"Grandma!"
"Don't you grandma me. I've been around a lot more years than you have. Sometimes you just have to accept that Grandma knows best." Bethel rose from the table and poured more coffee before reaching into the cupboard, grabbing her secret bottle of Jack, and adding a dollop to her cup.
"Who are you?" Sage gasped.
"I'm the woman who raised you and deserves respect," Bethel replied before taking a sip of her spiked coffee and sighing. "I don't have a drink too often, but dealing with a grown woman who's acting like a child requires some extra strength."
Sage sat there with her mouth open. She'd never seen her grandma behave so . . . so . . . well, so human.
"I'm . . ." Sage didn't know what she was or how she should finish that sentence.
"You're acting like a fool. That boy has romanced you, spoiled you, declared his love for you. Now, if you tell me that you can't stand the sight of him, that he makes your skin crawl and you'd rather live in the swamps than be in his presence, I'll understand and support you. But if you're telling me that you love him and are too scared to be with him, I'll have to get out my broom and smack you on the behind."
"Yes, I love him, I just . . . oh, I don't know." She realized she wasn't making the least bit of sense. Why did she have to overanalyze this?
"Well, in my time, if you loved someone, you just did. There wasn't all this game playing. There wasn't a competition to see who told who their feelings first. It was simple. Boy meets girl, girl likes boy, boy proposes, and then everyone lives happily ever after."
It didn't get any more black-and-white than that.
"And no one from your generation ever woke up one morning and realized they'd made a huge mistake?"
"Well of course they did. Love isn't perfect. It doesn't come with a guidebook-though you can get a book on just about anything these days-and it doesn't come with guarantees. But if two people love each other, they work through those hardships. They don't dwell on a problem, they face it head-on, together. They decide the person they love is worth the fight."
"I'm a pain. I know I am. I do things sometimes that drive even me crazy. How long would it be before he just gives up, before he decides I'm not worth the hassle anymore?" Sage asked, her throat clogging up.
"Oh, baby. You aren't a pain. I know this-I've been with you since the day you were born. You are an intelligent, spirited, beautiful woman any man would be proud to have," Bethel scooted her chair next to Sage's and drew her into her arms.
"You have to say that because you're my grandma," Sage said with a hiccup. "But why is this so hard? Why hasn't anyone else wanted to be with me?"
"Because you are brave and strong. Sadly, there are many men out there who feel better about themselves when they get to be the big, strong protector. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with a man protecting his castle, but there's also nothing wrong with a woman defending her home. Has Spence ever asked you to be anything other than who you are?"
Sage paused as she thought over the last several months with Spence. He'd challenged her, forced her from her comfort zone, and given her more than any other person ever had, but had he asked her to change? Had he asked her to be something she wasn't?
"He asked me to marry him after he asked me to move in with him and I freaked out."
"Baby girl, that's not asking you to change. That's asking you to merge your life with his."
"I don't know . . ." Sage was wavering, and that wasn't the way this conversation was supposed to go. She was supposed to have a talk with her grandmother, make sure the woman knew never to interfere in her life again, and then get this miserable Christmas over with. She wasn't supposed to be having a soul-shattering moment.
"Do you love him, Sage?"
"Why do you keep asking that?"
"Because that's all that really matters in the end. It comes down to whether you love him. If you do, the rest will work itself out."
"Love isn't the point, Grandma."
"Love is always the point, darling."
"I don't need a man to be whole."
"You are quite right. You don't need anyone to make you whole. But take this from me-it's mighty lonely at night to be whole by yourself."
"I'm sorry that you gave up a chance to find another man because you were raising me, Grandma." Sage had never thought before of the sacrifices her grandmother had made so that she could grow up feeling loved.
"I didn't give up on love because I had you. I lost my husband and I grieved him for many years. Then when my sorrow grew a little less, I just wasn't interested in finding love again. The love your grandfather and I had was beautiful and kind. If I truly thought I could have that again, I wouldn't hesitate and he wouldn't want me to. The truth of it is that I just never felt that way about another man." The blush on her cheeks led Sage to believe there may be someone now.
"Would you marry again if you did feel that way?"
"In an instant."
"Then maybe I should do some matchmaking of my own-a little payback,"
"If you can play Cupid, bring it on, sweetheart. But enough about me. Why don't you quit worrying about emotion and tell me about Spence."
"You already know him, Grandma, probably better than I do."
"Let's just pretend I've lost my memory. I want to hear what you think about him, who you think he is."
Sage leaned back in her chair and thought about it. Who was Spence?
"He's . . . well, he's kind and brilliant. The most talented doctor I've ever worked with. He's funny, and knows his job so well. He knows when to be serious and when to laugh. Everyone we meet loves him. We can't go anywhere without getting stopped. People just want to chat with him. He has this smile-oh, his smile-it's so bright, so infectious. He's spontaneous, and likes to jump right in with both feet, but he also knows when something needs careful planning. And the way he looks at me . . . it . . . it just makes me feel like I'm the only person on the planet."
Bethel didn't say anything, and Sage realized she'd been going on and on. She closed her eyes and pictured the Christmas tree, the tree she and Spence had found together and how it had become perfect because he had been perfect. She thought of fishing in Seattle, of the intimate club, of the laughter on the ski slope. She thought of those moments in the hospital when he'd cornered her in a dark room and left her breathless.
Every memory with him made her smile. She never knew what to expect when he showed up, but she wasn't frightened by that uncertainty. She knew whatever he had planned would make her smile, would be a new adventure.
"I do love him-really love him. But what if it's because it's new? What if it does fade?"
"Then you'll survive and you'll learn ways to keep it fresh," Bethel said.
"Just like that?"
"Yes, just like that. Haven't you survived the most tragic of circumstances?"
"Yes. I still open my eyes sometimes in the morning and expect Mom to be right there." Even if she did accept what was right in front of her, and then somehow lost it, she would survive that, too. Nothing could be as bad as losing her parents, not even losing the man who was already wedged tightly into her heart.
"It doesn't matter, does it?" Sage asked.
"What doesn't matter?" Now it was Bethel's turn to be confused.
"I'm already invested. I've been dwelling on this for days, trying to rationalize it, trying to figure out how to make this black-and-white, how to outline it and tuck all my emotions into nice little corners. But the bottom line is that I love him. Whether I lose him now or in ten years or in sixty, it doesn't matter. It will hurt no matter what. I can't go back now."
"No, no, you can't," Bethel said with a grin.
"Well, being in love stinks." Now, her grandma could call her a child all she wanted. Sage stood up, then leaned down and kissed Bethel's cheek. "I love you," she said, then she moved through the house and went upstairs.
She didn't even have the energy to go home. Being at her grandmother's would always be home, though. Falling into her old bed, she drifted to sleep, her only solace.
Grace was expressionless as she faced Camden. Why did he have to keep pushing her? Why wouldn't he just let this go?
"Do you really think this will all just fade away, that you can keep lying to your friends, the people who care about you?"