“People like me do not have power bestowed upon them from birth. We have to find it in ourselves. We have to take it where we can. In my case, that meant seizing control over my own life. Over my own behavior. It never mattered to me what my contemporaries did. It only ever mattered what I did.”
“Admirable.”
“I don’t know if it’s admirable. I don’t particularly care if it’s admirable. But it has worked for me. At least up until the moment when I got pulled out of an alleyway in New York City.”
“Yes, I would apologize for that, but I’m not sorry.”
“I didn’t think you were.”
“I appreciate the exchange of information—” he inclined his head “—it has been very informative.”
Her cheeks blushed rose. “Is that what we’re doing? Exchanging information?”
“It seems fair, doesn’t it?”
“Not particularly. I didn’t think that was part of our deal. I interview you, you tell me about the Chatsfields.”
Technically, he had not said that. Technically, all he had promised her was a scandal. But he would not correct her, not now. “Instant gratification can be damaging. I believe in working for what you want.”
“That’s rich coming from a man who was undoubtedly born with a golden scepter in his hand.”
She was not wrong, for many things in his life had been delivered to him at the snap of his fingers. But that had been a contributing factor in forming the man he had become. And the man he had been was not one he could be proud of. It had taken hardship to change him.
“It’s true. I cannot deny it. I have also suffered. And no amount of money could insulate me from that suffering. I’ve learned that sometimes you simply have no choice but to walk through the fire. And if you come out the other side, then the reward is great.”
“Are you my trial by fire?” she asked.
“Perhaps one of them. I wouldn’t presume to know if you’d had others or not.”
“I appreciate that. I’m sure you’ve suffered greatly here in your palace. But I am no stranger to suffering. I’m also no stranger to hard work, so trust me when I tell you you’re preaching to the choir. Though, also, forgive me for saying I’m a bit jaded to the concept that hard work somehow makes something more rewarding. I’ve put in more hard work to get where I am than many people ever will. I find it more exhausting than rewarding. There were some times when I would’ve simply rather had the playing field even, rather than subjecting myself to character-building exercises. It is easy to romanticize what we’ve never had to endure.”
He almost laughed at the irony of the statement. He looked around the ornate room. “Indeed.”
“I suppose I should take my leave. I might need a map of this place, if you have one handy, otherwise I fear I will spend a good portion of my time wandering around feeling lost.”
“I have a feeling it would be best for me if you felt a little bit lost. In which case, you would cause me less trouble.”
“Don’t bet on that. I imagine I will contrive new ways to cause you trouble daily. Until I get what I want.”
“What is it you want?” he asked, knowing what her answer would be.
“What is it you’re hiding?” she asked.
The question took him off guard. Perhaps because she had grazed far too close to the bone.
Not just in terms of Leila.
“Nothing but the usual skeletons,” he managed, knowing his voice sounded strangled, affected.
“I look forward to seeing them,” she said.
He gritted his teeth. “I am not James Chatsfield.” Neither did he actually have any information on Chatsfield he could share.
“I know,” she said, nodding once.
If he had thought he’d understood her, he’d been wrong. Bitterly so. She’d put him on his back foot, and he didn’t like it. For one thing, she was far too beautiful. For another, she was unpredictable. “Excellent. And on that note, I bid you good-night. My quarters are just here, so you will forgive me if I do not walk you back to yours. It is quite a trek.” And he had a feeling, that were he to accompany her in dark corridors, his control would be tested in ways he did not want to think of.
“I shall manage. Though if I end up in a royal vault and decide to abscond with the crown jewels, you will have no one to blame but yourself.”
“It is a risk I shall have to take.”
“Clearly you’re a man who lives on the edge.”
Her words brought them up short. “On that score you would be wrong.” He nodded firmly, turning away from her, breaking the connection between them. The sooner he got rid of her, the better. “Good night.”