She saw Hawk by the tree, its gnarled branches a perfect backdrop for the gloominess of the day. His gaze held desire, tenderness, and sympathy. Nodding to him, she turned her head away. I’m sorry, Hawk. I know I owe you an explanation, but I just can’t deal with anything right now. I know I’m avoiding you by hiding out at my parents’ house, but I can’t be a part of your world anymore. Our worlds are too different. I miss you terribly, but it’s for the best that we go our separate ways. I’m sorry, Hawk. So sorry.
She slid over the hearse’s cold, leather seats to make room for her family, looking out the window at the snow-covered graves. The mausoleums and statues lent an air of desolation to the scenery. As snow flurries swirled down from the sky, the limousine began its retreat from the cemetery. Cara stared at Hawk and their eyes locked for a heartbeat. As the limo passed, Hawk blew her a kiss.
* * *
The cemetery had been empty for a long while as Hawk stared at the newly dug grave. During the burial, he stood in the back, watching Cara. Since that night, she had withdrawn from him. He respected that she needed time with her family to grieve the loss of her beloved cousin and to come to terms with the fact that Eric had bestowed so much sorrow on so many lives. Hawk decided early on he would give her space. He was hurt she didn’t seek him out for comfort, but he knew she needed to be with her parents. Eight days had passed since Eric’s murder.
I miss my sweet wildcat. My bed is empty without her warm body and ass pressed against my cock. I need to fuck her. I miss our conversations and bantering. I need her on the back of my bike. Fuck, I miss her bad. I need to talk to her so we can get back on track.
Reaching down, Hawk picked up one of the red rose petals Cara had strewn over Eric’s grave. Rubbing it against his cheek, its softness felt like her caresses on his face. He knew she hurt, but he hurt as well, wishing like hell he could have been there to save Cara from all the pain and humiliation she’d endured in the shack that night. She relied on him to keep her safe and protected, and he’d fucking failed her. It was something he’d have to live with for the rest of his life. All he wanted was to hold her and tell her it would get better. He needed her in his life, and he had no intention of letting her go.
Placing the rose petal in his pocket, Hawk walked out of the cemetery, the snow crunching under his boots.
Chapter Thirty-Two
“Cara, you’re going to have to join the living again,” Sherrie said as she sat cross-legged on Cara’s bed.
“I know,” Cara muttered.
“It feels so weird sitting on your bed in your old bedroom like we used to do in high school when we’d spend all that time talking about guys.”
Cara nodded. She didn’t feel like talking, but Sherrie was right about having to get back out in the world.
“Speaking of guys, what’s going on with Hawk?”
“Nothing. It’s over.”
“Over? Why? I thought he made you happy. You know, girl, you were happy when you and Hawk were an item.”
Cara shrugged. “It’s over. Things don’t last forever.”
Sherrie took one of Cara’s hands, gripping it. “Cara, I know you’re hurting about Eric. I loved him, too. We all had some crazy fun over the years, but the Eric you and I knew wasn’t the dark Eric that took over his life.”
“I just need some time, Sherrie. Leave it alone.”
“I won’t because I know you’ll go deeper inside yourself, and for what? Hawk has been calling me several times a week asking about you. He said you won’t answer his phone calls or texts, and you haven’t been to the office. You at least owe him an explanation.”
“I know,” she whispered. “On another note, Jax is out of the hospital, and he’s doing great. I went to see him a few times. Kylie keeps me informed.”
Sherrie shook her head. “It’s useless to talk to you. You’re so damn stubborn. When you make up your mind, there’s no changing it.”
“Then don’t try.”
“I think you’re making a big mistake. I hate to see you sabotage yourself. I care about you.”
“I know you do, Sherrie, but if I’m making a mistake, it’s my problem, okay?”
Sherrie leaned over and hugged her best friend. “I’m there for you, no matter what. It’s okay, because when you’re ready, you’ll know.”
* * *
I’ll never understand women. When I think I got ’em figured out, they do shit like Cara’s doing. I don’t know what I did to her. I told her to keep her ass in the clubhouse that night. She didn’t listen, and all kinds of shit happened. Damn, why didn’t she stay at the clubhouse? She won’t return my calls, won’t even speak to me. What the fuck did I do to piss her off like that? I’ve given her space, but it’s been a month, and I’m done with waiting for her to come around. I miss her too much. Fuck, that’s why I never wanted any attachments, because you just get burned in the end.
Hawk thought about Cara all the time; he couldn’t believe how she had taken over his thoughts, his heart, and his life. He couldn’t imagine his life without her. When he saw her half-naked and trembling in front of Viper, his cock in her mouth, Hawk went ballistic. His one regret was that he didn’t kill the motherfucker; however, his boot-stomping made Viper impotent, something that pleased Hawk to no end. If he ever saw that fucker again, he would kill him without any hesitation. Although, he figured he wouldn’t be seeing Viper any time soon, since he was in federal prison awaiting trial on a slew of charges, among them sex-trafficking, first-degree murder, and aiding and abetting.
Hawk learned from CBI that Viper and the others wouldn’t see the free world again. Hawk knew the Nomads would be lucky if they made it six months in prison. Through the outlaw grapevine, Hawk learned Reaper promised punishment for the Nomads for holding out on all that money and for double-crossing the other chapters. Viper would get what he deserved.
“You still sulking?” Banger asked as he slid on the bar stool next to Hawk.
Hawk glared at him, threw back a shot of whiskey, and then motioned for Jerry to bring him another. “Jerry’s close to getting patched in. He’ll make a good addition to the brotherhood.”
“Yeah, he will. You know, you got a spitfire as your woman.” Banger laughed. “Fuck, she cracked Viper’s skull, almost killed him. She’s got gumption.”
“She’s not my woman.”
“The hell she ain’t. No woman does that for a man without being his woman. Problem with you is you’re acting like a pussy, sulking around here instead of claimin’ her and makin’ her your ol’ lady.”
“Butt out, old man.”
“Get off your sulky ass and claim her pussy so we can get on with club business. Fuck, because of your pussy-whipped ass, I can’t run the club. Get your shit straight.” Banger downed his shot, clapped Hawk on his shoulder, and walked over to Brandi. Hawk watched as Banger grabbed her ass, and tugged her close then kissed her. Dragging her behind him, they went to one of the small rooms.
Banger’s words echoed in Hawk’s mind. He threw back his last shot, nodded to Jerry, and walked out of the clubhouse. He jumped on his bike and headed toward Pinewood Springs.
Cara owed him an explanation, and he was fucking going to get it.
* * *
Hawk stood on the mansion’s porch between two stone columns; he had never been to a house this big or ritzy. As he rang the bell, he hoped Cara would answer, but a slim, attractive woman in her early fifties opened the door instead. She greeted him with a look of utter disapproval. “May I help you?”
“I’m here to see Cara.”
“Cara? She’s not available. Is there something I can help you with?”
“I know she’s here. I need to talk to her.”
“Is this about the problem she’s having with her car? I think my husband found a mechanic.”
Knowing this bitch was his babe’s mother kept him from being rude, but she had such a high-and-mighty air about her that he would have loved to have set her straight. Biting his tongue, Hawk just stared at her. She appeared to be flustered by him and his tattoos, her eyes glued to the hawk. It struck him as funny, since she didn’t seem to be the type of person who would fluster easily.
As she closed the door, Hawk put his foot out to prevent it from shutting.
Surprise shone in her brown eyes. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave, sir. I know who you are—you’re that hoodlum who’s been sniffing around my daughter. Eric told me all about you and your gang.”
“I don’t belong to a gang, and I don’t sniff around anyone, ma’am,” he said.
“It’s a slap in my face that my daughter would even entertain going out with you. And you standing here now, well, you don’t even have the decency to be embarrassed about the situation,” she said in a tight voice.
As anger flared in his eyes, he said, “I don’t embarrass. Now, ma’am, will you please get Cara? I need to talk with her.” He stood his ground, his foot still in the door.
“What’s going on here, Cathy?” a man’s voice boomed.