Harlequin Presents January 2015 Box Set 1 of 2(243)

‘I thought you’d want to know—James has called. Your father got out of bed today.’

She turned her head to look at him so quickly she wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d given herself whiplash. ‘You’re joking?’

His eyes were steady. ‘No joke.’

While Emily tried to digest this unexpected news, Pascha took the seat opposite her.

She could feel his stare resting on her but suddenly felt too fearful to return it, too scared of what he would read in her eyes. Scared of what she would read in his eyes.

Her father had got out of bed. A small step, yes, but one with huge implications. In theory this meant the worst of it was over. She should be celebrating.

So why did she still feel so flat?

‘Why didn’t you tell me your father tried to kill himself?’

The needle went right into her thumb. ‘Ow!’ Immediately she stuck her thumb into her mouth.

‘Have you hurt yourself?’ he asked, his eyes crinkled with concern.

She shook her head before pulling her thumb out of her mouth and examining it. A spot of bright red blood pooled out so she put it back in her mouth and sucked on it.

She was going to kill James.

They’d made a promise to each other. Yes, it had been an unspoken promise, but it was an unspoken promise they’d carried their entire lives. They didn’t speak about their father’s severe depression outside the family home, not to anyone. It was kept between them. Their father’s attempted suicide came under that pact.

So why the hell had James told Pascha Virshilas, of all people?

‘Do I take it by the horrified look on your face that you’re angry I know?’ Pascha asked.

‘Yes, I am very angry,’ she said, her fury so great she could barely get her words out.

‘Why? Are you ashamed of him?’

‘Of course not! But when my dad’s well again I know he will be ashamed. He won’t want anyone to know.’

‘Has he done this before?’ Pascha asked quietly.

‘What? Tried to kill himself?’ Her voice rose.

‘I know this is painful for you to talk about but I must know—when did he take the pills?’

‘Didn’t James tell you that?’

‘No. And, before you turn your anger on your brother, he didn’t tell me, not directly. It was a throwaway comment about stopping his watch on the medicine cabinet. I don’t think he even realised he’d said it.’

Slightly mollified, Emily put the fabric down and made a valiant stab at humour. ‘Your powers of deduction astound me.’

To her alarm, Pascha saw right through her attempt to lighten the mood and placed his hand on her wrist. ‘I’d already guessed something bad had occurred. This just confirmed it. Now, please answer my question. When did he take the pills?’

Finally she met his gaze head-on. ‘When do you think he took them?’

He sighed heavily, as if purging his lungs of every fraction of oxygen contained within them.

‘He tried to kill himself the same day you suspended him on suspicion of theft. Two months to the day after we’d buried my mother.’

The obvious remorse that seeped out of him as she spoke her words had her feeling suddenly wretched.

She tugged her wrist out of his strong grip but, instead of moving her hand away, rested it atop his. ‘He was a man on the edge before you suspended him,’ she explained with a helpless shrug. ‘What you did pushed him over that edge, and I’m not going to lie to you Pascha: I’ve spent the past month hating you for it.

‘But the truth is, my father had just been waiting for an excuse. James and I knew how bad he was becoming. It’s like watching a child cross a road with a lorry rushing towards them but not being able to run fast enough to push the child away, or scream loudly enough for them to hear. We couldn’t reach him. I couldn’t reach him. I’ve never been able to. The only person who could reach him when he fell into that pit was my mother, but she isn’t here any more.’

Did Emily realise she had tears pouring down her cheeks? Pascha wondered. Or that her fingers were gripping his hand as if he were the anchor rooting her? His chest hurt to see such naked distress.

‘This depression, it’s happened before?’

She nodded, running her hand over her face in an attempt to wipe her free-flowing tears away. ‘He’s always suffered from it but can go months—years—without succumbing. And I know I shouldn’t say succumbing, as if it’s his fault, because I know it isn’t. He can’t help it any more than Mum could help getting that monstrous illness.’

Despite her impassioned words, Pascha didn’t think she believed them, not fully.