The backyard is packed with people. Family members, neighbors, acquaintances. It feels like my mother put up a sign and everyone just showed up.
There are circus clowns, popcorn machines, hot dog carts, jugglers, a cotton candy machine. All that’s missing is the goddamn lion.
“What in the world did you guys do?” I hear Brenda ask.
Lilah is so excited, she jumps up and down yelling, “Surprise, Nan!” Her little hands clap out their excitement.
“It’s your very own carnival.” My mother looks at her, placing an arm around her shoulder. “It’s your happy place.”
Brenda also claps her hands in excitement. She doesn’t get much time to look around before people approach her with their well wishes.
I hear shrieks of laughter, giggles, and many, many ‘oh my gosh, you shouldn’t haves’ coming from Brenda. Bella stands right next to her the whole time. I look around the yard as my eyes land on Kendall’s.
I make my way to her standing beside the lemonade table.
“Hey.” I lean down to kiss her cheek. She places her hand on my chest, and it’s then I realize it was never supposed to be her. “You look nice.” And she really does.
“You look like you always do,” she says shyly. “I heard about Adam. I’m so sorry, Jackson.”
She was with me when I went through that whole thing. She saw the guilt eat at me. She felt me slipping away, felt me push her to the side.
I’m not sure what to say, so I say what she expects me to. “Thank you.” I turn to look around to see if I can spot Bella, and I find her sitting with Lilah on the grass near a clown making balloon animals.
“She makes you happy?” Her question breaks my trance.
“I never thought I deserved to be this happy.” I’m trying to find the right words, but I don’t get them out before I hear Thomas speaking to her. “Hey, baby, I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” He slings his arm around Kendall’s waist, and her eyes light up when she looks up at him.
“Hey, Thomas.” I reach out my hand to shake his.
“Ackson, Ackson, look, it’s a cat!” Lilah says, running to me with her animal balloon.
I bend down to pull her into my arms, and Bella walks up beside me, wrapping her arms around my waist. “Hey,” she says softly, and I lean down to kiss her on her head.
“Bella, right?” Kendall asks.
“Yes. Hi, we met once before. I brought over cookies,” Bella says.
An awkward silence grows until Lilah pipes in. “I so hunbry.”
We all laugh.
“Excuse us, you two. I gotta get my girls fed.” I smile at them and say, “It was nice seeing you.” I turn to walk away, but Bella smiles at them.
“We should have you two over one of these days. That would be fun.”
I think to myself that would not be fun at all.
Thomas, who is clearly not feeling the ‘hell no’ vibes both Kendall and I are throwing off, actually agrees with Bella. Giving them a polite nod, I pull my girls to the hot dog stand.
“I hope you realize that is never going to really happen,” Bella says quietly as we walk away.
I have no answer, but I am in full agreement, so I just laugh at her.
Chapter Fifty-Three
Bella
We walk into the house with Lilah passed out on Jackson’s shoulder. It’s way, way past her bed time.
She didn’t even open her eyes when I unbuckled her from the car seat. She is down and out for the count.
Making my way upstairs, I walk into her room, watching him place her on the covers. “Undress her or leave her?” She wore her best dress for her Nan today. It’s a long, flower print dress that matches her doll’s, with black ballerina shoes.
“Angel, the house could shake right now around her, and she wouldn’t notice.” We both lean down, kissing her goodnight before turning on the night light she sleeps with.
“I can’t believe we just left Brenda at her house without forcing our way in,” I tell him while taking off my shoes.
He looks at me with one eyebrow cocked up. “Angel, she said she would shoot me with my own weapon if I walked into her house.” He laughs and adds, “I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure she would do it, too.”
I let out a little laugh, rolling my eyes at him. “Like you can’t defend yourself.” I walk to him, placing my hands on his chest, getting up on my tippy toes. “You’re so big and strong.” I continue to joke with him.
He rubs my arms with his hands, and just the feel of his hands on me makes my heart beat faster each and every single time.
“I’ll show you big and strong.” He picks me up and my legs automatically wrap around his waist.