Back inside my apartment, Paul waits for me. I walk up to him, put my hand on his chest and push him toward the bedroom. On the way, I pick up the bag of toys we bought at the adult novelty shop and bring it with us.
His smile lights up the dim room. I turn on the light because I don’t want to miss a thing.
At first I seem like the one in control, pushing him around, but as soon as the cuffs are out of their package, he takes over, cuffing me to my old headboard. He wastes no time getting my shorts and panties off. My shirt and bra are pushed up to my wrists. Leaning back, he takes in my nakedness, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat as he devours me with his eyes.
“Spread your legs for me,” he demands.
I do as he tells me, opening my legs as far as they’ll go so he has a perfect view. He tilts his head to the side, his lips slack and partly open as he examines the delicate skin between my legs. It turns me on even more, being watched and seeing the front of his jeans grow tight from his erection.
He strips out of his jeans and begins slowly stroking himself as he examines me. Even with his massive hands wrapped around himself, his dick still looks huge. As far as dicks go, he has a nice one. The head is large but not too big so that it hurts. It turns a deep pink when he’s turned on. The velvety smooth shaft is long and thick and perfectly proportionate to the head.
After a minute, he stops his own pleasure to tend to me once more. His hands massage and tickle the sensitive skin of my labia, stopping just short of entering me or touching my clit. He’s so disciplined, never in a hurry, building these feelings into a furious storm before allowing me to get any relief.
“I can smell your soap on your sheets on your old bed,” he says. My eyes flutter open at the sound of his voice.
“You were in my room?”
My room at my parents’ house is exactly the way I left it before moving into my apartment. Even my diary is still stuffed under the mattress. The one that has Paul’s name scrolled through it a thousand times, talking about all my childish day dreams of our wedding, the names of our future children, all the sexy things I wanted to try that I’d seen in porno videos or magazines.
I still have dirty laundry there, my laptop that has naked selflies on it, which, thankfully, is password protected. Everything that could possibly humiliate me with Paul is in that room and he’s had plenty of time to go snooping.
He’s looking curiously at me. “I couldn’t help but think when I sat on your bed that this was the same place you used to touch yourself when you were first discovering new sensations to your body. The same bed you snuck a boy into while your parents were asleep downstairs, and he put his fingers into you for the first time.”
My eyes open wide. “How—” I start to say, but remember my diary.
He continues. “It was where you put a hairbrush handle into your ass to see what it would feel like, and discovered your new love for ass-play.” He takes the bottle of strawberry lube he bought and drizzles it onto his fingers. The tart candy scent fills my nose. Using his dry hand, he spreads my ass cheeks apart with his fingers, and with the lubed hand, begins to massage the rim of my asshole. I take a deep breath and let it slowly out, trying to not tense up.
“There you go, just relax,” he says when my body starts to loosen up. Still, he doesn’t enter me even though I’m ready to accept him.
“The same bed,” he continues, “that you laid in night after night fantasizing about me …”
“So you did read my diary.”
I can’t remember everything I used to write in my diary, but I never held anything back. Everything I ever felt about Paul was between those pages, raw and unabridged.
“It was just lying there. I couldn’t help it,” he says.
“It was under my mattress wrapped up in a sweater.”
A beautiful, playful smile tilts his lips. “You were a dirty little girl, weren’t you?”
“Maybe a little.”
I’d always been a good student, excellent with computers, and managed to find my way onto porn sites that I shouldn’t have had access to. A girl can learn a thing or two from those webpages. Watching all those women spreading their butt cheeks while men drilled into them, planted a seed into my brain that continued to grow over the years. I knew one day I wanted that done to me, and I used to picture Paul as the one to do it. That, I remember writing in my diary.
Just as I open my mouth to speak, one of his fingers slips past my ring. I suck in a loud breath instead. I’m nervous. I’ve never done this with anyone before. It takes a moment for me to relax enough for it to easily glide in and out without that feeling of uncomfortable pressure.