I look over my shoulder at the door, knowing Jackson's right on the other side of it waiting for me. "Jackson." I raise my voice a little to call out.
Just like I knew he would, Jackson opens the door and walks in with Lilah still wrapped around him like a monkey.
"Lilah." Brenda tries to open her eyes and sit up, but she moves too quickly and cries out in pain.
"Don't you move!" I practically yell at her.
"Ms. Brenda, you have big ouchies?" Lilah asks.
"No, little heart. I'm okay, this is nothing."
It doesn't surprise me Brenda tries to pretend this isn't a big deal. "Lilah, Ms. Brenda was very brave," I tell her.
"Braber dan Ackson?" she asks.
"Just as brave as Jackson. She loves us very, very much." I squeeze Brenda's hand, watching the tears now fill her eyes. "She loves you like Nan loved me." I turn to look at Brenda. "Right?"
Brenda doesn't say anything, instead just nods her head in agreement.
"I think it would be very special if from now on we call her Nan. So she knows we love her just as if she were our Nan." Looking at Brenda, I ask her, "Would that be okay?"
"I lobe you, Nan," Lilah says, not even giving her the chance to say no.
"I love you, too, little heart, so very, very much."
"Ackson, I have a Nan and a Nana," she tells him like she just discovered the secret to a Caramilk bar.
"That is because you are so very loved."
"She is. Now I'm just going to rest my eyes a bit, okay?" Brenda says.
"We should go, but I'll be back as soon as I can."
I bend down, placing a kiss on her hand because I can't reach her cheek.
Chapter Fifty-Two
Jackson
Two weeks have passed since that fateful day.
Our physical wounds are healing, but it's our emotional ones that cut the deepest. Those are going to take some time to heal.
Mom claimed Adam's body and had a funeral for him. Not wanting to upset us, she did it by herself.
But when Bella found out about it, she forced me to put on a suit and be the man she said she knew I was.
Even with the sun shining, I couldn't help but feel the sadness around us when we got to the cemetery.
I saw the coffin, white flowers lying on top of it, poised above the empty grave. But it was my mother who really got to me. Standing there alone beside her son's coffin, dressed all in black, head bowed, and crying.
I parked the car, and we got out. United as one family.
Me on one side, Bella in the middle, and Lilah holding her mother's hand.
As we approached the gravesite, my mom's head turned to us, the tears not stopping. We gathered around her, offering her the comfort of our presence. I may not have shared in her grief, but I held her hand as she said goodbye to her son.
It's not something I thought I would be able to do, but Bella said it wasn't for Adam, it was for my mother, and she was right.
Watching the coffin being lowered into the ground, I had an epiphany. With my heart beating hard and fast, I realized I couldn't save Adam. He didn't want to be saved. This was the freedom he was looking for all along.
But I did save someone. I saved Bella, and in doing so, she saved me. My mother spent the rest of the day with us, her family, soothing her pain by spending time with Lilah, the only piece of my brother she has left.
In the end, the only good that was left in him will live on. Together in my childhood home, we explained to Lilah that Adam was my brother. Something tells me she didn't really understand what we were saying because her only response was to look at me and ask, "You my daddy now, Ackson?"
Skirting around her question, no one really replied. My mother just wrapped her up in her arms and held her.
It's been a crazy two weeks since then. Not only did we close our case files on the missing kids, Mick was in his own personal hell.
While he was trying hard to give Marissa and Lori some space, she was widening that space. She was packing up to move.
Walking into the office last week and seeing Mick, his face white, his eyes bloodshot, I didn't know if it was from Jack Daniel's or from lack of sleep or a combination of the two.
"S'up," I said to him as I sat down to finish closing out all the files so I could take a nice, extended fucking vacation.
"She's leaving," he said, staring out the window at nothing. "She says they have to leave this place behind to heal."
I was about to say something to him when the phone on his desk rang. The caller ID indicated it was Sandie.
He didn't answer it. He just looked at it.
"I don't know what's going on, but if you really want what I think you want, you need to put things in order."
"Yeah, Jackson?" His voice void of emotion, he asked, "Like what?"
"I'm not telling you what to do, Mick. You need to figure that out all on your own. Just know"-I indicated toward the phone-"that is the cancer in your life." Pausing for a second to gather my thoughts, I looked him in the eye and told it to him straight. "A man knows heaven when he finds it. Now you know what heaven feels like. You also know what isn't heaven."
He shook his head, saying, "She doesn't want me."
"If you really think that, then let her walk away. But know this, you don't fight for her, you don't tell her where you are at, you'll let heaven slip through your fingers, and you'll always regret you didn't even try. But even more, man, you have to be free and clear to accept heaven. You need to cut that other one out, because no woman, especially one who is your heaven, will accept sharing you with someone who makes your life hell."
I continued laying it out for him, "You need someone who will fight for you, too. Fight just as hard as you fight for them. I don't know Marissa, but I do know she is a fighter. You just have to show her you are worth fighting for."
With that, he got up before I had a chance to say anything else and he walked out, leaving his phone behind.
Now I'm in the car, listening to Lilah talk about all the things her and Nan will do now that she is finally coming home.
The excitement over Brenda coming home has been contagious. My mother is planning a big welcome home and we love you so much BBQ.
She and Bella have gone crazy with the food and decorations. I'm afraid to see the end result.
We don't even make it two steps into the room before Brenda is on her feet, purse in hand, ready to leave. She takes one look at the wheelchair I'm pushing and glares at me. "Jackson Fletcher, don't make me hurt you."
She walks up to Lilah, grabbing her hand in hers. "Let's go party, little heart."
Bella leans into me, trying to hide her giggles. "I told you so," she says before she jogs to join the other two.
I pull into the driveway and look around. There is practically no parking.
I hear music coming from the backyard. Making our way into the backyard, I take in the scene. These two have lost their ever loving minds.
It's like we've walked into a fucking carnival. There are so many balloons, I feel like that guy in the movie Up.
The backyard is packed with people. Family members, neighbors, acquaintances. It feels like my mother put up a sign and everyone just showed up.
There are circus clowns, popcorn machines, hot dog carts, jugglers, a cotton candy machine. All that's missing is the goddamn lion.
"What in the world did you guys do?" I hear Brenda ask.
Lilah is so excited, she jumps up and down yelling, "Surprise, Nan!" Her little hands clap out their excitement.
"It's your very own carnival." My mother looks at her, placing an arm around her shoulder. "It's your happy place."
Brenda also claps her hands in excitement. She doesn't get much time to look around before people approach her with their well wishes.
I hear shrieks of laughter, giggles, and many, many ‘oh my gosh, you shouldn't haves' coming from Brenda. Bella stands right next to her the whole time. I look around the yard as my eyes land on Kendall's.
I make my way to her standing beside the lemonade table.
"Hey." I lean down to kiss her cheek. She places her hand on my chest, and it's then I realize it was never supposed to be her. "You look nice." And she really does.
"You look like you always do," she says shyly. "I heard about Adam. I'm so sorry, Jackson."
She was with me when I went through that whole thing. She saw the guilt eat at me. She felt me slipping away, felt me push her to the side.
I'm not sure what to say, so I say what she expects me to. "Thank you." I turn to look around to see if I can spot Bella, and I find her sitting with Lilah on the grass near a clown making balloon animals.
"She makes you happy?" Her question breaks my trance.
"I never thought I deserved to be this happy." I'm trying to find the right words, but I don't get them out before I hear Thomas speaking to her. "Hey, baby, I've been looking everywhere for you." He slings his arm around Kendall's waist, and her eyes light up when she looks up at him.