“There?” He heard an odd note in her voice.
“Yeah.”
“Why would you do that? It’s a huge bed.”
“I’m used to sleeping on the ground. I’ve got a rug, blankets and a pillow. This is heaven.”
“Oh.” He watched as she lowered herself back down. Through the gauzy curtains the moonlight highlighted her face. She looked hurt.
“Lydia, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” God, no phrase in the world was more likely to set off alarm bells than asking a woman if something was wrong and her saying ‘nothing’.
He got up from the floor and went to the bed.
“Baby, what’s wrong? Please tell me.”
She was curled on her side, and as he approached she rolled to the other side, away from him, hugging the edge of the bed. Oh yeah, something was definitely wrong. I’m an idiot.
“Lydia, I wanted to sleep in the bed with you. I wanted to hold you, like we had in the jungle, but it just didn’t seem right. And you’re sick. I thought it would be best if I slept on the floor.”
She didn’t move. Yep, she was either angry or hurt, or maybe both.
“Lydia?”
“Lydia, I’m sorry.”
“It’s no big deal.”
He looked at her there, curled up in the fetal position. Had he just heard a hint of tears in her voice? He touched her shoulder and she didn’t move.
Fuck it! In for a penny, in for a pound.
He got up and threw back the covers, and made himself comfortable in the middle of the bed. Lydia trembled and he wasn’t having any of it. He reached around her waist and hauled her up close to him and buried his nose in her soft and shiny curls. She smelled like sunshine. She was just what he needed.
She kept her legs up close to her chest with her arms wrapped around them. “Lydia, I wasn’t rejecting you baby. This is really where I wanted to be.”
He felt her body loosen. He nuzzled the side of her neck, and he smoothed his hands down her arms until she let go. He tangled his legs with hers, so she was soon spooned against him. He twisted a little so his aching erection wasn’t pressed against her bottom. This was not about sex, this was about closeness and comfort.
“I don’t want to force you to do something you don’t want to do,” she said in a voice so soft he strained to hear it.
“You’re kidding, right?”
She jerked and her body started to go rigid.
“Hey, I was making a joke. What’s going on, baby?”
“Nothing. Everything. I think it is all catching up to me. I really didn’t want to go back to the safe house, but I feel guilty for feeling that way.”
“There’s no reason for you to feel guilty, it’s totally understandable.”
She rolled over and looked at him, her face traced with tears.
“I love my parents. I do! So much. But–” She stopped short.
“You’ve been strong for so many people for so long. It would be my honor if you would lean on me for a little while.”
“Being on the run with you—leaning on you—is not how I envisioned our time together. If we were ever lucky enough to meet when this Witness Protection Program wasn’t looming over our heads, I was hoping to be on equal footing.”
She rested her fists against his chest. He could see the anguish on her face and it killed him. He took one of her hands coaxed it open, and rested it against his flesh. She looked up at him with a question in her eyes.
The fact is you do have to rely on me for the next couple of weeks while we are in hiding and you recuperate. But in no way does that make you diminished in my eyes.”
She pushed against him. He covered her hand and kept his other against her back so she continued to stay in his arms.
“I’m not letting you go. Having you sleep next to me is something I’ve dreamed about for months. I am humbled at the idea of being able to care for you, only this time knowing you will get well, this isn’t life and death. It’s a dream come true. I’ve faced life and death many times, but I’ve never been as scared as when I thought you were going to die.”
Her beautiful brown eyes filled with more tears as she looked up at him. “You saved me, Clint. Not just by carrying me and caring for me. But it was your will that made me fight to live.”
He shuddered, even now the terror could slice through him too easily at odd times, and he would be back there thinking she was dead. He brushed the tears from her face. “I’m glad I gave you a reason to fight to live. Now fight hard to get well and to get well fast. Because when you’re well I want to hold you, press you against me, and feel your naked flesh slide against mine.”