Hell On Heels(62)

Grandma Gigi threw her head back and laughed. The monkeys clapped their hands and danced wildly around her. "Your child will come soon," she said.
"What?" Ethan asked, visibly alarmed. "How soon?"
"Very soon, and I have a lot to tell you people. First of all. . ."
"No!" an unfamiliar German accented voice bellowed. "You will stop right now unless you want to change the tides of destiny and turn your family to dust. If you persist you will pay," the voice growled ominously.
What the Hell? My fingers tingled and my magic came up fast and violent, making me dizzy. My family was certifiable, but no German douchebag was going to destroy them. They were capable of doing that themselves with no outside help. I turned in the direction of the enemy and let my power rip. A fiery explosion flew from my fingertips and then the screaming started. . .
"Dixie, no!" Astrid yelled. "It's The Kev and Gemma. Do not under any circumstance kill my friends."
Her friends? Shit. Did I just kill her friends?
"Amazing! This, the cousin of you has the power that is from one with the big balls!" The Kev, who looked alarmingly like Arnold Schwarzenegger, said. "Good aim and the trigger of the finger is impressive."
"Um, not sure I followed that, but are you okay? If I'd known you were Astrid's friends I wouldn't have tried to kill you," I mumbled apologetically. And why was everyone so concerned with my balls? Discreetly I checked again.
"Of course you wouldn't have," a crazily beautiful woman, who I assumed was Gemma, said kindly as she patted out the fire still dancing up her dress. "That was a Hell of a wallop of magic, dude." She grinned at me as she made her way to my cousin. She carried black raspberry chip ice cream along with chips and salsa. Sweet baby Satan. . .was she unaware that Astrid couldn't eat that?
I was powerful, but my cousin was slightly unhinged at the moment. I glanced frantically around the room and looked for cover. Astrid was nutty under normal circumstances, but flashing food in her face was sure to be ugly. She was pregnant, for Uncle God's sake. As I headed for a clump of bushes, I stopped dead in my tracks. The Kev was wearing a tutu, sparkly tights and a jog bra. Not to mention his scent was a mystery to me. The scent I would figure out, but his outfit. . .I wasn't so sure. Was he gay? I kind of thought he and Gemma were an item, but who would date a man in a woman's ballet costume?
"And may I ask why you have chosen the Teminator as your cover again?" Mother Nature asked grumpily. "Also, as much as I loathe saying it. . .thank you."
"You have the welcome from me," he replied to my grandma. He gave me a wink and I couldn't help but giggle.
"What are you?" I asked.
"I'm a Fairy."
"Oh, well that explains a lot," I said and then slapped my hand over my mouth. "I mean, I have no problem with homosexuality—at all. I think everyone's sexual preference is their own business and I'm impressed that you are so comfortable with your um. . .you know, and your outfit is very sparkly and fun," I stammered and wanted to die. The laughter in the room was mortifying. The Kev laughed the loudest.
"No, no, my little krumecaca. I am a Fairy, as in the magical being. I too have no problem with the homosexuality, but I can assure you that I am not gay."
"Amen to that," Gemma chimed in as she sat next to my cousin and scarfed down the ice cream.
"Sorry about that," I whispered, wondering if I could make a polite exit. I'd already put my foot down my throat. At the rate I was going I didn't want to find out if I could pull it out of my ass.
"She is so young," The Kev said as he took my hand. His touch was gentle, but I sensed he could be very dangerous if he didn't like you.
"I know," Mother Nature snapped. "And if that asswhacking floozy hadn't fallen down on her job. . ."
"Enough," The Kev ground out. Before my eyes he morphed into a man so beautiful I had to turn away. "How much damage can you do in a day?" he hissed, referring to the jungle.
"I'm leaving," she snapped. "While I enjoy disrespect, there's only so much one can take in a half hour."
In a blinding blast of glitter and sparks, Mother Nature made her exit.
"Son of a bitch." Ethan groaned as he slapped some overzealous monkeys out of the way. "She destroys my home, tells us the baby is coming soon, almost turns us to dust and just leaves?"
"Looks like it," Astrid said as she bit into her friend's wrist. She made little happy slurping sounds as she drank. Hades, my family was screwed up. I was also highly aware that Grandma was referring to my mother. At this point I was fairly sure I wanted nothing to do with my mother. She seemed like more trouble that all my relatives put together. Awesome.