She chased a ball yesterday-really actually chased it across the shelter yard-and I can't let her go back to being a dog who's too scared to run or play or live.
She crawls across the console to sit on my lap, and I rest my forehead against the soft fur of her shoulder. "Why couldn't you let anyone else pet you?" I groan, and her tail slaps back and forth across my gearshift.
With a sigh, I lift my head, and she starts covering my face with sloppy dog licks until I nudge her back to her side of my car. "Where am I going to take you?"
She barks, and I take a deep breath before turning my key in the ignition. I pull out of the shelter parking lot, and I take her to the only place I can.
"Better to ask for forgiveness than permission," I convince myself as I walk Phoenix through Mike's front door. I called him but got his voice mail, and then I decided it's probably better to just not ask if he's okay with me keeping Phoenix at his place. I have no other options, and it's only temporary until I can find her somewhere else to live. He's my boyfriend, and he once told me I could live with him, so . . . that includes my dog too . . . right?
"You better be good," I warn Phoenix as she begins sniffing every surface of Mike's home-his couch, his coffee table, an old pair of tennis shoes he left by the front door. I half expected her to curl into a ball in some random corner, but instead, she tentatively explores the place, and when she realizes no one else is here, she starts wagging her tail and trots from room to room.
I sit on the couch watching her, wondering how in the hell this is going to work. This is just one more ticking time bomb I have no escape plan for. I'm winging life by the seat of my pants, and eventually, I know everything is going to blow up in my face.
For now, I try to ignore my growing anxiety, and I watch Phoenix chase shadows around Mike's living room, sniffing every nook and every corner.
When he calls me, I answer on the second ring. "Hey."
"Hey," he says, and my heart does that thing it always does lately when I hear his voice-it aches, like it's not sure if it wants to open up or shut down. "Sorry I missed your call. I was lugging my stuff up the stairs to my new hotel room. The elevator in this place is scary as shit."
"What floor are you on?"
"Six," he says, and I relax with a laugh.
"You carried your suitcase up six flights of stairs?"
"So did Shawn and Kit. Adam and Joel were the only ones dumb enough to ride that rickety elevator."
"I bet they're happy they did," I tease, but Mike just laughs.
"I doubt it. They're still stuck in there."
"They're stuck?" I gasp.
"The hotel has mechanics coming to get them out. The manager keeps trying to convince them it's good luck to get stuck in that elevator."
Through my laughter, I ask, "Shouldn't you be keeping them company?"
"I was going to, but they yelled at everyone to shut up so they could get some sleep in there." He yawns into the phone, and even though it's only two o'clock in the afternoon where I am, I yawn tiredly after him. "We flew all night. Everyone's exhausted."
"Do you have off tomorrow?" I ask.
"I wish. We have a show tomorrow night and press the following morning, but we have the rest of the night off after that. Then we fly to Australia, and the schedule is going to get really crazy."
"You should go see the city while you can," I say as Phoenix sniffs at my knee. I rummage a chew toy out of the purse I dumped on Mike's coffee table, and I toss it across the room for her.
"I miss you," Mike replies, and I know what he's really saying: that he'd spend his entire work-free evening talking on the phone to me if I let him.
"Go try the food so I know what to add to my food list," I say, and he chuckles. In every city, Mike has told me what local foods he thinks I'd like, and we've kept a running bucket list of foods I need to try. "What country are you even in now?"
"Malaysia. Which is only ninety-five hundred miles from you."
"Getting closer," I say as I pull my knees up to my chest in my corner of Mike's oversized couch. There are less than two and a half weeks until he comes home, but I still have no idea what I'm going to do when he gets here.
He still doesn't know about Danica's ultimatum. He has no idea that she gave me an impossible decision to make: Mike or school. Mike or my career. Mike or my future.
When he left, I had asked him not to send flowers to my apartment or anything. If Danica calls you, I'd told him, don't mention me, okay? I don't want to rub our new relationship in her face. She needs time.
It wasn't a total lie, but really, I'm the one who needs time. I need two more years of it, until I no longer have to depend on Danica's family to get me through school.
"I can't wait to take you out," Mike says, and a heaviness settles over me. I know he's not going to be okay with never being able to pick me up from my apartment. I know he's not going to be okay with never being able to be seen with me in public. I know he's not going to be okay with being my secret, and I know he deserves better than what I can give him. He deserves a beautiful, smart, wonderful girl who doesn't have to choose between him and everything else she's ever wanted.
"Did Danica send you her video yet?" I find myself asking, and I listen to Mike settling into his new room as he answers me.
"Yeah. A few days ago. Why?"
My brows knit, and I pick at a tiny hole in the knee of my jeans. "You didn't mention it."
"Oh, sorry," Mike says. "I didn't know you wanted me to."
I had told Mike about the video, and that Danica changed her number. But I couldn't give him her new number to block, since then she'd know I was still talking to him.
"What did you think of her gray and blue dress?" I ask, remembering the mist-colored dress I had tried on in the fancy fitting room, and how gorgeous the blue wildflowers printed on the fabric had been. I had felt beautiful in that dress until I walked out to see Danica wearing the same one.
"I didn't watch the video," he says. "I just deleted the message and blocked her new number."
"Oh."
"Did you really think I'd bother watching it?"
"Aren't you at least curious about what she has to say?"
There's a long moment of silence, and then Mike asks, "Do you know how many times I've thought about Danica since leaving?" I brace myself for the answer, and he says, "None. Not one. Do you know how many times I've thought about you?"
I barely have time to wonder before he answers, "I think about you all the time, Hailey. Do you know what I do before bed each night? I pull up this picture I took of you the morning I left. You were sleeping, and I know that makes me a creep, but I don't care. You were so damn beautiful, I just wanted to stare at you forever. So I took a picture, and every night, I look at it to remind myself that you're what I'm coming home to. That I'll get to see you like that again because I'm the luckiest fucking guy alive to have you at home waiting for me."
I'm speechless when he emphasizes, "I don't think about Danica, Hailey. I never think about her. She doesn't even cross my mind. If I'm thinking about a girl, it's you, because you're the only girl for me."
I'm silent for a long time while I try to calm my cartwheeling heart. And when I speak, I take the easy way out and crack a joke. "You took a picture of me sleeping?" I say with mock offense.
Mike chuckles. "You were covered up by the sheet, I promise."
"Creep."
"Worth it."
I smile at the way my heart flutters, and Phoenix jumps up on the couch beside me as I listen to what sounds like Mike fluffing a pillow on his end of the line. "Are you allergic to dogs?" I ask as I debate making Phoenix jump down. She lays her front paws on my lap, and I scratch her behind her ear.
"Why?" Mike asks.
"Just wondering . . ."
"That's pretty random."
"I like random."
"Hailey, if I was allergic to dogs, I don't think I could date you."
I bark out a laugh, knowing damn well I smell like dog ninety percent of the time, and Mike snickers against my ear. "You're such a jerk!"
"You set 'em up, I knock 'em down."
I'm still laughing when he says, "I love you, Hailey."
"I love you too," I say with a pink-tinted smile on my cheeks.
"Sixteen days."