Her Naughty Holiday(25)
“You’re very stressed out about Thursday, aren’t you?” Erick asked.
“I’m considering throwing myself in this lake in the hopes I’ll get bitten by a piranha and will have to spend a few days in the hospital.”
“You know there are no piranhas in Lost Lake, right?”
“What about sharks?”
“It’s going to be fine,” Erick said as he turned the boat to steer it away from a submerged tree. “It’ll be over before you know it. They’ll show up, you’ll introduce me to everyone, we’ll stick close to each other, we’ll eat, we’ll have a couple glasses of wine, we’ll have dessert and then we’ll do that thing where we serve coffee so people know it’s time for them to leave. Then poof—” He blew on his fingers. “They’ll be gone.”
“That’s why people serve coffee at parties? To get their guests to leave?”
Erick nodded. “Best trick in the book. It’s a subtle way of saying, ‘Wake up and go away, please.’”
“Coffee. Good idea.”
“What is it you’re so worried about? What do you think’s going to happen?”
Clover shrugged and shook her head.
“I think they’re going to be mean to you.”
Erick burst into laughter, and the sound bounced off the water and echoed into the trees.
“Mean to me? You’re worried they’re going to be mean to me? Like ‘punch me in the face and call me Shorty’ mean? ‘Shove me into lockers and steal my lunch money’ mean? I’m a grown man, Clover. What could they do to me? Give me a wedgie? I’ve survived worse.”
“Well, no. They’re not going to be mean like that. They’re just kind of snobby sometimes.”
“Ah. And I do manual labor for a living. But so do you.”
“Yeah, and they’re rude to me about it.”
“What do they say to you?”
“Mom says I’ll wreck my back by doing so much gardening and it’ll make it hard for me to pick up my children.”
“You don’t have children.”
“Not yet, but she’s planning on it already. She says I should get an MBA like Hunter did since I’m business-minded. I could teach instead of ruining my body with all this physical labor I’m doing.”
“I’ve seen your body. If that’s what ruined looks like, sign me up for ruination.”
“Meanwhile Kelly says my life is so much easier than hers because she has to keep her kids alive whereas nobody cares if plants die. And Dad has said repeatedly I should have been a botanist.”
“Is that bad? Suggesting you should have been a botanist?”
“It’s bad when ‘You should be a botanist’ is followed by ‘instead of working retail.’”
“Working retail? Shit, that’s what they think you do?”
“I ring up customers sometimes when they buy my plants at the nursery. Ergo, I’m working retail. That I own the business doesn’t seem to compute with Dad.”
“Wow. Your family is a bunch of snobs, aren’t they?”
“The worst part is that they don’t even know they’re doing it. So you can’t call them out on it because it just won’t register. I once told my sister, ‘Please don’t act like my work is unimportant just because you don’t care about plants.’ And she said, ‘Oh, Clover, don’t be ridiculous. I think your work sounds so fun.’”
“Fun. But not important.”
“They hear what they want to hear. And there’s not much I can do about it except grin and bear it and then go back to my happy and busy life until the next holiday when I make myself grin and bear it again. This is why April through September is my favorite time of the year—it’s the busiest time at the nursery and no major holidays.”
“Maybe Ruthie and I will kidnap you at Christmas so you can have an excuse to avoid your family.”
“It would be a Christmas miracle.” She sighed wistfully, imagining the happy thought of Erick and Ruthie dragging her out of her family’s Christmas party and throwing her in the back of a white van.
“We’ll see about making that happen. Ruthie’s been dying to commit another felony, anyway, before she turns eighteen. Kidnapping you sounds fun. I might tie you to the bed with a big red bow.”
“Finally, a reason to look forward to a holiday.”
“You know, your family can be as mean to me as they want. They’re not my family. I won’t give a damn about what they say. No skin off my nose.”
“My siblings aren’t that bad but my parents will find a way to needle you. Trust me.”
“They can try. I’m impervious to needling. I have a teenage daughter. You grow very thick skin when you have a teenage daughter as intelligent as mine.”
“Is Ruthie mean to you?”
“Vicious. She said I wasn’t good enough for you.”
“What?” Clover nearly fell out of the boat.
“If you ever wondered why I call her Ruthless...that’s why. Because she is.”
“Surely she didn’t mean that.”
“She did. But it’s not because she thinks I’m a bad person. She thinks you’re too good for almost anybody out there.”
“That’s very sweet of her. Even when she’s trying to be mean she’s sweet. Which is kind of the opposite of my parents, who are mean even when they’re trying to be sweet.”
“Ruthie is not passive-aggressive. She’s just aggressive-aggressive.”
“And I’m passive-passive. Must be why Ruthie and I get along so well. Unless I catch her insulting you again. Then I’ll show her how mean I can be.”
“Not mean at all, you mean.”
“Yeah, I’m a wimp.”
“You are not a wimp. It takes a very strong person to tolerate a family like that without going off on them. I think you should go off on them, but that’s just what I would do.”
“Don’t, please. You’re a wonderful man and I know you’ll want to defend me when they say stuff to me—and they will—but please don’t fight back. I’ll never hear the end of it from them. I told you I quit college to take a good job. Nine years ago that happened. Nine years. You know what they still call me? I’m their ‘little dropout.’ And I bet you money they’ll call me that in front of you.”
“Are you sure I can’t go off on them?”
“I’m sure. I think.”
“Are you sure you’re sure?”
“I’m sure I’m sure. Erick... I like you.”
“Oh, stop.” He batted his eyelashes.
“You stop. I mean, I really like you. I’d like to keep seeing you if I can. If you want. If you like that idea. No pressure.”
“Clover, I’ve spent the last three days having the best sex of my life with the most beautiful woman I’ve ever dated. I think it’s safe to say I like the idea of us seeing each other even after Thanksgiving.”
“Good,” she said. “I’m glad to hear it. But I’m serious here, if you go off on my family, they will shun you. I have a cousin my mother hasn’t spoken to in three years because he dared suggest their darling son-in-law, Mike, the Seattle real estate developer, was doing the city more harm than good with all his gentrification projects. If you and I are maybe going to keep seeing each other—”
“No maybe. Definitely not a maybe.”
She grinned. “Since we’re going to keep seeing each other, I’d like us to stay on their good side. That’s all. We just have to get through Thanksgiving without losing our tempers with them. Otherwise I will truly never ever hear the end of it for as long as I live. And it’s not worth it to me. Understand?”
“I understand. I don’t like it, but I understand.”
“Thank you. Now let’s do something other than talk about my family.”
“It’s really a boner killer.”
“Sorry. What’s the opposite of a boner killer?”
“You.”
“You want to talk about me?”
“I would love to talk about you. I would love to talk about you in bed.”
“We’re in a boat. No bed here, and the cabin is way over there.” She pointed to a tiny speck in the distance. Erick had rowed them all the way from one side of Lost Lake to the other. Now they had to row back.
“I can get us back there in no time.”
“It took us two hours to get out here.”
“Give me some inspiration.”
“Hmm...how about this? As soon as we get back to the cabin, I’ll do that thing you suggested we do while I was going down on you last night.”
“I don’t remember what I said. I was in a sex trance.”
“Then let’s get back to the cabin and I’ll tell you what you said. Then we’ll do it.”
“You drive a hard bargain. And by that I mean I’m hard.”
“Start rowing, mister.”
Erick rowed them halfway back to the cabin, then stopped in the middle of the lake.
“What’s wrong?” Clover asked.
“I just remembered something,” he said.
“What?”
“I’m old.”