"Jackson," my mother starts, and I know she doesn't want to say his name, but she doesn't know how else to ask about him.
"We couldn't save him, Mom."
She nods her head while she cries silently next to me.
In the end, she's a mother who just lost her child. A child she never thought the worst of and tried to see the good. A child she brought into this world and raised. A child she thought she could save.
I wrap one arm around her shoulder, pulling her close to me while she cries on my shoulder.
"Nana, you sad?" Lilah asks her. The fact she called her Nana surprises us both.
"Only a little sad, my beautiful girl," she tries to reassure her.
The door opens and the doctor walks out. "Mr. Fletcher, Bella is awake and asking for you."
I get up, bringing Lilah with me, and follow the doctor into Bella's room. I'm holding my breath, bracing myself for the worst.
"She has heroin coursing through her body, and I'm not sure how much. She's on an IV to keep her hydrated as her body works to metabolize it and rid the drug from her system," the doctor advises. "She's got two stitches on her temple, but other than that, she'll be fine."
He turns and walks out of the room. I sit next to her on the bed, reaching out to hold her hand.
Her eyes flutter open, a bit surprised and confused.
"Jackson?" she whispers, blinking her eyes more in an effort to keep them open.
"I'm here, angel. I'm right here." I lean down to kiss her on her lips.
"You found me. You saved me just like I knew you would." She lifts her hand to touch Lilah's head. "Jackson found Momma. Isn't he the bravest?" She smiles at us with a tear running from the corner of her eye.
Lilah nods her head and looks up at me. "He da brafest of da whole world."
We both laugh at Lilah's "da whole world." I correct her, but she just shrugs at me.
Bella opens her arms so Lilah can crawl into them and hug her. "Momma, I so scared. Ms. Brenda went bye bye."
Bella immediately sits up in her bed. Her eyes fill with big tears that spill over. "I need to find her," she says, trying to get out of bed. "I have to be there with her." She is sobbing and trying to get out from under the covers I'm sitting on.
"Angel, she is going to be okay." As soon as I say those words, her body stills. "She lost a lot of blood and her spleen, but other than that, she is fine. I swear to you, angel, she's okay."
She looks at me as the tears continue rolling down her beautiful face, the emotions of the day-fear, loss, relief-clearly playing out on it.
"I have to see her," she whispers to me. "Please, take me to her."
"I don't know if I can make that happen, angel. You have to rest."
She shakes her head insistently. "I need to see her." She pushes the emergency button by her bed about fifteen times before a nurse races in the room.
Once she sees everything is all right, she jokes, "Where's the fire, hot stuff?"
Bella squares her shoulders, preparing to battle. "I called you." She sits up a bit taller, her voice stronger. "I need to go and see another patient here in the hospital."
The nurse looks at her like she has grown a second head. "You do realize you just suffered a trauma?" she asks while she walks over to the IV machine to check the bags.
"I have to see Brenda Barette. She came in earlier," Bella starts out loud but ends on a whisper. "Please."
The change of tone coming out of Bella causes the nurse to pause. "I'll be right back," she tells us and leaves the room.
"Jackson, you need to bust me out of this joint." She points at me. "You have a badge. You need to use it and tell them you are taking me."
I can't hold back my laughter. She is totally serious. The funny thing is I would do whatever she wanted me to do.
I don't have time to answer because the door opens and the nurse comes in pushing a wheelchair.
"Okay, this can totally get me fired, but I know if I don't do it, that hunk of a man will find a way to take you there without me," the nurse says while taking the IV bags off the stand to help Bella move off the bed.
"You do realize he's my boyfriend, right?" Bella tells her as she literally kicks me off the bed.
"Ouch!" I say as I rub the spot on my back where she landed her kick.
"Is that so? You and him are dating? It's not like I could tell from the loving looks of adoration he aims in your direction whenever he looks at you. Besides, my girlfriend, Sherry, is the one watching Brenda. So technically, you're doing me a favor," she says with a wink at Bella.
Bella is speechless. Her mouth is opening and closing, but no words are coming out. Never one to admit when she's wrong, she glares at me. "This is your fault. If you weren't such a hunky man, I wouldn't have to keep staking my claim over here."
I throw my head back with the force of one of the biggest belly laughs I've ever had. It is in this moment I know for certain my girl is going to be fine. She is fine. The thought I could have lost her again almost broke me. But even more upsetting, thoughts of what she could have-what she would have-endured will haunt me for quite a while.
Chapter Fifty-One
Bella
I settle into the wheelchair and ask Jackson to put Lilah on my lap. The nurse wheels me down a couple of hallways and stops at a room with the door closed.
I look at Jackson. "Can you take Lilah and let me go in alone for a few minutes?"
There are things I need to say, and I don't think I could do it with Lilah on my lap.
"Come here, princess. We're going to let Momma go see Ms. Brenda first. Then if she is up to it, we can go in after." Lilah wraps herself around him, laying her head in the crook of Jackson's neck.
The door opens, and on the bed in the middle of the room lies the woman who has been my rock since the first day she laid her eyes on me.
She is hooked up to so many different machines, I'm almost afraid to even touch her hand.
When I finally do reach for her hand and grasp it with mine, I see how pale it is, I feel how cold it is, and I am overwhelmed with how much this woman has been through for me. For us.
The minute I bring her hand to my lips, the sob I was holding comes rushing out.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so very sorry. I can't begin to thank you." My tears fall, hot and fast, landing on her hand. "You were so brave, and it was your strength in those hellish moments that got me through it. It was because of you I found the courage to do what needed to be done to keep Lilah safe. I'm just so sorry my courage and Lilah's safety came at such a high price for you." Another sob breaks free from me, making it hard to continue, but I take a few deep breaths, and I continue on. It's the least I can do.
"You love my little girl as if she were your own. I can't tell you how much it means to me that she has you and your love in her life, Brenda. It means more than I could ever find the words to explain. You love me unconditionally, with your whole heart, and other than my Nan, you're the only person who has loved me like this." I lay my head next to her hand. "I never said goodbye to her. I never got a chance to thank her for loving me like she did. But then I come home, a broken shell of a woman who had nothing but the love of a little girl." I bring the back of my hand to my face. "Then almost as if we were meant to meet you, you were there and took one look at me, at us, and instead of turning your nose up at us, you held out your hand and gripped mine. You never let go, Brenda, not once."
My breath is catching in my throat, and my words are punctuated with hiccups. "I'm a mother, so I know, I can recognize it. You love me like a mother loves a child. You love my daughter like a grandmother loves a grandchild. You love us so much that you didn't hesitate to put yourself between us and our monster, to put your life on the line for ours. I know why you did it, but I'm so mad you did that." I lick my lips and continue, "You can't leave us now. You can't leave your little heart. Please, Brenda. Please don't go."
I lay my head back down on the bed next to her, and I break down. I cry for her, the woman who I consider a friend, the woman who is the only maternal figure I have left in my life, and I cry for the woman I pray will be here by my side, guiding me and cheering me on.
I feel fingers in my hair, and at first I think it's my imagination until I hear a whispered, "Don't cry, Bella."
I raise my head to see the eyes of the woman I just poured my heart out to. "Oh my God, oh my God. My God, Brenda." I wipe my nose and try to stand, but my legs are still like jelly from the drugs in my system.
"Was … " She tries to speak, but she's so weak, it's a bit of a challenge for her. " … so scared. Little heart?"
This woman went through the same terrifying experience as we did, but she was the one who was shot. She lost a lot of blood and had to have major surgery. She just woke up in the hospital, and the first thing she asked wasn't what happened or where she is, but how Lilah is.