“You’re welcome to stay, Mick. We have plenty of food.”
“That’s okay. I was just trying to reach my brother to get a lift home.”
She reaches out and takes his wrist. “Nonsense. You’re staying here for dinner and Quinlan can take you home after dessert.”
“Quinlan?” he asks me as he’s being led away, an evil grin lighting up his face.
I shake my head and give him the death-ray glare, mouthing every cuss word I know in his direction.
All he does is smile. And then he has the absolute gall to wink at me.
CHAPTER FIVE
I’M IN THE BATHROOM, SITTING on a closed toilet lid with my cell phone pressed to my ear. “Come on, come on, pick up the phone, Tea-Tea...”
“Hello, sweetie cakes, what’s up?”
I want to scream when I hear her say that. “What the fuck is wrong with all you people?” I say in a whisper-growl.
“Well, that’s an interesting way to start a phone call,” Teagan says, a smile in her voice.
“Since when did you start calling me sweetie cakes?”
“Since today, I guess. You got a problem with it?”
“No. But I do have a problem with everyone doing shit that I don’t expect, okay? So if you could just go back to being the old scowly grumpy Teagan for right now, that would be first-class. Seriously.”
“Wow, who shit in your Wheaties?”
“Good. That’s better. Mick shit in my Wheaties if you must know.”
“Mick? Mick as in Rebel’s Mick?”
“Yes. His little brother. The ass-kissing, hot sexy, liar, jerk face, … guy in my house right now, sitting down to eat dinner with my whole frigging family. That guy.”
My mother’s voice comes in faintly through the wood of the bathroom door. “Quuuiiinlaaaan … diiiiinnnerrr!”
“Fuck me sideways, it’s dinner time.” I rest my elbow on the counter and put my forehead in my hand. My head has suddenly become too heavy to be carried by my neck alone.
“So, go have dinner,” Teagan says.
“Stop acting all casual like that!” I yell, jerking my head off my hand so I can flap my fingers all over the place. “I can’t just go have dinner!”
“Uh … am I missing something?”
I bang my phone on my forehead a few times to get a grip on my temper. “Yes. I forgot to tell you about my shitcake of a day.”
“Okay, tell me.”
“You left Mick here and Jersey glommed onto him like stink on poo, and then Mick ended up following us to the doctor’s office where he heard all kinds of awful shit about Jersey doing shit he shouldn’t be doing and now he’s here for dinner too!”
“Wow, you move fast. When’s the wedding?”
“It wasn’t me! It was Jersey! And Mick! They’re in some sort of evil plan together to make me insane.” I huff out some air to push my hair off my forehead. “You won’t frigging believe what those two have been doing.”
“Maybe he’s just trying to get laid. By you, I mean, not Jersey.”
“You know what? That would be fine, because in all honesty, I do find him more hot than is probably legal. But this is not the way to do it. You do not get into my pants through mesmerizing my brother. That’s just wrong.” I’m sad, because as self-righteous as I sound, I’m pretty sure that’s not Mick’s goal. He seems more interested in just goofing around with Jersey than even talking to me.
“That sounded really wrong.”
“Yeah, well, whatever. Jersey licked cat poo. Did I tell you that?”
When Teagan stops laughing she responds. “What cat poo has to do with Mick getting into your pants, I’m not even sure I want to know.”
“It’s a long story. It’s not connected. Anyway, I have to go to dinner.”
“And Mick is there?”
“Yes. He’s here. And I want to know all about your lawyer appointment but not now. I have to go murder my whole family first.”
“Don’t murder them. Just pity them. And say hi to Mick for me. Does he need a ride home?”
“Yes! Come get him now. I’ll box up his dinner.”
“I’ll see you in an hour. Have fun,” she says, way too cheerily.
“Payback can be a real bitch,” I growl.
“I look forward to it.” She disconnects the call and leaves me alone on the toilet.