“Umm, she has her room, but she likes to sleep in bed with me. She’s growing out of it.” She walks past me up the stairs, so I follow.
“I slept with my mother and father until I was eight, maybe nine.” I laugh, thinking about my father complaining every single night when he couldn’t get comfortable.
Making my way into her room, I see she has already changed the covers to the new ones she bought yesterday. Little touches here and there show me she is making it her home.
She takes off the million throw pillows she has on the bed, turning down the cover. I place Lilah in the middle of the bed, then pick up a couple of throw pillows, placing them on the sides of the bed just to make sure she can’t fall off.
Once I see she is safe and secure, I make my way out of the room. I hear Bella following behind me.
“Thank you for today. She had a great time. It was her first time playing in sand.”
I turn to look at her. I’m two steps below her, which makes me even in height with her.
“Anytime she wants to play in the sand box, you can bring her over.”
“I don’t want to intrude. I’m going to see if there is a park around here, maybe take her there.”
I grab her hips in my hands. Her body starts to shake. “I will never, ever hurt you.” I don’t move my hands off her. “I will never, ever hurt her. I would die before I let anything happen.”
“You don’t know anything about us.” She pushes my hands off her hips.
“I don’t need to know anything about you to make that promise. I’d do anything to make sure you two were safe. Now I’m going to leave before we say things out of anger.”
I turn to walk away, knowing if I stay, shit will fly out of my mouth.
“I’m broken. Your mother is right. You can’t save me, and you can’t heal me. I have one goal in my life now, and it’s to make sure Lilah knows what love is. Unconditional love. The kind of love that fills her heart and she feels in her soul. The kind of love where she feels cherished and protected and never, ever on guard. The kind of love where they accept her just as she is so she never has to be someone she isn’t. That is my goal.” She starts to walk past me, but I grab her arm, turning her toward me.
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m not saying anything will happen between us, but from now on, my goal is to make sure that you both have that.” She opens her mouth to say something, but I place my finger on her lips before she can say anything. “Good night, Bella. Sweet dreams, see you tomorrow.” I walk out the door.
I’m halfway across the street before I hear the telltale signs of the lock clicking. She’s letting me know she is locking me out. Little does she know, though, I’ve just accepted the challenge she dished out.
Chapter Fourteen
Bella
Turning off the shower, I take a second to listen to see if Lilah is up. I finally dozed off at around five when the sun was coming up, but my dreams were so vivid again. I didn’t want a repeat.
Drying myself off with the big, cushiony white towel, I run my hand through the fog coating the mirror.
It’s the first time I really look at myself. My cheeks are still a bit hollow, but my skin has some color to it again. My hair is clean and shiny, but the biggest change is my eyes. It’s no wonder what a month of healing can do.
They are the eyes of my past. The eyes I had before the nightmare began. My blue eyes aren’t shinning with light. You can still see the sorrow, the pain. But I also see determination in them.
I didn’t recognize the girl who stared back at me the last few years, but little by little, I’m starting to see an older, wiser version of the girl I once was. Too bad it took losing myself in order to fight for myself.
“Mommmmmmmmmaaaaaa, Mommmmmmmmaaaa,” Lilah screams, making me bolt into the room. I see her sitting in the middle of the bed surrounded by the throw pillows Jackson put all around her last night.
“Hey there, pretty girl. What’s with all this noise this morning?” I gather her up in my arms.
“I fink you leabe me.”
“Never. I will never leave you. You know that, stinky face.” I kiss her nose. “Now let’s go brush your teeth and then see what we can make for breakfast.”
I quickly drop her on the stool, putting toothpaste on her toothbrush, and go to get myself dressed.
The bruises are finally gone, so I’m going to wear shorts and a tank top. At least I won’t melt today. The last couple of days with the long pants and the long sleeves, I thought I was going to faint a couple times a day.
The day runs smoothly with just the two of us. Brenda has passed by earlier to let us know she’s going to visit a friend a couple of towns over and will be back late tonight or maybe tomorrow, she hasn’t decided yet.