A torrent of emotions whirls in my stomach-I feel proud and incredibly lucky that he thinks I'm the right girl, but worried and pressured that I'm not.
I'm nothing special. I know he thinks I am, but I'm not.
"It's been kind of . . . sad isn't the word I'm looking for . . . but, I mean, Adam, Joel, and Shawn all settled down before Mike, when Mike has been the one open to finding love this whole time." Rowan looks over at me again, worrying her lip like she's trying to choose her words carefully. "I love Mike like a brother, Hailey. I want him to be happy."
I know what she's telling me. She's telling me not to break his heart. I can hear myself having this conversation with Luke's girlfriend in a few years.
"Me too," I say, and I mean it.
Mike deserves the girl he's been waiting for . . . I just don't know how I can be her, when Danica is so determined to make sure I'm not.
Chapter 37
Some days at the animal shelter make me not want to live on this planet anymore. Like days when it's time to evaluate the dogs that were rescued from a dogfighting ring a few days ago, when I have to see just how devastating human cruelty can be. Even though we're a no-kill shelter, many of the pit bulls are too aggressive to be adopted and have to be put down. And even more are simply injured beyond hope.
As part of my internship responsibilities, I help evaluate the rescues, and each time one lunges at me or goes ballistic on a plastic hand or stuffed dog, I fight back tears. I know they weren't born this way-they were made this way-and it's why my heart shatters every time I have to walk one of them to the back room.
I go home that night mentally, physically, and emotionally drained. I went directly to the animal shelter after Rowan drove me to my car, and it's been a terrible, long day. In the clothes I arrived at the video shoot in the night before, I sit in my apartment parking lot, wondering if I should just sleep in the backseat of my car.
I slept with Danica's ex-boyfriend last night. I had his fingers and his tongue and his sex deep inside me, and every second of it was bliss. He made me feel things that I've never felt in my life before, and that I doubt I could ever feel for any man again. And I can't help feeling like it's written all over me-like as soon as I walk inside, she'll be able to see his kisses on my neck, his fingerprints all over my skin.
I fiddle with my thumbs and fiddle with my phone, until I'm typing a text to Rowan just to keep from fiddling anymore.
Me: I'm sitting in front of my apartment.
Rowan: Any particular reason why?
Me: Scared to face the Hell Beast.
Rowan: Want to spend the night here?
I stare at the lit windows of the home I share with my cousin, knowing I can't run forever. She's in there, she's awake, and I'll have to face her sooner or later.
Me: No. But if you don't hear from me tomorrow, find out where she dumped my body.
With forced bravado, I pocket my phone and order my feet up the entry stairs. Then I wrap my hand around the knob and push it open as quietly as humanly possible. I'm hoping Danica will be in her room and that I'll be able to sneak into mine, but her dark eyes zero in on me like a heat-seeking missile that's found its target.
"Did you know Mike's band shot their video yesterday?" she accuses at me as she launches off the couch, her teeth snapping.
"Huh?"
It's all I can manage. She's invading my bubble, dressed in a tight black mini dress with her hair and makeup looking professionally done, and I know she wants to tear me to pieces. I realize she must have shown up at the clearing only to find it empty. Maybe there was a cleanup crew picking up all the trash-and Danica standing there in her dress.
I want to feel bad for her, but it's hard when she's standing in my face like a death eater about to devour me whole. With panic surging through me, I respond with the first thing that comes to mind, which is definitely not the detailed excuse Dee instructed me to go with. "No!"
Danica narrows her eyes. "Oh really? Then where were you last night? Did you even come home?"
"I was on a date." The lie comes as a surprise even to me, and Danica's eyes seethe with suspicion.
"A date with my boyfriend?" she hisses.
It takes everything in me to not shout that he's not her fucking boyfriend, that he's mine, but I conquer the urge and hiss back at her. "With a guy from school. I spent the night at his place just to get away from you for a night."
Danica's face contorts into an ugly mask of disgust. "Wow, you really are a whore."
"Takes one to know one," I snap, and I stand there waiting for her to punch me in the mouth. Her fists are clenching at her sides, her eyes narrowed like a viper's.
"Prove it," she demands as I quiver with a mix of fear and impatience.
"Prove what?"
"Call him. Speakerphone. Fucking prove it, or get the hell out of my apartment."
I hide the panic that squeezes in my veins as I try to think of some way to get out of this. But Danica's narrowed eyes and her squared hips tell me that she's not going to buy any excuses I try on her. With my heart pounding in my chest, I pick up my phone, and I find a number.
"You vixen!" Leti answers, and I jump in to stop him from spilling last night's secrets.
"Leti, my paranoid cousin thinks I was at some video shoot with her ex-boyfriend last night." Danica's nose reddens with anger, but I press on with my veiled explanation. "Will you please tell her where I was so she'll get off my back?"
My fairy godfriend pauses for a moment that feels like an eternity, but then he effortlessly comes to my rescue. "Are you cheating on me?"
"No!" I play along. "She just thinks-"
"I take you to the fanciest restaurant in town," Leti pretend-complains. "I open your door and pull out your chair and give you a gorgeous bouquet of apricot amaryllis-" I hold my breath, wishing he would have just settled on roses. "I treat you like my queen, and you're fucking cheating on me?"
Danica's expression is something between suspicious and satisfied. I can tell she's enjoying the fact that she's causing problems in my fictional relationship, and I press on.
"I'm not seeing anyone else! That's my whole point here!" I turn away from Danica for show. "But for the record, it's not like you ever asked me to be exclusive anyway."
"Well, I'm fucking asking, Hailey. I can't stand the thought of you being with anyone else. You're special to me, girl. I want to spoil you and treat you like the princess you are to me."
I nearly laugh when I glance over my shoulder and see the jealousy that flashes across Danica's face, and I silently vow to hug the life out of Leti next time I see him.
"Are you satisfied?" I whisper-yell at my cousin, and she glares at me but lets me turn off the speakerphone and walk away. In my room, I walk to the far corner and slide down onto the floor.
"You really are my fairy godfriend."
Leti laughs. "She bought it?"
"I think she's even jealous."
He laughs harder, and I smile as I realize I can't wait to get to know him better. My circle of friends in this town keeps growing and growing, and I don't want to leave. It only cements my resolve to continue putting up with Danica, to continue trying to stay one step ahead in her game.
"I didn't even get to use my best line," he pouts.
"Use it."
"Okay, are you sure you're ready for this?"
I grin and tell him I am, and Leti clears his throat.
"Ever since I adopted that Saint Berdoodle from you at the pound, girl, I've wanted to get all up in your pound, kna wh'am sayin'?"
"Why are you talking like a gangster?" I ask through my laughter, and Leti snickers.
"'Cuz I've gone hard for you, girl."
We both laugh like immature ten-year-olds until another call rings on the line, and I pull the phone away from my ear to see Dee-licious-andra's name on my phone. A hot blush settles under my skin, and I press the phone back to my ear, whispering, "Hey, Leti, Mike's calling so I've got to go. Thanks for covering for me."
"Anytime, Hailey-rella."
I take a deep breath before I answer Mike's call, and then I accept it and find my voice. "Hey."
"I miss you."
Three words in his smooth baritone, and butterflies whirl in my stomach.
"You've only been gone a few hours," I point out, wishing I had an ice pack to press against my heated cheeks.
"I know. Tomorrow is going to suck."
I close my eyes and smile, wishing I didn't have to worry about the volume of my voice as I talked to him. I wish my walls didn't have ears.