Hell On Heels(50)

"Oh God, she's dead," one vapid girl shrieked and others followed suit.
Students sobbed and held each other. One had fainted and I was fairly sure one was about to get sick. Myrtle was getting a much better reaction here on Earth than she ever got in Hell. A super-cute guy had begun CPR and I could swear she smirked.
That was about all I could take.
“Excuse me,” I said as I pushed my way past the last mean girl.
“Watch it,” Blondie hissed. “Can’t you see there’s a dead girl? Show some respect, for God’s sake.”
“Like He’s ever shown me any,” I mumbled.
“What is wrong with you? Are you slow or something?” she asked, completely confused. She was as nasty as some of the ickier Demons in Hell.
“Aren’t you a sweetie.” I rolled my eyes and confused her even more. Hell’s Bells, I wanted to shut Blondie’s mouth so badly I felt my fingers tingle. I quickly clapped my hands. “She’s my cousin,” I informed the bitchy blonde. “And she’s not dead.”
“Yeah, right.” She and her attractive minions looked at me like I had three heads.
Myrtle wasn’t the only one I was going to deal with later. Blondie needed to learn some manners. I turned my back on the Meanies and gingerly pulled Cute Guy off of Myrtle. He seemed to be enjoying himself a little too much. I wasn’t sure if he was a necrophiliac or if he was simply a good Samaritan.
“She has narcolepsy.” They all stared at me blankly. For real? Hades, these mortals were slow. “You know, when you fall asleep without warning,” I enlightened the grieving crowd as I yanked the first explanation I could think of out of my ass. I have to say as far as lies went it was pretty good. The group of about thirty gasped and began to cheer. Where were the professors? Hell forbid one had called an ambulance. I was grateful no one with authority was in the vicinity. The students were still crying, but now they were high fiving, hugging and chest bumping as well. These humans were the weirdest and creepiest species ever.
Cute Guy shoved me out of the way and clasped Myrtle to his chest as crocodile tears of joy rolled down his unblemished cheeks.
“Wake up,” he yelled. “Wake up, Sleeping Beauty.” He shook her and glanced over at me suspiciously. “I think she’s dead.” He gulped hard and bit back the hysteria that was mighty close to the surface.
The crowd was no longer with me. They were torn between hoping she was alive and hoping she was dead. A death in the math-science hallway would mean no school for at least a week and automatic A's on finals for everyone. Actually, I couldn’t blame them. If I were in their shoes I’m not sure which way I’d go. Nevertheless, she wasn’t dead and Cute Guy was riding my very last nerve.
My lips thinned in irritation and it was everything I could do to keep my eyes from going red. Myrtle was going to pay. “Give her to me.” My stare drilled into Cute Guy and he reluctantly handed her over. She might not be dead now, but she was going to be so dead after I killed her so bad when we got home.
I pressed my lips to her ear. To the crowd of doubting co-eds, it looked as if I was whispering gentle endearments. They were very wrong.
“If you don’t open your eyes right now I will kill you myself,” I told her with a loving smile on my face for the benefit of our audience. “I will see to it that you end up in the Basement of Hell burning for eternity. I will visit you weekly and pour alcohol all over your open wounds and I will finish that off by dipping you in salt. And if that’s not enough, I’ll make sure you’re placed right next to our skanky hag therapist till the end of time.”
That did it.
Myrtle eyes shot open so fast I dropped her. Actually, I dropped her on purpose. Just for fun.
The crowd went wild and Cute Guy grabbed her and laid a big wet one right on her lips. She squealed, turned bright red, leaned in and gave Cute Guy another smackaroo. The cat calls and whistles came fast and furious. The good will and happiness amongst the jaded and over-it co-eds was contagious. Some of the girls even smiled at me. Maybe I wouldn’t kill Myrtle.
As quickly as it started it was over. We all scattered like mice when we heard it. Not the bell to change classes. . .the ambulance in the distance to retrieve the dead girl.

Chapter 20
 
"I'm a freakin' college graduate. This is ridiculous," I muttered.
"I like college. You just need to try harder."
"If Grandpa hadn't insisted I be there I'd be cutting classes like my dad wanted me to in Hell."
"Such a good little Demon," Myrtle said as she ransacked my closet for clothes.