“I want” doesn’t get, my mind chided.
James hung the shirt on the wardrobe handle, brows raised as I hopped my way past him to the bathroom. I’m no wimp in the pain department but the sting on my sole was pretty bad. I stifled an embarrassed groan at how ridiculous I appeared. Thank God I hadn’t gone for sexy vampire seduction; I looked like a vampire’s foot-fetish victim.
I reached the bathroom and let the groan escape. My shoes weren’t in there; they were at the fireplace. James watched me hop, hop, hop across the room again. I couldn’t help laughing as I hopped past his grinning face.
“I’ve never seen that in a porn film,” he said.
I gave in to my laughter and stopped to catch my breath, trying to balance and failing miserably. I eyed the distance to my shoes and limped forward. James picked them up for me, dropping them at my feet as I sank onto the chaise-longue.
I slipped the shoe onto my right foot and then sighed in mock regret. “I’ll have to give up my porn-star dreams.”
James smirked. “Either that or start a whole new trend.”
“Bouncing Bombshells Do Hunky Heroes?”
“Who’s the bouncing bombshell? All I saw was a hopping horror,” he teased.
#p#分页标题#e#
Yeah, horror was the right genre for me. My silly mood trickled away and I touched my cheek and winced. My face felt just as torn and sore as I did on the inside. I stood up and aimed for lightness but my voice came out broken and hoarse.
“You’re right about that, James. You’re the hero—I’m more like Frankenstein’s monster’s girlfriend.”
His teasing smile faded. “I was joking.”
Oh God, he sounded kind, as if he felt sorry for me. No fucking way. I spotted the Harrods bag my mother wanted and limped over to it. I needed to leave and I needed more booze. Or some rage. Something that erased the bleakness threatening to overwhelm me; something that wasn’t the sort of kindness that cuts you to pieces.
“Sure thing, mate, no biggie,” I managed, heading towards the door.
His quiet voice stopped me. “You are beautiful, Paisley.”
If only he knew.
My eyes welled up and I bowed my head. “No, I’m not.”
I reached for the doorknob and then James was behind me, only inches from my back. Slowly, he turned me around by the shoulders. I didn’t want to see his pity so I focused on his crisp white collar.
“I beg to differ,” he said.
Oh God, there was more of that kindness again! Unmerited and unwanted. I didn’t want to drop my barriers but James’s voice was undoing me. A traitorous tear rolled down my cheek and I didn’t even know why I was crying. Was it for my past or for my future? Or was it for the sadness that had been following me around for weeks? I flinched away but his hand wrapped around the back of my neck to stop me. A warm, tender finger traced the ugly gash on my cheek.
“You are beautiful,” he repeated firmly. “Gorgeous.”
I shook my head because I didn’t trust my voice. My uncle had destroyed anything of beauty inside me years ago. Sure, plenty of men panted after me, but nobody had ever told me I was beautiful and meant it, sincerely and with no other purpose than to make me feel good.
James tilted my chin up, forcing me to meet his eyes, and I saw nothing of pity in his glittering green depths. Kindness, yes, and compassion, but no pity. I gulped, and another tear slid down my cheek. He looked pained.
<<Don’t cry, baby.>>
He caught the tear at the corner of my mouth and rubbed it gently across my bottom lip, tracing the sadness into my flesh like indelible ink. My mouth parted and he edged its contours slowly. My lips tingled, aching for his. Hell, my whole body was aching but I kept still, trembling with the effort. I wasn’t going to take advantage of Caroline’s high heels to get closer even if it meant I got the shakes. I turned my face and pressed my lips into his palm instead, kissing it softly.
A thank you.
Like a child, I shut my eyes and wished with all my heart that James would hold me. Just hold me. Let me absorb some of his strength, because I was running out and I needed every ounce I could get for the nightmare ahead.
Stupid girl, my mind jeered.
I stepped away from him before I proved myself right. James immediately pulled me back. One of his arms circled my waist and the other pressed gently into my back to hold me close. I sank into his solid strength, breathing in his musky scent and listening to the steady beat of his heart.
James rubbed my back soothingly and our bodies adjusted and relaxed as we embraced. I wanted to see his face but I kept my eyes shut, sure that if I opened them I would find that wine-coloured roses and a crown of thorns were bleeding my fantasy away.