“Absolutely.” She nodded. “Do you remember him touching and looking at your necklace?”
I did. I remembered it clearly. “So is this just a competition between brothers?” The thought of that hurt and pissed me off royally. I was nobody’s contest prize.
“If I hadn’t seen the whole thing I would have said yes, but he meant business and his feelings rang true. As true as Hayden’s. You can’t fake that,” she added, making me feel sick to my stomach on top of my headache. “So,” she took on a very matter of fact tone, “two of the most powerful beings in the universe are head over heels in love with you. . .what are you going to do?”
“I’m going to Disney World," I snapped sarcastically. "Wait,” I gasped as I doubled over. “Grandpa said God begat two True Immortal Angels.” My body trembled as I put two and two together. “God is their father, which means they’re my cousins.” I stood up on shaky legs and began to pace the front yard, stepping all over flowers and plants. “Holy Hell, I’m in love with one of my cousins and just kissed the other one!”
And I thought I was nauseous before.
“Hold on,” Blanche yelled, stopping me in the middle of a bed of petunias. “Technically you’re right, but you’re actually wrong.”
“Have you been hanging out with Grandpa?” I shouted. “You’re making no sense.” I continued to destroy the beautiful garden with clumsy feet and a broken heart. Did Hayden lie to me?
“Sit!” Blanche demanded as she put a temporary kibosh on my hysteria. I sat in the bluebells and narrowed my eyes at her. “You are not related by blood to Hayden or Elijah.”
“How in the Hell do you know that?” I shrieked.
“I have no idea.” She was bewildered, “I didn’t know it an hour ago, but I know it as true now.”
“That’s completely screwed.” I was quieter now. However, for no good reason I knew she spoke the truth. “Go on."
“In the beginning, when True Immortals first came to be, they weren’t born of a woman and a man like you were. They were created.”
“But my father has parents and so does God.” This made no sense. “My father and God share the same mother.”
“Mother Nature didn’t give birth the traditional way. She used power from your grandpa and God’s father to create Satan and God.”
“Not to be rude, but that sounds like a pile of shit.” I rolled my eyes.
“It does,” Blanche agreed. “But it’s not. So while God and Satan were raised as brothers, they are not blood related.”
I was so confused. “Which means everybody is adopted?”
"Simplistic, but yes. Think of everyone as found and lumped together with caretakers."
"So freakin' typical for my family. . .Spell it out one more time—in English."
“It means you are not related to the ridiculously hot Angels who are after your ass.”
This was too much to take in. What had started as a bad day just kept getting worse. First, Lucy and the Things wanted my friendship, then I almost died, then to top it all off my not-by-blood-related kinda cousin, The Angel of Light, hit on me instead of killing me. Could it get any stranger? Nope.
“So, my dad and his brother were hatched from pods without the benefit of sperm or eggs from their True Immortal parents. . .just some power and some magic hoodoo. Which by the way is really stinkin’ hard to buy,” I huffed in disbelief and continued. “Then God and Satan had children the traditional way, the way we learned about in science class. They had sex. Hayden and Elijah are brothers born of my Uncle God, who I suppose isn’t really my uncle if we get technical. I am born of his non-blood related brother Satan, even though they have the same mother who didn't physically give birth to them. Therefore all of this bullshit boils down to the fact that I am not related to my boyfriend, who is apparently older than dirt, or his brother who I just swapped spit with an hour ago. Who, by the way, is also older than dirt.” I took a huge cleansing breath. “Is that about right?”
“Pretty much,” Blanche said. A grin replaced the open mouthed reaction to the Cliffs Notes version of my family history. “The pod part is kind of off, but whatever.” She pulled me up and away from the decimated bluebells and wrapped her silver arms around me. “Are you going to be okay?” She held me tight.
“I don’t really have a choice, do I?”
“No,” she agreed. “You really don’t.”
“Do you know what the most screwed up part of all of this is?” I pulled out of her embrace and ran my hands through my hair. “The fun hasn’t even begun yet. I’m supposed to find a freakin’ sword and kill a buttload of Rogue Demons and restore or find the Balance of Chaos.” I started to laugh.