“You’re a damn liar. You don’t want to marry me or even fund my clinic. This is some kind of sick, twisted joke. And I don’t understand why.” Tears spilled from her eyes, eyes that were full of hurt and confusion.
“Goddamn it, Maddie.” He swung her up into his arms. She kicked and twisted until he wrapped his arms around her, holding her immobile. “It’s not a fucking joke. I’m not twisted. Much.” Okay…maybe he was a little, but not about this, not about her.
Angry, he carried her to the living room, fuming. Dumping her on a roomy leather couch, he came down on top of her, restraining her flailing hands by holding her wrists above her head.
His chest heaving, Sam looked at her face, keeping most of his weight from her smaller frame with his legs. Tears were streaming from her eyes, an endless river that didn’t seem to be stopping. Fuck! “Please don’t cry, Maddie.” I can’t handle it when she cries. She’s had too much disappointment and pain in her life already. Knowing he was the source of her tears, no matter how unintentional, nearly killed him.
She turned her face away from him. “Let go. I want to leave.”
“The offer was sincere, Maddie. I’m not sure why you think I’d play that kind of game with you, but I have no reason to do that. Think about it. It makes no sense.” He sighed, frustrated.
She turned her head and nailed him with a searching look. “About as much sense as you asking me to marry you. We hate each other-”
“You hate me. I don’t hate you. I never have,” he rasped, trying to squelch the barrage of emotions pounding at him.
“You didn’t want to fuck me, either. And you didn’t even respect me enough to break up with me before you fucked her. I cared about you, Sam. And seeing you with that woman made a mockery of everything we ever shared. Our friendship. Our relationship. Everything was just one big joke on me.” She yanked at her hands, and Sam released her, sitting up to give her space since she appeared calmer.
“Maddie, I-”
“So excuse me if I think this is just another twisted lie, but I don’t trust you. With good reason,” she finished, running a shaky hand through her hair to thrust back her wayward curls from her face, her face still damp from spent tears. “I need to leave. Can you take me to the clinic to pick up my car?”
“No. You’re staying. The rehearsal is starting in a few hours,” he insisted, his jaw clenched. “You didn’t give me an answer on my proposal.”
“Because I don’t think it’s really necessary, but if you want one…then the answer is no. Hell no. Absolutely not,” she gasped. “You broke my heart once. How stupid do you think I am? Unless you can give me a damn good reason why you were sucking tongue with that tall, skinny, beautiful woman all those years ago-”
“Because I didn’t have a goddamn choice,” he shouted hoarsely, the explosion coming from deep inside his body. “I had to get you away from me so you didn’t get hurt. That woman, who was at least fifteen years older than me, was a fucking FBI agent. Did you even look at her?” He shuddered, his emotions close to the surface, unable to remember that nightmare day without nearly flying into a frustrated rage.
“All I remember is that she was pretty and she had her tongue down your throat. And your hands were all over her,” Maddie answered, her voice uncertain, sad with remembered pain.
“She was good at her job. We were meeting to try to find a way to protect you. That’s why I asked you to come and meet me for coffee. Kate said the best way to protect you was to alienate you, but I couldn’t do it. I cared too damn much. She told me if I really cared about you, I’d worry about your safety first. She was right, but I didn’t know how to walk away from you, even though I knew somehow I had to so I would know you were safe. So when she saw you coming, she did it herself by shoving her tongue down my throat. She convinced me that making you hate me was the way to save you, so yeah, I played into it. I didn’t know whether to thank her or hate her fucking guts afterward. I hated having my hands on a woman who wasn’t you, Maddie. I hated it while it was happening, knowing you were watching and feeling betrayed. And if you think I haven’t lived with the regret of having to do that every fucking day since it happened…you’d be wrong.” Sam sat next to Maddie and buried his face in his hands, still hating himself for what had happened, but knowing that it had been the only way. Back then, he had been young and selfish, unable to push Maddie away because he wanted her too badly, needed her too much. And she was so loyal that she never would have left him unless she thought herself betrayed. “I didn’t want to hurt you, but the thought of something happening to you made me so crazy that I did what I had to do.”