nodded. 'Yes, I'm completely and unashamedly selfish. I  admit it.'                       
       
           



       

Shading his forehead with a hand, Jared studied her through eyes  squinted against the beach's glare. Hard to tell if she was being  completely truthful because he couldn't read her eyes behind her  sunglasses. Thanks to her, he'd left his own damn sunglasses in the car.  She'd thrown him off course last night with her dream, and twelve hours  later nothing had changed.

'Good for you,' he said, crushing the empty chip wrapper and standing  too. 'I like an honest woman who's not afraid to say what she means.'

Why not take her at her word? he decided. He had no reason not to. So  she admitted she was selfish-didn't matter to him in the great scheme of  things. Besides, he had a feeling she wasn't as self-absorbed as she  let on. He picked up his empty cola can and headed for the bin. 'It's  time to make a move.'



At least she was upfront about what she wanted, he mused as they drove  back to Surfers. Rico was right-Sophie was a beautiful woman. And red  hot to boot. He'd not had a woman in too long, which was why his skin  felt as if it were on fire and he couldn't for the life of him, get her  out of his head. Beautiful. Single. Living in the moment.

Bianca had been the same, he remembered, with her wild sensual beauty  and Bohemian lifestyle. God only knew why-when he thought about it with  the wisdom of five years more maturity-but he'd fancied himself in love  and had asked her to marry him.

But Bianca had refused to accept twelve-year-old Melissa as part of the  deal. Something Jared didn't compromise on was Melissa's well-being, so  it had been bye-bye Bianca.

After he'd picked up the pieces of his heart and fitted them back  together, he'd realised he and Bianca would never have made it work in  the long term.

But circumstances were different now. Melissa was more or less  independent even if she did still live at home. So … if he and Sophie got  together …  From the outset he knew Sophie wasn't going to be long term.  She was going overseas, so there was no possibility of anything serious  developing between them.