Her Mystery Duke(30)
David actually paled and gaped at her for a long moment. “Good. God.”
“Stop, please. You’re making it sound as though he were this heinous villain.”
“He took your innocence.” David sat and then swept his hand about the chamber. “And left you here.”
“What was he supposed to do?”
“He could have wed you—or kept you in better quarters.”
“Wasn’t Thérèse your mistress?”
“That’s not the same.”
“Isn’t it?”
“No, it is not the same at all. I showered her with every luxury. In addition, I gave her security. More security than most women find in their marriages. She also was a woman, fully grown and capable of making an informed decision. She wasn’t some starry-eyed, seventeen-year-old chit.”
“I wasn’t starry-eyed.”
“All seventeen-year-olds are starry-eyed.”
“I wasn’t seventeen when he took me to bed. I had just turned eighteen.”
“He took shameless advantage of you. And he didn’t even give you pleasure.”
“He gave me pleasure.”
David gave her skeptical look.
“Not as you do, but there was some pleasure. But David, I don’t want you to have the wrong impression of the doctor. He helped me when no one else would.”
“Surely you had relations who would help?”
“When I was sixteen, when Papa first became unable to work, I went to his family in Marylebone. I humbled myself and I was turned away by a servant at their doorstep. They were ashamed of Papa’s descent into madness. They feared his child would share this insanity and they wished only to forget the bond.”
“Who was your father’s father?”
“He is a well-respected barrister.”
“What about your mother’s family?”
“She was a clergyman’s daughter, the third youngest of eleven children. She was sent to be a governess but she dreamed of being an artist.”
“She taught you to read and write?”
“Yes, Papa did as well. He was proud of me.” She couldn’t help a smile. “He called me his ‘clever girl’ and encouraged me to write my daydreams down as stories. He was a very charming man. Mama was besotted with him from the first, she claimed. Her family did not approve of him. He already showed signs of instability.”
“Did he? Such as?”
“At the age of thirty-five he abandoned a successful legal practice and devoted himself to his art. But such wild visions fueled his art. Many people were repulsed. His work was shocking, bordering on sacrilegious and obscene. But Mama was young and naïve. She thought he was a rare genius and he promised her so much. He promised to develop her art and to help her become known for her talents. Since Mama was under twenty-one, they ran away to wed. Her family struck her name from the family Bible. Each year at her father’s birthday, she wrote to him, and each year he ignored her letters. Why would I have ever expected help from them? Especially since I am tainted with my father’s insane seed?”
“Do you fear that you shall become mad like him?”
“I try not to think about it. The worries of today are more than enough for me.”
His expression became pained. “You have known too much worry.”
“Goodness, David, I am hardly unique. When I lost that last position, I told myself that I had best focus all my efforts on developing my writing. I worked hard on my own and then later the doctor introduced me to his friend, Bernard. He is a playwright and he helped me to develop my writing.”
“He bedded you as well and gave you rent money?”
“Yes, of course he did.”
“Do not ever tell me the name of this doctor or I fear I shall be greatly tempted to find him and call him out.”
She gaped at him. He seemed perfectly serious. She hadn’t thought of a gentleman being an idealist. Women all over London were forced by circumstances into bedding men for money. It was just the way of things.
“He is dead, David. He died of an apoplexy in late autumn.”
“Fortunate for him.”
At his hard and cold tone, a shiver convulsed her heart for she believed him capable of murder in that moment. It made her feel that she knew nothing of him. What the devil? She did know nothing of him.
So, why had she told him so much of herself? She never spoke of herself to others, not if she could help it. Yet she’d poured out her whole story to him as easily as if she’d been simply reviewing events in her own thoughts.
Suddenly, all the energy drained from her body, and she lay back and sagged into the pillow.
“You’re tired?” He smoothed the hair off her face.