“Why the FBI? Were you in some kind of trouble?” Maddie questioned, her voice still full of doubt and confusion.
He sat back on the couch, resting his head against the leather. “Not me. Not really. You know my history, Maddie. You know my father died of an overdose and that he had connections to organized crime.”
“Yes,” she nodded. “You told me. He died soon after we met.”
“I knew things. Things that could help take the whole organization down. My father was not a nice man. I ran interference between the old man and Simon, doing whatever I had to do to keep the old bastard from hurting my little brother. I was underage when I ran errands and did other things under duress, so I wasn’t really in trouble. But I also knew enough to help take down a worldwide organization that was pure evil.” He took a deep breath and blew it out before he continued. “I came here to Tampa just hoping to get my family away, to start a new life and just leave that life behind. But once I met you, I knew I couldn’t bury all of my past and just run, pretend I didn’t know things. I wanted to be a good man, and a decent person wouldn’t be selfish enough not to try to prevent the pain and death caused by this organization. I had to do what I could take the bastards down. I went to the Feds around December and fed them information, worked with them to help the investigation. It took months, but they finally got agents on the inside and enough information to bring the whole thing tumbling down. Unfortunately, information got leaked that I was a snitch, and that made me and anyone I cared about a target. Kate helped me realize I couldn’t afford to be close to anyone. I was a dangerous person to know.”
“I would have stayed with you, done whatever-”
“And you could have wound up dead. I couldn’t take that chance.” He sat up, grasping Maddie by the shoulders, shaking her lightly. “I didn’t even get my mother and Simon out in time. Simon was stabbed by someone in the organization, a payback for my father being disloyal. Those were people who killed without a thought. They didn’t give a shit about any human life. Do you understand?” he growled, his emotions ready to explode from his body. Perspiration poured down his face, a reaction he had every time he thought about what had happened to Simon and what could have happened to Maddie.
“What happened to Simon wasn’t your fault, Sam,” Maddie answered quietly, her voice soothing.
“Bullshit! I was his big brother. I should have gotten him out sooner. I should have known they’d take revenge on whoever was available.” Releasing Maddie, he slumped back on the couch.
“You were barely an adult yourself. How could you have known?”
“I should have known. I’d seen these people in action since I could walk,” he answered softly, dangerously.
“Why didn’t you find me later? After the whole thing ended?” Maddie queried, her voice tremulous.
“It took over a year until every branch of the organization was closed down. My mother, Simon and I were under FBI protection here in Tampa until every boss was behind bars or dead,” he answered, his voice low and thoughtful.
“But after that, why didn’t you find me?”
“I did.” Sam clenched his fists, hating to think about the day he had gone to find her. He’d already known he had lost her, but that particular day was the time that it really sunk in, that he had to admit to himself that his Maddie was gone forever.
“I never saw you again,” she answered, confused.
“I saw you. This time it was me who had to see you with another man with his tongue down your throat.” He frowned, his face fierce. “I tracked you down on campus, but some dark-haired guy who looked like a jock was all over you. I thought you looked happy. He looked like he came from money and could make you happy. You’d moved on with your life and I couldn’t blame you for finding someone better.” Fuck. That hurt.
“Lance,” she whispered. “We started dating a little over a year after what happened. You should have talked to me.”
“Why? All it would have done is screwed up your life. I didn’t have a fucking thing to offer, Maddie. I was barely out of danger from a lengthy FBI involvement. Broker than shit from trying to support my family. Simon was going to school. I stopped so he could study. Once he was old enough to work part-time I went back to finish my own degree. You had a guy who looked like a much better option than me back then.” Maddie would never know how hard it had been to walk away, to leave her in the arms of another man. But Kate had been right when she said if you really care about someone you do what’s best for them. “Had I known that he was a bastard who wasn’t going to marry you and who treated you poorly, I would have taken you away from him in a fucking heartbeat. I assume that he was the one sexual relationship you mentioned? That guy was the son of a bitch who told you that you weren’t sexy?” God, what he wouldn’t do to have his hands around the asshole’s neck right now. He hated himself for leaving his precious Maddie in the care of someone who didn’t deserve her.