Her Forgotten Betrayal(52)

Fuck.

But he could do nothing about any of it while Shaw was in crisis, trapped within another nightmare, screaming and lost in a place where he couldn’t reach her.

“Wake up, darlin’,” he urged.

He’d been gently shaking her for several minutes, not sure how to break her away from the dream without terrifying her even more.

“I’m right here,” he said.

“You left me.” Tears streamed from the corners of her now-closed eyes. “It was never me you wanted. You made me face him, then you left me. Now he’ll kill me. He’ll kill us both. Because you had to have your answers.”

Cole froze. His fingers tightened on her arms. He pulled back as if she’d burned him. Had her mind figured out the truth before he’d had a chance to tell her? The uncharacteristic panic rushing through him made him acutely aware of how ill-prepared he was for the possibility of losing her all over again.

She was so beautiful, even in the midst of the nightmare, her body glowing, open and vulnerable, sated from them taking each other to heights he’d found only with Shaw. He could see the evidence of his beard, where he’d lovingly marked her body in the hollow of her neck, the curve of her breasts, and the softness of her thighs. And every touch she’d accepted with abandon, she’d given back tenfold, binding him to her. Until he’d been unable to protect himself or his heart. With Shaw, he’d never been able to.

Curling her into his body now, sitting her up and rocking her as she cried, he felt his chest squeeze so tightly, he knew he wouldn’t survive letting her go.

“Come back to me.” His fingers bunched in the soft silk of her hair, her face only inches from his. “Wake up, Shaw. It’s just a nightmare. It can’t hurt you.”

“You let him shoot me!” There was a steely edge to her voice. God, she believed every word she was saying.

“Wake up, darlin’. You know I’d never let him hurt you.” Cole gritted his teeth. Because hadn’t he, by doing his job and what he’d thought would protect her, already allowed her stalker too many chances? Her body continued to fight him, lost to the trauma of whatever she’d seen. “Damn it, Shaw. Will you fucking trust me this once? Wake up!”

She jerked as if he’d slapped her. Her incoherent cry ruined him. Her eyes ripped open.

“You’re with them.” Accusation narrowed her soft brown gaze. “Get away from me.”

“With who? It’s Cole. I’m not going to hurt you. You have to—”

“Trust you? Like I did in the closet?” She wasn’t fully conscious, but she was spitting mad and strong as hell. “Who are you, really, and what are you doing to me? You don’t want me. That’s just a lie, or you wouldn’t have left.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Cole asked, his blood freezing in his veins. “When did I leave you?”

“Be…” Shaw shook her head and swallowed. Her gaze was crazed still. Confused. Far away, the same as every other time she’d started to remember. “Before…”

All these years, it had never occurred to him how she must have suffered, too. He’d only seen the damage her betrayal had done to his life. But in her own way, Shaw had lived just as lonely and isolated an existence as he had since Sebastian’s death, allowing her career to eclipse everything else in her life. She had no family left. No long-term relationships. There was no chance she’d let anyone get close enough again for her to care whether or not she lost them. Exactly as Cole had lived for far too long.

“Shaw…” Everything she’d said and remembered so far replayed in his mind, the fears and broken dreams of a woman who’d been as emotionally devastated by their past as he had.

“Why did you leave me, Cole?” she demanded, her anger roaring back. Her nails bit into the tender flesh of his back.

“Damn it.” He recoiled, loosening his grip on her for only a second. But that was all it took. She was off the bed, running from him, slippery as a cool breeze. He grabbed for her, but she was already gone.

“Shaw!”

“Leave me alone. I’ll never trust you again.”

She grappled with the door. She flipped the lock and raced down the hallway. He was at her heels but afraid to put too much force behind catching her. They were both stark naked.

“Darlin’, stop before you hurt yourself. For God’s sake, you’re acting crazy, letting a dream rile you up when you know I’m here to protect you. We just made love, because we both wanted it just as badly. I’d protect you with my life. You know that. Settle down. You’ve got to be freezing. Let me get you something to wrap yourself in, and we can talk. I’ll tell you everything you want to know.”