The question destroyed any remaining sexual tension between them. They would never be able to make love like two normal people. She would always have to hold back, out of fear that she might hurt him. What kind of woman would ever be satisfied in a relationship like that? He wanted Layla more than any woman he'd ever known, but he was never going to have her-not the way he wanted … or the way she deserved.
Whatever hard-on he'd had was gone now, and knowing that Layla was fully aware of it made looking at her one of the toughest things he'd ever had to do.
"No, you didn't hurt me. I just think we need to slow down," he said softly. "We don't have to rush into anything, you know?"
She looked at him like she was about to cry, which made him feel even worse. "But I thought maybe tonight we could make love, as part of celebrating everything that's going good for both of us."
Layla had wanted to take their relationship further for a while now. He'd known that. But if tonight had shown him anything, it was that their relationship had gone about as far as it could go.
He swallowed hard, shook his head. "I don't think that's going to work out tonight. Maybe we can try some other time."
Jayson could tell Layla was fighting to hold back the tears, and he felt like kicking himself. Why the hell didn't he just have the balls to tell her that this was never going to work, so she could find someone else to have a life with?
Probably because his balls had been damaged by that RPG as much as his back.
She bit her lip. "Do you think it would be okay if I spent the night? We can just sleep in the same bed together. We don't have to do anything."
He found it easier to shake his head this time. "You have to work tomorrow, and I have an early rehab appointment. It might be best if you headed home."
Jayson thought she was going to argue, and he didn't have a fucking clue what he would say if she did. But then as quickly and as gracefully as she'd climbed on his lap, she was off.
"Thanks for the dinner," she said softly as she grabbed her coat from the overstuffed chair. But she didn't look at him as she spoke or as she put on her coat.
Then she was gone, and he was left there on his couch, wondering what the hell had just happened. A couple hours ago, he had been a handicapped vet with few if any job possibilities, an approaching financial crisis, and a good shot at a lifetime of pain.
But he'd had an amazing woman in his life to balance out all that shit.
Now, he was pretty sure he didn't have that woman, and he wasn't sure where his life went from here … except down.
Chapter 6
Minka couldn't believe she was hungry again, especially since she and Angelo had eaten breakfast barely two hours ago, but when Zarina had brought out a plate of soft, flaky pastries for them to nibble on while they talked, she sat down and eagerly grabbed a Danish. Minka didn't know whether it was being in captivity for so long or the animal inside that made her ravenous lately. Regardless, the pastries were too delicious to pass up.
"So, the doctors injected you with this blood-like serum within a day or so of your capture?" Zarina asked as she sipped her tea.
Minka nodded. "Yes."
She didn't like to talk about it because talking about it only reminded her of how horrible those men had been to her. But before Angelo left her alone with Zarina, he'd told her it was important to tell the doctor as much as she could remember about what had happened to her.
She broke off a piece of Danish but didn't eat it. "After they injected me, there was so much pain that I didn't think I would survive, but after it subsided and I was able to open my eyes and look in the mirror they held up to me, I saw my eyes were no longer brown but green and that I had fangs." She swallowed hard. "They told me they'd made me better, but I knew right then that they'd turned me into an animal."
Yesterday, she would have said monster, but after talking to Angelo last night, she preferred to think he was right and that she wasn't a monster. But she did turn into a beast, there was no denying that.
"Did they inject you with the serum just that one time?" Zarina asked.
"Yes."
"But your eyes didn't glow red right away?"
Minka shook her head. "No. All I know is that they were green that first time; then later, the doctors told me that my eyes glowed red, especially when I was angry."
"I'm guessing the doctors made you angry on purpose to see how you would respond," Zarina said.
Minka nodded. "There was so much rage inside me, and I could never control it, no matter what I did. It wasn't very hard for them to make me angry. All they had to do was threaten to hurt me, and the beast would come out. Sometimes the beast would go away after that. Other times, it would stay in control for days, and I'd be forced into the background and have to watch the beast rage without being able to do anything."
"I know how hard that must have been for you," Zarina said. "But the rage seems to go away anytime Angelo is around, right?"
Minka couldn't help but smile. "Yes. I don't understand why it happens. It's like he is my guardian angel, watching over me and keeping the beast away. When he is near, I feel safe. Like nothing and no one can hurt me."
Zarina regarded her thoughtfully. "So he doesn't have to be touching you for you to keep the rage at bay? He just has to be close?"
"Yes."
Minka hadn't realized until last night, while she was lying in bed, that she could actually feel Angelo out in the living room. It hadn't been as comforting as having him right there beside her-which is why she'd abandoned the bedroom and moved out to the couch with him-but it had kept the beast "at bay," as Zarina said.
She slowly turned in her chair until she was facing the back wall, the one with a framed photograph of a field of snow. Minka closed her eyes and thought of Angelo. Within moments, she immediately knew where he was in the complex. Not because she could hear him talking, or pick up his delicious scent-he was too far away. But there was some sense that told her he was in one of the offices in the next building over.
Minka turned to face Zarina again. "Angelo is that way, maybe thirty or forty meters. And he is worrying about me at this very moment."
She couldn't tell the doctor how she knew either of those things. She just did. But his proximity, and the fact that he was thinking about her, were the reasons she was able to stay calm right then, even though he wasn't in the same room with her.
"That's amazing," Zarina whispered.
Minka agreed, though probably for different reasons. The fact that she knew where Angelo was standing at any given moment was certainly interesting. But she would save the word amazing to describe last night.
Being able to sleep on Angelo's big, muscular chest had been the closest thing to heaven she could imagine existing in this world. Hearing his strong heart beating under her ear the whole night had lulled her into the deepest and most comfortable sleep she had ever had in her life.
Then, when they'd woken up that morning, he told her that he'd make breakfast while she used the bathroom first. A man making her breakfast? That was something she'd never imagined could happen.
Truthfully, she could have stayed there on the couch with him all day. She almost blushed at the direction her mind went when she thought of cuddling up on his naked chest again, like she had last night. It had been very difficult not to run her fingers through his hair. She'd been very careful not to put her hands anywhere they weren't supposed to go, but still. Those soft, black shorts he'd been wearing did little to hide that there was something very interesting down there. And if her hip had occasionally brushed up against it while she was on the couch with him, she could hardly be blamed for being curious.
Minka quickly shoved a piece of Danish into her mouth and chewed, hoping Zarina wouldn't see her face flaming scarlet. She'd never had those kinds of thoughts about a man before. But then again, she'd never met anyone remotely like Angelo.
When Minka finally looked at Zarina, it was to find the doctor regarding her with an expression that could only be described as concerned.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
Zarina smiled. "Nothing's wrong. I'm very happy that you can be calm around Angelo." The Russian doctor hesitated, as if she wasn't sure if she should continue. "It's just that you're going to need to find a way to control the rage inside you when Angelo is not with you. He's in the army. At some point, he has to go back to his team, wherever they might be."