Heart of the Raven(16)

       
           



       

She tucked it under her chin and pictured her grandfather sitting on the  front stoop of his run-down old house, carving the turtle with the  knife he sharpened with a whetstone. She could still hear the raspy  sound of the blade across the stone. She could see him test the blade  against his thumb, smell the scent of the wood as he whittled and  carved, all the while talking to her about his past, the lessons  learned, her mother.

Cassie had a box of small wooden carvings, her grandfather's and hers.  Pieces of her past, her way of staying sane and keeping memories alive  when there was no one else to share that part of her life with. No blood  relative that she knew of. No best friend for life because she'd moved  so much.

She wanted a family. She wanted ties that bound. Because of that she  knew she was vulnerable to Heath and Danny in a way she never had been  before.

Now she just had to figure out what to do about it.





Ten




Heath walked to the top of the driveway and eyed the long, bumpy road,  now cleared of brush. Danny slept in his arms, having fallen asleep  during their fifteen-minute walk around the property. Four men with  chainsaws had spent the better part of the day getting rid of the  overgrowth and hauling it away. The silence now soothed Heath,  especially since his talkative mother was gone, too.

Which sounded harsh, he realized, when he'd actually enjoyed her more  this time than ever before. He'd appreciated her spirit, her zest for  life, her dive-right-in attitude. And his father had spoken up more. He  and Heath had taken walks around the property, identifying what should  be trimmed. He'd forgotten how much his father knew about such things.

But now Heath was waiting for Cassie. Although she'd come twice to visit  during the week his parents had been there, he hadn't spoken to her  alone, although he'd tried and she'd resisted, kindly but firmly. He'd  started to push her a little until he saw something in her eyes that  made him stop. She seemed nervous-or scared, he wasn't sure which.

So he made up reasons to call her at work, and she kept each  conversation short and businesslike, except for a softening in her voice  when she asked about Danny. And while she'd been sociable to his  parents, she'd been aloof, too.

Or maybe just self-protective.

A complicated woman, Cassie Miranda. He'd caught her once-just  once-watching him with what could only be called lust in her eyes. He'd  just made a wish and blown out his birthday candles at an impromptu  fortieth birthday party his parents put together. He'd looked at her,  the object of his wish, and she'd looked back, as if his parents weren't  there. As if they were a normal man and woman with normal attraction.  Dream on.

He'd called her as soon as his parents announced they were leaving,  hoping he wouldn't have to go over her head again to get her to return  to … him. The job. But she'd said she would be back after work that  evening, with no hesitation at all.

Heath turned to go back into his house when he heard a car heading up  the driveway. Cassie. Adrenaline rushed through him, jump-starting his  heart, his lungs, his muscles, and everything else that mattered.

Danny stirred as Heath went to meet her at the car.

"You got your forest tamed," she said, after reaching for her briefcase.

She smelled good. Not like perfume but something totally unique. Maybe  just her shampoo. Whatever it was, he wished he could wallow in it.  "It's just the beginning," he said calmly, as if he didn't want to sweep  her into his arms and kiss the daylights out of her. "The crew will be  back later to finish the rest of the property."

"That's great. How's my Danny Boy?" she asked, bending over him and  giving him a kiss. He turned his head toward her. Heath almost did the  same.

"He survived his first week of Grammy Crystal."

Cassie grinned. "And you?"

"I need meat."

"Groceries are in the trunk."

He passed Danny to her, not trying to avoid touching her as he had in  the past. He wanted to touch. Needed to. She kept her focus on the baby,  not giving Heath a hint about her feelings, but he didn't believe it  was just a job to her anymore.

As he got the food and her belongings out of the car he watched her walk  toward the house, her face close to Danny's as she whispered to him.  They met up in the kitchen, where he set down her suitcase and garment  bag so that he could put away the groceries.

"How's he been sleeping? Any pattern emerging?" Cassie asked.

"He likes Letterman," Heath said.

"Yeah? Me, too. I'll take that shift. Otherwise, what does he do?"                       
       
           



       

"He's been taking a bottle every three hours, pretty regularly. As for  sleep-you never know. The last couple of days he's had a crying jag  between four and seven in the evening." He glanced at his watch. A half  hour to go. "Nothing seems to help. Even Mom couldn't get him to stop."

"Do you put him in his crib and let him cry or do you hold him?"

"Both. It's all guesswork, still. Are we having steak for dinner?"

She nodded. "And salad and baked potatoes."

"Thank you for coming back."

"You were that desperate for steak?"

He didn't know what to make of the distance she was keeping, physically  and with her choice of words. For her to joke after he thanked her-well,  it wasn't like her.

She shifted Danny into a new position, so that his head was tucked  between her shoulder and neck. He looked so tiny that way, curled into  her.

"Why are you avoiding looking at me?" he asked.

She closed her eyes briefly, then got up from the bar stool and walked  to a window. The blinds were raised, as they had been since the first  time she'd opened them more than a week ago.

"I don't trust myself," she said after a minute.

"With me?"

She nodded. He came up behind her, not touching her, but the proximity alone arousing him.

He asked the question that had been on his mind all week. "How much of it is me, and how much is Danny?"

"You're a package."

"You can't separate it out?"

"Do you mean would I be attracted to you without Danny?"

"Yeah."

"We wouldn't have met without Danny."

"That's not an answer."

"Heath," she said, a smile in her voice, "I think between us we have  enough issues to keep a psychologist on retainer full-time."

He agreed. "All right, Cassie. We won't talk about it."

"How did your interview with the woman from the nanny agency go?" she asked.

"Fine." He hadn't told the woman to send candidates. He wasn't ready. Not to have a nanny there, and not to give up Cassie.

She turned around, a slight smile on her face. He couldn't do it,  couldn't not touch her, not kiss her. Maybe it was better that they get  this out of the way. If she felt she couldn't stay, so be it. He  wouldn't force her.

"Cassie."

Her brows lifted.

He cupped her face. He felt her pull Danny a little closer to her.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

He kissed her, not hard, not long, but enough to make the point that it  was no simple greeting from friend to friend. Then just when she leaned  into him he backed off. He had his answer. "I missed you," he said.

She swallowed. "I missed you, too."

The phone rang. The caller ID said Private Party, which he usually let  go to the answering machine, but he grabbed it and said hello, his mood  upbeat. He brushed a hand over Danny's silky hair. Every day his world  got a little better, a little brighter.

"Heath?"

The voice was female and hesitant. "Eva?" He locked gazes with Cassie. "Where are you?"

"At a friend's house. I just wanted … I was wondering how the baby is."

"He's fine. He's beautiful. Do you-" he forced the words "-want to see him?"

"No. I- No."

"Where are you living? How can I get in touch with you?"

"Heath … "

"What?"

Silence. Heath waited for as long as he could stand it.

"Are you sure you want to give him up, Eva?"

"I'm sure."

She hung up before he could coax an address out of her, but not before  he heard the hitch in her voice. He cradled the receiver, left his hand  on it.

"You are a good man," Cassie said.

"What makes you say that?"

"You asked if she was sure."

"Some people would argue that I was just looking out for my own interests."

"Some people didn't see your face. Didn't see you look at Danny. Didn't  know what it would cost you to give him up, even part-time."

He shrugged. He didn't want a medal, just a chance to be a father again.  A more involved one. One Danny could count on to keep him safe.  Forever.



Cassie stepped into the shower late that night and closed her eyes.  Exhaustion settled in her bones. She'd sent Heath to his office to work  while Danny cried his little heart out for his four o'clock to seven  o'clock cry time. Even itsy bitsy spider hadn't helped, sung quietly in  his room with his door shut.