Oh, he had made sure to be photographed with women, but only women he considered friends. The ones who didn't want anything from him. Not his dick. Not his money. Not his fame.
It had been one hell of a year. Lonely as fuck. And all he'd done was think about Roan. Wishing like hell he didn't live in a world where he had to pretend to be someone he wasn't.
BY THE TIME ROAN GOT Liam back to sleep, this time in Cam and Gannon's guest room, where they'd set up the portable crib, he was emotionally drained. Although Cam had broken the devastating news to Roan's father, he'd had to do his share of explaining when his father insisted on talking to him.
It'd been clear to everyone what had killed Cassie. Not only because of the needle that had been hanging from her arm either. Based on her skinny, malnourished body, it was also evident that this wasn't a one-time thing, despite the fact his sister had promised him she wasn't using.
Roan had believed her for the most part. Since she'd stopped going out, he'd thought she'd given up the drugs. He should've known. He should've realized that she'd started again. Perhaps he would have if he hadn't been so busy taking care of Liam.
Admittedly, he'd turned a blind eye, not wanting to know for sure. It had been easier than dealing with her shit. Although his father had asked for details, he hadn't seemed all that interested. In fact, now that Roan thought about it, he'd seem more interested in how Liam was than the fact that his own daughter was dead.
She was in a better place now. That's what Eva and Lydia had said when they'd learned the news. His sister and stepmother had been upset, but Roan was sure he'd heard a hint of relief in their tear-laced voices.
Yes. Relief.
That horrible guilt grabbed hold of him again, and Roan had to sit down. He hated himself for feeling that Cassie really was in a better place, but he couldn't help it. She had been spiraling out of control … He had tried to pretend that she was getting better, but he'd known that wasn't true. It was the very reason he had put his entire life on hold. He had needed to make sure that Liam was taken care of. Of course, Cassie saw that as interference, and they'd been butting heads for so long that he felt as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.
For fuck's sake. He was not supposed to be thinking like that.
Strangely enough, his father and stepmother were more worried about Liam, but not in the way Roan would've expected. He'd detected a hint of concern from Lydia that Liam was now being raised by a gay man. It stood out to him because neither his father nor his stepmother had ever seemed concerned with him being gay.
Roan could do nothing but assure them that he would be taking care of him. He and Cassie had agreed that if something happened to her, Roan would raise Liam. She had been adamant that their father not take Liam. That relationship had long ago deteriorated, so Roan understood where she was coming from.
When Cassie asked if he'd be Liam's legal guardian, Roan probably should've protested some, forced her to take responsibility, to be a mother. According to her, it was to protect him so the state couldn't take him. Cassie had been aware of her issues, even if she'd had no desire to change.
It had been the only rational thing Cassie had come up with in years. So, Roan hadn't argued, but then again, he'd practically been raising Liam since the day he was born.
When his father tried to insist that Roan bring Liam to their house, he'd refused. At one point, he had even raised his voice. No way was he taking Liam anywhere. Not right now. It was bad enough that he'd had to take the baby away from the home he was familiar with, but Roan refused to stay in that shithole even one minute longer.
A light knock sounded on the bedroom door, and Roan pushed to his feet, checking on Liam one more time. He grabbed the baby monitor and turned it on, then went to the door.
"Hey," Cam said softly. "How's he doin'?"
"He's asleep," Roan told him as he pulled the door closed.
"You wanna talk?"
Not really, but Roan knew that Cam and Gannon deserved some answers. They were opening their home to him-albeit temporarily-and he felt they should know what was going on.
Roan followed Cam into the kitchen. Gannon was sitting at the table with three mugs.
"Decaf," Gannon said, nodding to one of the cups.
"Thanks."
His legs seemed to go out from under him as he took a seat. He was exhausted, but he ignored it. That was what he'd been doing for so long now.
Before Roan could say anything, Cam spoke up. "I need to apologize."
Roan met his eyes, but he couldn't hide his frown. Apologize? For what?
Cam glanced at Gannon quickly, then back to Roan. "I know I haven't been a good friend for … a while now." His head tilted in the direction of the bedrooms. "I didn't even know … I should have known. I should've offered to help you. It's clear you didn't trust me enough to tell me-"