Hearts on Fire 6: Healing Sophia(14)
Mateo had screwed her up so badly with the abuse, the cheating, and the lies. And, then, to actually brand her with a metal letter M as a show of ownership and possession was sick. He didn’t love her like she’d thought she loved him. She was nothing. She was also lucky that Jeremy had turned out to be working undercover instead of truly being Mateo’s top leader in his gang of shit. That had been a shocker, but he’d saved her from getting raped. Or maybe he hadn’t. Maybe she had been so drugged up from what Mateo and Deavan had given her after branding her that she didn’t remember. She might never know, but assuming the worst made giving her body to another man impossible. To four? No freaking way.
She wasn’t out of trouble yet. She might never truly be free from Mateo unless he and Deavan were dead. Until that day, and until she had concrete proof they were both dead, she would remain on her own, holding onto the evidence she had in her head. She would never step foot in Chicago, the city that had nearly killed her.
“About twenty minutes more, sugar. You holding up okay?” Tank asked her.
“All good. How is it looking?”
“You can’t see the M anymore, sweets, and by the time I’m finished, you won’t be able to find it yourself. Just remember, I asked for a full-body picture of this tattoo.”
“I remember, and I’ll do it for you. So don’t worry.”
“Ah, another plus to tattooing one sexy, fine piece like you.”
She chuckled low. Tank had been hitting on her since day one, but that was just his style. For a guy as big and bulky as he was—with his burly hair and beard, tattoos, and a mean expression—he had the softest, most delicate touch. But she would never forget his artistic talent and his calm, sweet understanding when she’d showed him what she needed to get rid of. He understood.
“Focus, Tank. I’m hoping to be in the sun by next week.”
“You will be, and maybe you can pick a nice stretch of beach down the block from here, specifically where I take my lunch? That way I get to see this sexy, curvy body of yours in a string bikini,” he said. The buzzing sound continued, and her skin ached and burned.
“I doubt it. Hey, I thought you were kind of seeing that cute redhead that’s always showing up with drinks for you.”
“Cindy? Ahh, she’s cute and all, but kind of young. Besides, she’s really scared of Hector.”
“Of Hector? Why? He’s so nice,” she said about his brother. One thing she learned about living in Treasure Town was that there were a lot of ménage relationships. In fact, she had become friendly with some of the women involved in such relationships, and they were thrilled. Some of them knew Lew and his team because of their friends. In fact, she was going to meet Frankie and go bikini-shopping this Friday.
“I don’t know, but she needs to get over that fear if we’re ever going to work out dating her.”
“Oh, so you’re into the whole sharing thing too, huh?”
“You sound disgusted with the idea.”
“Me? No, not so much disgusted as I am uninterested, for me at least.”
“Why is that? I’ve seen the men that hit on you. Hell, just yesterday while you were waiting for me to get started, Brooks and his buddy were asking you out.”
“I know. I’m not interested.”
He was quiet for a moment.
“Just out of curiosity, is it because of whatever happened to you and how you got this mark on your body, or is it just you’re more traditional when it comes to men and dating one at a time?”
She took a deep breath and exhaled.
“Honestly, I think it would be different if I were normal.”
“Normal? What’s not fucking normal about you? I mean, besides the fact you have a hell of a fucking body and the biggest—”
“Tank!”
He cleared his throat. She knew he was going to say breasts. She wasn’t exactly petite, except for her feet, a size five. Her ass was big too, but she had an hourglass figure, and sometimes, in today’s fashion, having tits and ass of any decent size seemed unattractive. She’d never found skin and bones attractive.
“You know what I mean. You’re fucking gorgeous, have an amazing body, gorgeous dark blue eyes, luscious lips, and are so sweet and smart. If a couple of guys, brothers, close friends wanted to commit to you and share you, provide for you, and take care of you in every sense, why would you not jump at the opportunity? Is it because of society?” he asked. She wondered if he wanted to know because he was thinking about Cindy, hoping she would come around and accept his brother Hector.
“Like I started to say, if I were normal, the bad things that happened to me had never happened, and two men—who were kind, caring, and truly into me—wanted to share me, make me theirs, and commit to me entirely, then yes. I would consider it. I’ve learned the hard way that life is just too short to not take chances, to do things your heart says are right, even if other people around you say they’re wrong. I would do anything to feel safe and secure. To be loved by one man, never mind multiple, in that way. But I’m not someone who is capable of doing that. Not after everything that’s happened. Not now, anyway. I’m just taking every day, one at a time.”
“Damn, Sophia, I wish I could strangle the fuckers that hurt you. Who knows? Maybe it will just take the right man or men to prove to you that you deserve to be loved.”
She swallowed hard. This was a deep conversation to be having with her new tattoo artist friend. But Tank was so easy to talk to.
“So what will you do about Cindy? Maybe ask Hector to be a little bit calmer and approachable with her and try to get to know her, too?”
“I don’t know. I’ve tried talking to him. He’s had some problems in the past. Got into some trouble a few years back. He paid for it. Served six months in jail. But I think it makes him feel like he isn’t good enough. I don’t know.”
She exhaled and completely understood Hector’s thinking. When she looked at Cerdic, Andreas, Gideon, and Lew, she thought the same thing, especially when other women flirted with them or checked them out. How could she open up her heart—her body—to four men and take such a chance, especially when she didn’t even know if two men had raped her that night? To not remember a thing, only bits and pieces in her nightmares, didn’t prove anything. In fact, it made her fear worse. She saw images of their hands, their fingers, touching her, trying to arouse her body, but she’d been in so much pain, and then the drugs made her lose her mind.
The tears filled her eyes, and then Tank whispered, “It’s all done, sweetness, and I must say—you need to show this baby off. It’s my best work ever.”
He pulled over the mirror and then helped her to sit up.
She pushed her shorts to the top of her panties and then down on one side of her other thigh so she could look at the full tattoo. Lifting up her shirt to the cup of her breast, she stared at the flowering cherry blossom. As she squinted and looked closely, Tank appeared with a smaller mirror. He moved it so she could see and not have to let go of her clothing.
“Can you see the M?” he asked.
She stared at the tattoo, precisely where the M had been, but it had now turned into this intricate, beautiful design where no one could ever see the terrible, abusive act again.
“It’s gone,” she whispered as the tears filled her eyes and slowly leaked down her cheeks.
He squeezed her shoulder and smiled.
“Sure is, gorgeous. If this doesn’t get you to move on with your life and open up your heart, I’m not sure what will.”
She nodded and then wiped her eyes.
“Grab your camera, Tank. I’m ready.”
He smiled, and then she adjusted her clothes slightly as he set up his camera, prepared to take some photos.
Until I was broken, I didn’t know what I was made of. I’ve spent these last months thinking about all the wrong in my life and how I survived but also keep thinking about the fears in knowing they’re still out there and could come for me at any time. But I can’t live my life this way. I can’t let the past dictate my future. It’s time to rebuild myself. This time, I’m going to be stronger. I survived it all, and this is my second chance at life.
* * * *
“I found her,” Gideon stated into the cell phone.
Lew had gone by the realty office where she had been working part time and they said she had the day off. She hadn’t told them. In fact, she had been distancing herself from them since the night they all kissed and things got a little wild. Of course her days were busy, as she had started working for the real estate agency in town and handled all the bookkeeping as well as organizing vacation rentals. She was exhausted when she got home.
“Where?” Lew stated into the cell phone.
“The tattoo parlor. The one where people can watch tattoo artists working. Wait, I think she’s coming out. Should I appear or what?”
“No, we’ll talk to her about it tonight,” Lew said and ended the call.
Gideon watched her walk down the street toward the deli, and she was smiling. Then he spotted Frankie, Serefina, and Michaela. They were obviously meeting for lunch, and as they hugged Sophia hello, he felt happy for her for making some friends. But then his heart ached and the fear that she couldn’t love them or accept them as her lovers, her men, tugged at his heart. He’d never felt like this, and he wondered what more he and the guys could do to make her see that she was indeed special and could trust them with her heart and her soul?