I put my arm over Alissa’s shoulder, pretending to be jealous or something. I use my best eyebrow moves on him, signaling that he needs to just move along.
It doesn’t work. His smile gets bigger.
“That guy is staring at us,” Alissa says. She steps closer to me. Now we’re touching rib to rib, hip to hip.
“Yeah, no shit. Creeper alert.”
I can almost see the gears grinding away in his head. As he turns more fully around, ready to make his move, I shake my head. It’s the least I can do to give him advance warning. Anyone with a brain would see my signal and stop or continue past us, pretending like he wasn’t going to come over and talk to us. But not this guy. Mister Brainless stops right in front of Alissa and puts his hand out.
I grab his wrist before he makes it all the way to her belly. “Don’t even thing about touching her, dude.”
He frowns, but lets his hand drop. “You’re pregnant, huh?” he asks, taking a swig of beer from his bottle. He’s got a really old-looking black heavy metal t-shirt on and saggy jeans. His stomach has seen way too many beers over his lifetime of approximately thirty years.
“Yes, I am. You’re very observant,” she says, her sarcasm hiding beneath a polite exterior.
“It looks good on you.” He nods, letting his eyes roam from her face down to her belly then lower.
“Ew, God, get a life,” I say, pulling her away a little.
Her feet stick in place and I find my arm slipping off.
“Thank you,” she says, smiling genuinely now. “That’s very sweet of you to say, even though I know it’s not true.”
I roll my eyes. Jesus H Christ on a friggin sesame seed bun, she’s feeling flattered by a prego-perv. What’s next? A marriage proposal?
He nods his head with his lower lip stuck out in appreciation. “Oh, I mean it, all right. You’re beautiful. Stunning. Your face is glowing. You’re going to be a great mom, I can tell.” His hand comes out for another touch and Alissa doesn’t act like she’s going to stop him.
I grab her by the arm and pull her back so he misses. I lean over and whisper loudly into her ear. “Hello! Earth to Alissa! Perv alert!”
She shakes me off. “Stop, Quin. He’s just being cute.”
“Cute? He’s just being cute? Gah. I think I just barfed in my mouth a little.” I look nervously over at the table with Mick and Colin at it. I’m out of my league with this turd basket hitting on Alissa and her encouraging it like that. I have no idea how to step between a delusional pregnant person and a deviant freakazoid without hurting someone. This operation requires way gentler skills than I possess.
“Is there a problem here?”
I get a little light-headed with the relief that passes through me. “Colin. Hi. Yes. Alissa was just saying how much she misses you.” I point to her and the guy.
He looks up, and the weirdo’s face falls when he sees Colin there.
Alissa scowls. “No, I wasn’t. Go back to your table, Colin.” She turns back to her suitor. “You were saying?”
Colin looks at me in confusion. “What’s she doing?”
I throw up my hands. “I don’t know! Ruining my plan! Going AWOL! Flirting with disaster! Suffering from pregnancy-induced psychosis! Take your pick.” I cross my arms, too disgusted to think straight. “I hope Mick is getting some good info right now because this is turning into a total bust as far as I can tell.”
“Yeah, he’s doing fine.” Colin leaves me and moves over to stand on Alissa’s other side. He doesn’t say anything, he just stares at the guy who can’t keep his eyes off Alissa’s belly.
I’m impressed by Colin’s completely cool attitude because all I can do is shiver at the whole thing. I notice as the guy holds his bottle in front of him that his fingernails are chewed so far down, they have dried blood on them and sores on the sides. Holy murderer molester cannibal guy. No way can I let Alissa go anywhere with this dude, not even over into a booth. Thank God Colin is here because I’m not sure I can take the guy down. He’s got at least fifty pounds on me, maybe more.
The molester finally comes to the realization that Colin isn’t leaving. He breaks his gaze away from Alissa and looks right at him. “Dude, do you mind? I’m trying to have a conversation here.” He gestures with his bottle at Alissa.
“Yeah, actually, I do mind.” Colin’s arms swing gently at his sides. I see it for the preparedness that it is. He could throw a spleen-crushing punch in a split second if necessary. I breathe easier for the first time in many minutes.