“What? How am I supposed to know that was some kind of trigger word?”
I point to the clinic. “Duh!”
Teagan gives me her guilty dumbass smile. “Oh. Yeah. Boner ding.”
I bend down to get my face closer to Alissa’s. “Alissa! Hey! You need to stop crying, okay? Someone’s going to call the cops on you for … disturbing the peace or whatever.”
She quiets down pretty quick. “I can… I can… I can’t sto…. sto…stop!” She tries to breathe, but hiccups take over and then she starts retching.
Teagan jumps back as I grab Alissa by the shoulders and drag the top half of her body towards the open door. “Okee dokee, no vommy in the Toyota, okay-zees?” I hold her up while her body convulses with dry heaves.
“Why are you talking to her like she’s two?” Teagan whispers.
“Shut up, I don’t know why.”
“Ahhhhhhh, gaaaaaah, mmmuuuuuhhhhh!” Alissa groans out between heaves.
“Oh my god,” Teagan says in a low tone. “Pregnancy suuuuucks.”
Alissa starts crying in the middle of her choking and heaving.
“Okay, Tea-Tea. Time for you to go get us some water, k?” I lift an eyebrow at her.
Unable to deny my power, she leaves with an eye roll, heading back into the clinic. I’m pretty sure she’s glad for the chance to escape.
“Okay, Alissa,” I say, pushing her back into the car. “Time for you to get a grip.”
She flops back onto her seat, her eyes closed and her face pale.
“Jesus,” I say, squatting down and staring at her. Thank goodness she didn’t actually throw up; I don’t know what I’d do then. There aren’t any sticks around here I could poke her with and I don’t care how sad someone is; I will not ruin a good pair of shoes by standing in puke.
“Alissa … do you need medication or something? Is that why you’re here? Are you diabetic? Do I need to shoot you up with something?”
“No,” she whispers. “Just shoot me, period. With a gun and a bullet.”
“Mmmm … no. Not today. I’m fresh out of murdering thoughts at the current time. Try me tomorrow, though, because you never know when they’ll crop up again.” I think of Mick and how badly I screwed up last night and decide maybe I could work up a good murdering rage without a lot of effort. Alissa’s sad voice brings me back to reality.
“I don’t need any medication. I just need to go.”
“Where are you going?” I ask, thinking this is a safe question. Wrong-o.
She starts crying again.
I don’t know what makes me do it. Maybe it’s panic. Maybe it’s all the meat byproducts I just consumed. It could even be the root beer, although I doubt it. I mean, what could be more innocent than a root beer?
I slap her. Right on her sad little face.
She stops crying immediately and her eyes fly open.
After a few seconds of speechlessness, she opens her mouth. “Did you just slap me?” Her voice is in a really funny high pitch. I’m pretty sure all the dog-ears in a two-mile radius are perked up right now.
“Yep, I sure did.” That’s right. Play it off like it’s no big deal, like you didn’t just assault a pregnant lady.
“I’m pregnant in case you haven’t noticed!” she screeches.
“Yes.” I put my hand on top of hers. “And you’re having some kind of nervous breakdown or something, so I was just trying to get you back on planet Earth. You’re welcome.”
Her nostrils flare a few times and then she lets her head fall back against the headrest. She breathes out a big, long sigh and a sad smile creeps onto her lips. “I cannot believe I’m about to thank you for slapping me in the face.”
“Don’t worry about it. You wouldn’t be the first.”
She turns her head and opens one eye. “You slap Teagan?”
“Regularly. She needs it and I’m pretty sure she likes it.” I shift to get more comfortable, resting one of my butt cheeks on the edge of her car’s running board. “So what’s up? Why are you so freaked out? Is it the whole pregnancy thing or is it something else?”
She closes her eyes again and turns her head back to center. “What’s freaking me out? I think a better question is what isn’t freaking me out. That would be a shorter list.”
“Nah. The other list sounds more interesting.”
She sighs loudly again. I think she’s not going to answer, but then she does. “I fucked up. Plain and simple.”